In short, I was being treated better by everyday America because people were reading me as a young, white, straight (?!) male. And I recognized many new privileges that came my way because of it.
The most important part about communities formed in this way? They’re not about ideas. They’re about people. Every single community member counts, and every single community member is the reason that we have come together in the first place. Those packages we have exchanged are our stories as people, our experiences in the world, our lives. And everything that happens in these communities are based around that. Not around ideologies, not around constructing the perfect set of ideas.
Black Privilege is always having to be the strong one,
Is having a crow bar for a spine,
Is fighting, even when you have no more blood to give
Even when you have lost sight of your bones
Even when your mother prayed for you
Even after they’ve prepared your body for the funeral
We begin the damaging process of turning boys into men long before boyhood ends.
I would like to talk about what I affectionately call my Self-Care Kit. In layman’s terms, my Self-Care Kit is a collection of resources and tools I have gathered over the years to help me deal when I am having a bad spell or when I feel the pressing need for a timeout.
It is so, so effortless for you to speak a pronoun, and so, so arduous for me to cope with the fallout of hearing it. In an instant, confidence is undermined, hopefulness dissolved, safety shattered, cheerfulness undone. I am suddenly reminded, as if the world would ever let me forget, of just how little my personal autonomy is worth, of just how easily and ubiquitously my right to self-determine and self-identify will be undermined as I move through life.
Colorism is the preferential treatment given to light-skinned people. The existence of social justice movements like Black Lives Matter is proof that discrimination based on skin color is very much alive. This kind of discrimination plays itself out within and against communities of people of color.
Recently, I’ve realized that I’ve avoided looking at myself by always dating jerks. If I was the one being hurt, then I didn’t have to worry about the responsibility for how I acted.
Even when argument and the quest to prove oneself right became the focal point of our relationship, I understood intrinsically that his drive to always be correct was linked to masculinity. To be wrong is to be emasculated. To have one’s wife or children correct you is to admit that you are less than the solid patriarchal figure that you have been conditioned from birth to be.
El mundo de las dietas en sí es odioso. Es obsesivo, se convierte en una rutina de vida, en un modo de vivir, y eso no es bueno. ¿Qué es bueno entonces? NOSOTRAS. Nosotras somos buenas, fantásticas, maravillosas, nosotras que hemos aprendido entre empujones y golpes.
Losing a loved one is a lifelong process. It’s been more than a decade since my mother died, and I am still figuring out how to live without her. I’ve never mastered mourning. I’m still learning. I’ve spent a lot of time failing and flailing and pulling away from the world. Fortunately, I have loved ones who will faithfully wait in the wings for me until I reemerge.
What Rachel Dolezal did, in essence, was to break into the black community by fraud. She did not wait to be invited; she did not ask what she had to do to earn the trust and respect necessary to enter the community. And the people who are paying most dearly for it, in rage and pain, are black women. Rachel Dolezal broke into their house, and took what is sacred to them — their voices, their work, their blackness — and used it for her own purposes.
I always prefer intimate gatherings to large parties, and when attending one of the latter, I invariably spend the entire evening in the company of the small group of friends and loved ones with whom I arrived. Phone calls, text messages, and emails generally fill me with a slight sense of unease, if not pure dread. When walking, taking the train, shopping, or generally just inhabiting public spaces alone, I wear headphones and listen to music, audiobooks, or podcasts to project an unambiguous message of “Please do not speak with me unless there is some type of emergency.”
Many asexual people face the stigma that their relationships are not really relationships because they are not sexual. Meanwhile, polyamorous relationships are often over-sexualized, with some people assuming that polyamory is all about having sex with more than one person. At this intersection of assumptions about asexuality and polyamory, I fear both strangers and loved ones viewing my relationship as something less than real.
I have sat witness to a many a conversation in which people — even trans people — have said that the only reason to disallow someone’s transition is if they are “truly crazy — like schizophrenic or multiple personality disorders or something.” This notion derives from the false belief that disabilities or mental differences render you incapable of consent and making decisions about your own body.