Don’t let your insecurity ruin a potentially awesome relationship with a rad bisexual.
I always felt awkward in my body growing up. Most of us do, but for me – a transmasculine androgyne – it was, I think, more than average. I constantly felt like my body couldn’t decide if it wanted to be “male” or “female”, as I understood them to be then.
When you begin to practice true radical self-love, many things begin to change — not only within yourself but also around you. Many will not agree with you. You will lose many “friends” along the way, and you will realize they really weren’t friends. You will be questioned, frowned upon, and called selfish and self-centered. To truly practice radical self-love, you have to develop what I like to call slippery skin. You just have to let things slide off your skin because, if you don’t, you will begin to feel guilty that you are placing yourself first. And everything you hear, you will end up taking personally.
Later that fall, I started my period. I put away my bike along with a lot of other things. I put away speeding down a dirt trail towards a homemade ramp, sailing off the edge and up the gully with the wind pushing against me. I gave up learning new tricks to impress my friends. I didn’t know then that “Being a woman is something that is up to you to define for yourself.”
Radical self-love means being open to opportunities and recognizing that the old cliché about the more love you send out the more you get back is truer today than ever. More people than ever before are lonely, which means we need each other more than ever, especially in this anxiety-producing political climate.
Passing on the discrimination we experience from abled people by distancing ourselves from other disabled people and centering our own stories even when they are not the ones that most need to be heard isn’t helping the cause of disabled people.
In my family of origin, there was no uncle and there wasn’t a backroom. However, as my grandfather aged and moved from being able bodied to disabled, he became that uncle and the backroom became a very real and horrible place.
Growing old in America is getting increasingly scarier under this administration and the burden of the lack of resources and support will fall on the shoulders of other generations who are being affected in negative ways as well. We are all needing change and we need it quick.
“You made me feel seen. That made me feel human.”
For me, the entire notion of health is alien. The only constant in my life is agonizing pain. Pain from incurable conditions. Pain from memories. Pain from healing scars. And yet, I delight in the way my body moves when I dance. It gets carried away and spins in arcs and circles. I love my body. I marvel at my scars, even if all I have left is the memory. I am so, so alive.
We bring our social identities with us into our connections. Be aware of how the things in the world are affecting the various communities that your friend is a part of that you aren’t. That could mean anything from putting your body on the line in a protest to remembering not to offer them anything with pork.
Fortunately, not all self care take hours to do, and there are some fantastic acts of self care that take only minutes to complete, and can be done just about anywhere. Here are ten self care acts that take five minutes or less.
I am sick of reminding them of the simple fact that who we choose to love and, by extension, invest in is political.
Like kids in a classroom, we pass each other the answers to tests: say this on that benefits application, not that. Use this careful wording in the ER so they’ll give you pain meds that work.
Food became less about therapy and more about real enjoyment.