Radical Self-Love for Everybody and Every Body
I don’t know about the rest of you diet culture abstainers, but when I am feeling vulnerable (as I was, two weeks after having major surgery) or when I see these admittedly gorgeous photos of my formerly larger loved ones, I sometimes find myself being a little swept up by ‘the dream’.
Let me ask you a serious question: would you want to be part of a system that sets standards that are literally impossible for many – if not most – people to achieve? What about one where you’re expected to be always on the verge of violence?
I learned that love isn’t always enough. It certainly is not enough in a toxic relationship, even if he wants to marry you. I ignored major red flags from the beginning because he said he loved me.
Being trans is to constantly live a life in terror. But, being trans also means to live a life in one’s own true selfhood. This is the duality of being trans, to live a life of suffering and agony, and to also live a life of self-determination and authenticity.
Whether it is because you are in pain, fighting with fatigue (as is often the case for me) or anything else that puts limits on your body, leaving you feeling less than joyful, I hope these can be of use to you.
I’ve learned to stay away from people who project onto my body. My partner and new family do not police each other’s bodies. Sometimes I mess up, because of my upbringing. But I’m dedicated to building a life where I’m valued for the person that I am. Today, I control how I choose to live and I’m feeling pretty good about.
I’ve noticed the urgent need for a long-awaited shift in radical and queer spaces. How can you challenge ableism if those most impacted by it cannot (due to systemic implications & challenges) be there at your event?
Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could talk more about being little queer femmes, or even more amazingly, if our communities didn’t reinforce the idea that we have to look or act a certain way to be taken seriously? Let’s check ourselves and embrace everyone.
But in a time when the fight against racial and ethnic discrimination is at the forefront of many of our minds, it’s important for white-passing Jews like myself to be mindful of our place within these movements and the ways we can use the privileges we do have to support the voices of the most oppressed.
Why am I sharing this? I am sharing this because for many survivors, talking about what happened is a key part of surviving, healing, responding to erasure and silencing. Talking about an assault can be a way for people to get some kind of accountability for what happened, even if that accountability only ever comes in the form of speaking their truth. If you want to be a good friend and ally to survivors, listen to what we need.
Radical self-care, like radical self-love, pushes against the boundaries of the ordinary. It is robust, proactive, and unconditional. It is genuinely radical – it gets to the root of our bodies, hearts, and minds.
Step 1. Think. Educate yourself.
Step 2. Listen.
Step 3. Listen more.
Step 4. Refrain from getting defensive.
Step 5. Give the oppressed space to speak their truth and voice their needs…
What identities and bodies are considered the norm – the ideal to strive towards? Under the guise of professionalism, women have been pressured to wear make up. Queer folks’ gender expression has been policed. People have been punished for showing emotions. Folks have been perceived as un/professional on the basis of their body size and shape. The banner of professionalism can mask multiple biases.
One of the most important things I’ve learned about dating while neurodivergent, mentally ill, and disabled is to seek support outside your relationship. My partners and I can’t be there for each other 24/7. Especially when dealing with mental illness, creating a support network outside of one or two people is incredibly important.
When you’ve been with someone of the so-called “opposite” gender for a while, it can start to feel like your queerness doesn’t really matter anymore, or like it isn’t even really there.
