Do you find yourself often caving in to your partner’s demands (or vice versa)? Do you mean ‘No’ every time you say ‘Yes’? Then, you may be in a codependent relationship. When you (or your partner) are unable to function on your own when it comes to decision making, and depends on the other completely, it’s a red signal. The relationship can not only end badly but also cause mental stress to you both.
A classic codependency model can be traced back to an abusive partner and with an enabling one. You can identify it easily. The relationship focuses on control. It is very crucial to develop your own identity and a solid sense of self in such a relationship. Here are a few signs that can help you determine whether your relationship is codependent or not.
The Relationship Is Only A Means To Fill A Void
If your relationship is only a sort of love addiction to release dopamine for pleasure, then it is slightly leaning on the codependent side. You are just using the endorphins to numb the pain you are feeling. You can’t depend on the relationship alone to make yourself feel better. In a healthy relationship, you will find that the partners have other factors as well that make them feel good. A relationship is only balanced when each can cope with life even when not together.
It Is Difficult To Express Your True Feelings
Sometimes, partners are too intimidated to speak what is on their mind. Maybe because they are fearful of being judged or probably worried that they would be misunderstood. If either of you is depriving yourself of having an honest relationship, it can backfire, and the person’s honesty can be questioned. Just because what is said is not what is understood, there will be a clear distance that will keep on growing between the two, which will make it uncomfortable even to share anything anymore. So you will end up saying Yes even if you mean No.
Obsessively Trying To Change Each Other
Nobody is perfect; one can’t expect the other to change in the relationship while they remain the same. There is a constant need to try to change one’s partner, even though they haven’t changed in the past. There is an obsession that only if the partner is willing to change will the relationship be happy. Instead of trying to fix one’s own negative and destructive habits, he or she concentrates on the bad habits of the other. This, in turn, results in destroyed self-image and low self-esteem.
Giving Until It Hurts
In a codependent relationship, you may feel like you are offering your everything, but your partner is rejecting it. Showering a partner with love and support whether financially or emotionally should not depend on whether they have the same affection for you. Your love should not be subjective to your partner’s. Often we tend to misinterpret their reaction as rejection, even if they don’t mean it in that way.
Not Having A Life Of Your Own
You had a life of your own before getting together, so why should that change? Most relationships don’t end well because one of the partners is so codependent in the relationship that he or she tries to take control of the other person’s life. There is no trust as they are preoccupied with worrying about what the other is doing, where the partner is headed, and what he or she is up to. This is not a healthy relationship as the person loses one’s own identity for the sake of the relationship.
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Insecurities About Your Partner Leaving You
Another red signal that indicates you are in a codependent relationship is that your partner is always worried about you leaving him or her. There are always questions about whether you both will last, or if things are different than before, or if you have found someone new. Insecurities are often bad for the relationship because there is uncertainty as to where it is headed.
Codependency is often a result of an utterly dependent childhood or being a part of a dysfunctional family – and it can be difficult to get out of. Some signs of codependency in a relationship are quite clear (since the beginning of time). But we miss out on the red signals. The best relationships make you feel comfortable without any insecurities, and most importantly, make you feel free. When a relationship is free from dependency, it will enrich and support both partners – and, isn’t that what love should be all about?
Nisha is passionate about writing and loves to share her thoughts with the world. She has written many articles on yoga, fitness, wellness, remedies, and beauty. She keeps herself updated by going through interesting blogs every day. This fuels her passion and motivates her to write appealing and engaging articles. She is a regular contributor to StyleCraze.com and a few other websites.
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