Ever heard of Buycott? I can’t exactly remember how I stumbled across this smartphone app, but it was simultaneously one of the most exciting and exhausting downloads I have ever made. The basic premise is that you sign up for campaigns you care about, ranging from BDS of Israel to products containing palm oil to companies that lobby for animal testing and union busting. Then … [Read more...]
10 Excuses People Give To Avoid Using Condoms — And Why That’s Unacceptable
Condoms are imperfect. This is perfectly okay to admit. What is not okay is ignoring the potential consequences of not using them. For most people, condoms are the most effective readily available method of STI and pregnancy prevention. Whether by malice, selfishness, or ignorance, many prefer to not use them, even when they should. They also discourage their partners from … [Read more...]
3 Ways Heterosexual Couples Can Challenge Gender Norms in Their Relationships
Not to brag, but for my wife’s birthday last year, I got her an incredible gift. A month or two prior, she had passively mentioned that she really liked the idea of getting a record player, and that she was tired of our listening to music on our phones while chilling out in our apartment. My solution was acquiring a sweet audio system that included a record player, CD player, … [Read more...]
6 Lessons To Learn From Fathers of Color This Fathers’ Day
As I reflect on my father this Fathers' Day, I'm reminded of how I used to teach writing for freshmen at a community college. One of my regular reader-response assignments included an essay by San Francisco journalist Rose del Castillo Guilbault about how the word “macho” carries different interpretations depending on culture. She argues that to Americans, "macho" is a negative … [Read more...]
Calling Fellow Cis Men: Why We Can’t Stay Silent About Reproductive Justice
I have never made it a secret that for a lengthy period of time in my life, I identified as pro-life. For a time, it was a decision related to the Catholic faith I was raised in. Later, even after leaving Catholicism behind, I maintained my position on something resembling a well-meaning but simplistic ethical basis. I say this with no hint of pride or irony: when I was … [Read more...]
How To Be an Ally to a Loved One With SAD This Winter
Until a few years ago when I finally moved northward from Florida, you could have told me that apples grow in February and blackberries in March, and I’d have had little reason to disbelieve you. Moving from the tropics gave me an appreciation for when certain plants are cheaper to purchase and that snow is something to contend with, but I also had to face the reality … [Read more...]
Both Ends of the Candle: How Our Culture Privileges and Shames Insomnia
The night before I began the second grade, I huddled onto my bed, a nervous mass of jumbled anxiety. I didn’t toss or turn. Quite the opposite, I held myself rigid atop my comforter, attempting to quiet all of the fears and worries over what the next day would be like, the next year, even the rest of my life—even then, I was a bit of an over-thinker. I had a new … [Read more...]
Pokemon Go: How I Care For Myself During Depressive Episodes
For anyone who wasn’t around at the time, or for whom the craze didn’t exactly catch, Pokemon is a franchise of games, cartoons, and comics centered on a fictional world populated by creatures called Pokemon (a portmanteau of “pocket monsters”). The people in this world capture, collect, care for, trade, and battle these creatures, traveling around and having … [Read more...]
Recognizing When We Get It Wrong and Forgiving Ourselves Afterward
If you are reading this article on a site like The Body is Not An Apology, I cannot conclude anything about you with any certainty — beyond the fact that, in this moment, you have the ability to access my work. I don’t pretend to know you personally or to speak with confidence about your background or, indeed, regarding anything else about you. A major tenet of the radical … [Read more...]
On Dudes, Menstruation, and Getting Over It
My sister once told me a story of a substitute teacher she had, a sweet woman with kind eyes and an adorable bob. She arrived at school wearing a black dress dappled with bright, white flower designs. This teacher walked up and down the aisles as my sister’s classmates worked on math problems. She leaned over my sister’s desk to answer a question, and the boy behind her audibly … [Read more...]
How I Lost My Religion — And Temporarily My Empathy as a Judgmental Atheist
The fact that my father never came to mass with the rest of us didn’t bother me as a child. It registered in the same capacity as the fact that he worked night shifts or that Spanish was spoken in my house as often as English — distinctions between my home life and that of my peers, but nothing worth an existential crisis. I was seven or eight when I stood in our garage and … [Read more...]
3 Confessions of a Male Emotional Eater
A Growing Boy I was eight years-old the first time I ate so much that I threw up. The meal was spaghetti with ketchup and Parmesan cheese, a classic of my childhood served at least once every week or two when my parents were just too tired to make anything more complicated. It was normal for me to have second helpings on these evenings, but for some reason that night, … [Read more...]
At a Party or a Bar: Cis Men’s Role in Interrupting Interpersonal Violence
When you’re a cis man with any significant degree of familiarity and confidence with the women in your life, there’s a dance that you often become a part of in social situations. When I go to parties or bars with friends who are women, at least ones who know me and trust me, there are regularly the moments in which I can be called upon to act on behalf of my companions’ … [Read more...]
4 Keys to Talking About Sexual Desire and Boundaries With Your Partner
I am the sort of person who will refuse to mention anything at all at restaurants when the wait staff or the kitchen makes a mistake with my order. I’ll demurely eat my food, lie when they ask if everything came out all right, and still tip at least 20 percent rather than inconvenience anybody with something silly like my dietary restrictions or personal desires. This is a … [Read more...]
