It’s hard for me to write the story about being in an abusive relationship. Not because it’s hard for me to talk about it, though sometimes it is. Not because I’m still carrying shame and self-doubt or because I might trigger my own trauma responses, though I am and I might. It’s because writing about being a male survivor of intimate partner abuse, especially when your abuser … [Read more...]
6 Things Not To Say to a Wheelchair User
Using a wheelchair in public requires you to develop a strong system of defense mechanisms, as it tends to lead strangers to assume they have access to your body. Sometimes these intrusions are physical, like when someone pushes your chair without permission, grabs items out of your hands to “help you carry them,” or climbs over you to open a door for you even if you could have … [Read more...]
Why Policing Disabled Folks’ Self-Diagnosis Is Classist
I get into arguments with people on the Internet a lot these days. It’s kind of one of the only ways to be a disability activist when there are a lot of days where you can’t leave your bed. The most recent argument I had was with a particular kind of ableist disabled person, which, oxymoronic as it sounds, is a thing that actually exists. In fact, I’ve encountered way too … [Read more...]
7 Ways To Make Your Social Justice Space Accessible to Disabled People
Most social justice movements make a point to be inclusive of as many people as possible, especially marginalized communities. Those movements that don’t do so should. But one group that is often overlooked is disabled people, even though we exist inside every other affinity group. As someone who belongs to multiple “othered” communities (disabled, transgender, working-class, … [Read more...]
Who Really Needs a Wheelchair?: Let’s Stop Accusing Disabled Folks of Being Lazy
A few years ago, the disability organization I was working with took a field trip to a performance starring dancers in wheelchairs. As usual, I was cautiously excited: while the people we served lived with a variety of physical and intellectual disabilities, I was the only disabled person on staff. The other staff members sometimes “got it” when it came to disability issues, … [Read more...]
Carving Out My Own Masculinity as a Disabled Trans Man
When I was in the Job Corps and had to choose a trade to learn, I chose the one that most of the male students and the masculine-identified AFAB (assigned female at birth) ones did: construction. It was, to the sensibilities of a bunch of working-class 16-to-24-year-olds, the only trade offered that was macho enough. And I sucked at it. I was clumsy. Motor coordination and … [Read more...]
Learning Not To Care What Abled Folks Think: How Internalized Ableism Affects My Body Image
I was talking with some of my disabled friends the other day about body image. One of my friends said they were always worried about looking fit because, as a wheelchair user, they feared that any extra weight would be perceived as the result of laziness and possibly part of the reason they needed the chair. Someone else mentioned that she avoided short haircuts because of the … [Read more...]
How Abled Folks Can Support the Disability Movement if Obamacare Is Repealed
As I write this, there are people in this terrifying administration still actively trying to repeal the Affordable Care Act – the only reason that I, and many other disabled and chronically ill people in the US, have access to health insurance. If the ACA is overturned, we’ll return to the old system: one in which insurance companies can charge whatever they want, their … [Read more...]
How To Center People With High Needs in the Disability Movement
I do a lot of talking, both on my public platforms and in the disability advocacy circles I frequent, about visibility for less-visible disabled people. Don’t assume a person isn’t disabled because they don’t “look disabled”! Don’t assume that a person who uses a mobility aid sometimes and not others “doesn’t really need it”! Don’t assume that neurodivergent and intellectually … [Read more...]
Forced To Fake It: How the System Forces Disabled People To Lie
Somewhere, in the darkest corners of the Internet, lurk packs of people who devote themselves solely to seeking out disability and chronic illness bloggers to stalk and harass them, accusing them of faking or exaggerating their conditions. A few friends of mine from the online disability communities I hang around in were recently targeted by them, and it exposed me to a world … [Read more...]
6 Ways NOT To Nurture Neurodivergent Kids
Neurodivergence is something we all are learning and understanding more about all the time – both those of us who are neurodivergent ourselves, and the parents, teachers, caregivers, and advocates who (hopefully) are working to support and help us. Because the terminology and the understanding of how we tick (and in my case, tic) are always changing, I get that it can be hard … [Read more...]
Why Disability Representation Matters (And Not Just in the Media)
I just finished reading a horrible book. I did finish it, though. It was horrible because it was a book in which the disabled, teenage protagonist waxed on for paragraphs about all of her fantasies of being able-bodied, her hatred for her wheelchair despite it being customized to her specific needs and painted her favorite color, and the sainthood of her parents and teachers … [Read more...]
No, I’m Not “Wheelchair-Bound”
I know a guy who says that when people ask him how long he’s been in a wheelchair, he’s starts responding, “Since I got up this morning.” Sometimes, when I feel especially bold or especially frustrated, I borrow it. Despite the fact that my wheelchair and I have a special bond, to the point where I often actually do consider it a part of my body – or at least an extension of it … [Read more...]
We Are Everywhere: Creating a World That Loves Disabled Folks
As we begin the conversations about decolonization – dismantling the influence of capitalist-imperialist colonizers who have forced assimilation of marginalized people and erased cultural narratives outside the dominant one for centuries – there is one group we often forget to mention: the minority that “anyone can become a part of, any time.” Disabled folks. Every other … [Read more...]
