Two years ago, I came out as queer, kinky, polyamorous, and transgender, all in the space of a few months. I’m not young; I'm approaching the age bracket known as “middle age.” In fact, I worried initially that my coming out explosion was some sort of midlife crisis brought on by reading too many queer comics and following too many trans Twitter accounts. Part of me shies away … [Read more...]
How I Navigate Talking to Kids About My Gender as a Trans Parent and Educator
Children are a distinct, purposeful focus in my life. I'm the parent of a brilliant six-year-old and have many close friends with delightful kids as well. I work as a substitute para-educator, a job that sends me to a plethora of classrooms, K-12, throughout my city. I'm also a transgender woman. People often connect children with trans issues, but outside the occasional … [Read more...]
How I Survived a Spanking Household
Content note: This article contains descriptions of domestic violence and traumatic assault. When my ex-spouse and I were dating, we had the the usual getting-to-know-each-other talks — with a deeper dimension, since we had known each other as kids and had reconnected as adults. As we delved deeply into our personal histories, each providing individual perspectives on our … [Read more...]
The Paradox of Transgender Day of Visibility: Reflections on Visibility and Vulnerability as a Trans Woman
On March 31, throughout the world and across the Internet, people observed the Transgender Day of Visibility (TDoV). I found myself, as I have in previous years, feeling ambivalent about this event. Because honestly? For many trans women, visibility is exactly the problem: it is involuntary, and it leaves us vulnerable to both physical and social violence. We get mocked, … [Read more...]
Building My Radical Self-Love as the Trans Girl at Naked Drawing Night
A circle of friends I'm part of holds a rather charming private event: every fortnight or so, they gather in a basement for Figure Drawing Night. Anyone who wishes can take turns modeling nude while the others sketch them. When a friend first invited me, I was delighted. For a long time, nudity has been very important to me, particularly the kind of casual, communal nudity … [Read more...]
What You’re Really Saying When You Misgender
“This is Miss Joli, and he'll be substituting for Miss Alison today,” says an elementary school teacher to her class, as I stand in the back of the room in a solid color blouse, patterned skirt, black leggings, and ankle boots. “Excuse me, sir, I'd like to order now,” says a customer to my girlfriend as she works her barista job, wearing a floral print dress, striped knee … [Read more...]
Who’s Laughing? Trans Women as Humor Objects and Humor Agents
Two years ago, I summoned the courage to stop lying to myself and come out of the closet, beginning my transition to humorless killjoy professional-victim uptight bitch. At least, that's what several old acquaintances and most of the internet would have you believe. Ever since I began living openly as a transgender woman, people's treatment of me has subtly changed. Here in … [Read more...]
Grieving the Living: Parental Control and Bodily Autonomy
Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak … [Read more...]
Leelah Alcorn, the Toxified Body, and the Death of Hope
When transgender teenaged girl Leelah Alcorn took her own life last December, the news spread Internet-swift and the impact on the trans community ran wide and deep. The very public nature of her Tumblr suicide note gave her death a heart-wrenching visibility that contrasted with her isolated life—which was precisely her intention. A lot of digital ink has been spilt in grief … [Read more...]
