As a Black, queer, fat woman, I’m constantly aware of how I navigate most spaces. I’m constantly determining whether I can talk about my girlfriend. I’m constantly wondering whether I can eat what and how I want. And I’m constantly aware of how I’m speaking, from my tone to the words that I’m saying. Sometimes, these concerns come from a place of determining my safety. One … [Read more...]
Why I Refuse To Leave the South as a Queer Black Person
I was born and raised in the Southeast -- rural Georgia, to be precise. I like my teas to be sweet, biscuits with cane syrup, hearts to be blessed, and summers that are hot. Not a day goes by that I don’t say "y’all." I spent many days as a child walking around barefoot in the grass. It’s a regular practice for me to smile at strangers and ask them “how you doing?” All of these … [Read more...]
Cuidarse a uno mismo y el trabajo social
Si le preguntases a mi madre o a mi novia cuándo hice algo equivocado, te dirán algo como, “Bueno, conociendo a Quita, ella nunca hace nada equivocado”. Pero incluso la Princesa de la Perfección tiene que admitir cuándo se equivoca. Mi viaje de cuidarme a mi misma está en un proceso en el que estoy haciendo más cosas mal de las que no. Como alguien que se ocupa en el trabajo … [Read more...]
Who Is the Body Positivity Movement Leaving Behind?
Over the past few weeks, Ashley Graham and Tess Holliday have been featured in many headlines. Ashley Graham is the first plus-sized model to be featured in an ad in Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Edition. Tess Holliday, who is known for her viral #effyourbeautystandards campaign, is the first plus-sized model of her size to be signed to a major modeling agency. While both … [Read more...]
Ain’t We Femme?
This post is dedicated to all of the femmes! When I was a child, Easter was my favorite time of year. Every year, my mom always got me an Easter basket full of goodies. At church, we got to recite our Easter speeches in front of the whole congregation. And after the sermon, they would host an Easter egg hunt for the young folks. They even had a golden egg with money … [Read more...]
Beyonce Did It? : What We Mean When We Say “Cultural Appropriation”
Over the past year, cultural appropriation has become a hot topic. A quick glance at its trends over the past ten years reveals that the word was not new in 2014 however it’s popularity catapulted during that year and has been growing ever since. Celebrities such as Kylie Jenner, Iggy Azalea, Madonna, and countless others have been the inspiration behind many think pieces … [Read more...]
When My Body Wasn’t Mine: Reclaiming Radical Love After Sexual Trauma
As I opened my eyes, the whole room was in a blur and my head was pounding. The brightness of the sunlight streaming into my bedroom window made it even harder for my eyes to focus and intensified my headache. After a few seconds of blinking, I was able to find my phone and check the time. 10:30 AM. I was supposed to have been at a work meeting at 9:00 AM, followed by a six … [Read more...]
Healing in the Midst of Tragedy: How Can Black Folks Keep Surviving in the Face of Constant Trauma?
The church has always been a huge part of my life. Before I joined the junior choir, I would sit in the choir stand with my mom, not even tall enough for my little head to be above the pew. I would sing along to the classic Gospel songs that I knew by heart. I always made a point to remember the scripture of the week for our youth pastor and to know all the books of the Bible … [Read more...]
Learning to Love It, Yes Even That: Boob Sweat and More
At some point last year, I made a conscious decision to be more aware of practicing self-love, self-care, and body positivity. As a fat, black woman, I felt it was necessary to my life and work to be intentional in the ways in which I treat and think of my body. I can’t lie: I’m not great at upholding these practices. It’s not uncommon for me to go most of a working day without … [Read more...]
Pretty Hurts: The Impact of Beauty Standards
Beyonce’s song Pretty Hurts made my internal struggles come to life before my eyes. No, I don’t know what it’s like to be considered pretty and not given validity outside of my body or looks. But I know what’s it like to be fat and for everyone to feel the need to tell me how cute I’d be if I just lost the weight. “My aspiration in life would be…to be happy.” There’s not … [Read more...]
Bad Picture Monday: Loving Yourself Right Now
A picture is worth a thousand words: An old saying that many of us recognize. So I would love to know what our selfies say. For most of us, selfies mean our best photos. And, most times, taking a great selfie is a full-on production. You have to find the right angle, the right lighting, and the right caption. I have perfected my selfies over time. My best angle is a … [Read more...]
Catfish: Queer and Trans Identity on Television and the Internet
I’ve always been reserved. When I was a kid, I was called shy. When I was a teenager, people said I was awkward. Now that I’m an adult, I’m considered an introvert. All of these descriptors have been various ways to identify my difficulties talking with people. Having to talk to people, especially people I don’t know, causes me anxiety. One of my most memorable examples is my … [Read more...]
My Lavender Weave and Why Do You Care?
“This femme wants pastel colored hair, preferably lavender.” It was such a simple Facebook status, but the journey that followed was anything but simple. It was six weeks full of complicated emotions, microaggressions, and respectability politics. It was six weeks of being hyperaware of my presence in different spaces and waiting for the inevitable stares and unwanted … [Read more...]
You are Enough: A Love Letter to Young Me
In honor of International Women’s Day, YouTube launched the global initiative #DearMe, a compilation of women on YouTube sharing words of wisdom with their younger selves. So, in honor of International Women’s Day and Women’s History Month, I have been inspired to write a love letter to my younger self. * * … [Read more...]
