Content note: This article contains discussions of rape and physical, childhood, and sexual abuse. In 2016, on a radical feminist Facebook page for survivors of abuse, someone posted the question, “Do you identity as a victim or survivor?” As the thread progressed over the following weeks, people provided very heartfelt and nuanced responses. The discussion came up at a time … [Read more...]
You’re Not Responsible: How To Unlearn the Guilt Inflicted By Parental Abuse
Content note: This article discusses sexual, physical, and emotional abuse at length. Victims of childhood abuse, rape survivors, and victims of domestic abuse are really good at one thing: feeling guilty. We can feel guilty about everything, particularly things that aren’t our responsibility. Survivors are taught to feel responsible for the actions of perpetrators and, as a … [Read more...]
4 Tools I Use To Replace Self-Harm with Radical Self-Love
Content note: This article contains in-depth descriptions of self-harm and discussions of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. The first time I saw the film American Beauty, one scene stood out to me. Annette Bening stood in the living room of a home she was trying to sell. She assertively closed the vertical blinds, turned around, and started to cry. She then slapped her … [Read more...]
“This Isn’t Working”: How I Learned To Find the Best Therapist for Me
Content note: This article contains references to incest, childhood sexual abuse, and suicidal ideation. Admitting you need therapy can be hard. Finding a therapist can be very tough. Finding a good culturally competent therapist can be downright daunting. I was first put into therapy when I was ten years old. My mother, who has borderline personality disorder, was able to … [Read more...]
Black and Brown Solidarity Post-9/11: Why I Refuse To Engage in Respectability Politics
I used to engage in respectability politics. I was taught that, if I proved I was of "good character,” I would be accepted by white society. I learned that it was my job to convince overtly and covertly racist white people that I was okay. I needed to make myself less threatening to shift their conscious and unconscious racist views and thereby make my life better. I was … [Read more...]
From My Abusive Mother to White Supremacy’s Violence: There Is Danger in Premature Forgiveness
(Content note: This article contains descriptions of anti-Black white terrorism, including a racist slur.) When my mother was stalking me, she had a man assisting her in her efforts. Prior to me getting a restraining order against her, he called several times saying, “You need to forgive your mother.” My mother has never admitted any brutality or abuse against me. She has … [Read more...]
No soy tu muestra
No soy fan del discurso del Dr. King “Tengo un sueño” y del modo que la mayoría de la gente lo interpreta. Muchos olvidan que el principio del discurso se centra en el fracaso de la supremacía blanca del gobierno americano para cumplir la promesa de la proclamación de emancipación y la democracia para toda esta gente. Pero realmente me avergüenzo de la frase “Tengo el sueño de … [Read more...]
Misogynoir: Sexism and Racism in the Lives of Black Women
#BlackWomensLivesMatter #BlackWomenMatter #Bringbackourgirls #Sayhername #Blacktranswomenslivesmatter #MuteRKelly These are just a few of the hashtags that have become popular in the past years to bring attention to violence experienced by black women. There has been much discussion lately about the invisibility of violence against black women, whether this … [Read more...]
Black Women’s Sexuality: Let’s Stop Trying to Reclaim the Past
[Trigger warning: This article mentions sexual abuse, verbal sexual harassment, attempted sexual assault, and threats of sexual assault.] I find most discussions about black female sexuality strange. On the one hand, there seems to be little discussion of male sexuality. Men are not called upon to feel empowered by “embracing” their sexuality. On the other hand, so much of … [Read more...]
Abusing the Uncle in the Backroom: Disability in the Black Community
In my family of origin, there was no uncle and there wasn’t a backroom. However, as my grandfather aged and moved from being able bodied to disabled, he became that uncle and the backroom became a very real and horrible place. Being a caretaker to a family member who is aging or disabled can be a difficult task in the healthiest of families, but it can be done well. When the … [Read more...]
“We Can’t Dismantle What We Don’t Acknowledge:” Ageism From Hollywood to Corporate America
We’re starting the year off equipping you with the tools to discuss issues that affect our society. TBINAA 101 Series is a crash course into gender, sexuality, race and so much more. Simply search 101 and see what we’ve been diving into so far. My first awareness of ageism came when I was younger through the lens of Hollywood during the 1980s. At the time my grandparents were … [Read more...]
We Are What We Eat: Food Justice As An Act of Radical Self Love
I came late to the food justice movement. I wasn’t even really aware of what food justice was again until 2004 when I first heard of calls to boycott Taco Bell by tomato pickers. I was living in Tampa, Florida at the time and had to commute past farms in order to get to work. As news of the boycott spread, I began to see the people working in those fields who were mostly … [Read more...]
When It’s Not All Good: Learning How To Be Okay In The In Between
My name is Toni, and I am a recovering New Ageaholic. Now, to be fair, most of what is passing for the New Age is actually ancient Eastern philosophy adopted — and sometimes, unfortunately, commodified, commercialized, and culturally appropriated — by the Western world. I am now a devout atheist, but at the height of my New Ageaholism, I would have described myself as a … [Read more...]
Sistah Foodie
I am a self-described foodie. And, yes, I am one of those people who takes pictures of her food, to the annoyance of some. I’m not sure where my appreciation for good food developed, but I know I have always been the type to try anything once. In fact, I’m willing to try anything at least three times before I decide I hate it. And then I’m still willing to give it one more … [Read more...]
