In the aftermath of the Alabama Senate election at the head of 2018, Black women have had to remind folks that our primary objective is not in ‘saving the country from itself.” Saving ourselves from this country is also high on our list of priorities and has been so for a very long time. Superficial social media praise juxtaposed against the harsh realities that Black women … [Read more...]
3 Ways Toxic Masculinity Harmed Me as a Male Survivor of Abuse
It’s hard for me to write the story about being in an abusive relationship. Not because it’s hard for me to talk about it, though sometimes it is. Not because I’m still carrying shame and self-doubt or because I might trigger my own trauma responses, though I am and I might. It’s because writing about being a male survivor of intimate partner abuse, especially when your abuser … [Read more...]
The Gender Nonconformity of My Fatness
Last month I was in a public space. Meaning, I was in a space that left my body vulnerable to the interpretations of those around me and their responses. Two strangers met nearby, and one asked the other a question the necessitated acknowledging me. The first did so, referring to me as ‘she’ (“She is waiting in line”). I noted this internally, bemused. He then immediately … [Read more...]
4 Ways to Fight the Whitewashing of Pride
It’s Pride season! For us queer folks it can be a fun time to be extra gay and loud about it and go to parades. However, we can’t forget that the first Pride was a riot and this holiday would not have happened without Marsha P. Johnson, a Black bisexual disabled trans sex worker. Even with the history being well known at this point, many communities’ Prides are incredibly … [Read more...]
10 Ways to Check Your Privilege Around Poor and Working-Class Friends
It’s important to come to terms with your class privilege and disrupt your assumptions about how your friends from poor and working-class backgrounds relate to money and wealth. As someone who grew up working-class, my idea of being wealthy was living in a two-story house. The types of extreme wealth I would encounter in adulthood just didn’t exist in the … [Read more...]
6 Ways to Love Yourself When You’re Undocumented in the U.S.A.
1. Remember that your existence is valid. When you're constantly the subject of laws, amendments, and media speculation; it's easy to forget that you are more than just a number. Your existence is valid, regardless of how you crossed the border, where you are from, and where you are today. Human beings cannot be “illegal”, especially in a country whose laws are built … [Read more...]
Who Can and Cannot be Feminine… Without Giving Up Their Safety?
Before being out as feminine, in order to maintain any sense of safety (no matter how fragile), I was always expected and only allowed to express my femininity with certain restrictions, and these restrictions changed depending on who I was with and where I was. This often made things not only confusing, but miserable. It was difficult to keep up with who I was supposed to … [Read more...]
Here Are 5 Palestinian Wonder Women You Need To Know About
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminsim.com and is republished with permission. Co-written note from the editor and author: Since there has been a large number of Jewish folk who feel that this article is anti-Semitic, we wanted to clarify our position and intention. This article is critical of Zionism and the Israeli apartheid occupation of … [Read more...]
Radical Honesty: 7 Ways to Create Safe Space in Non-Monogamous Relationships
“Bae, wifey, partner, open, oh my…" Find and use language you connect with. This is about your intimacy practices, don’t settle for language you don’t love. I personally hate the word polyamorous. It sounds too clinical, too science-y to me, like polygon, polyester, polytechnic … I can’t connect with it so I don’t use it. (Also, heads up for those who do … [Read more...]
The Urge to Hide: Is it Shame or Self-Preservation?
There are many things about me that are not obvious simply from looking. I am queer. I am asexual. I am polyamorous. I am non-binary. I am mentally ill/neurodivergent. What do all these things have in common? They are things that people tend to assume I am not, until I tell them otherwise. The fact that these parts of me are invisible gives me the ability to move through … [Read more...]
How Social Media Can Help or Hinder Your Mental Health & Body Image
Throughout my struggles with mental health, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on the things that have helped and hindered my healing as I worked my way through depression, anxiety, and a truly unhealthy relationship with my own body. Social media, thanks to its subtle but lingering presence in my life, is one of those things. To be clear, social media has hurt me. It’s been a … [Read more...]
No More Shame: 3 Ways to Love Yourself This Ramadan
Ramadan began two weeks ago, and across the world, Muslims who are observing the month abstain from food and drink from sunrise to sunset for 30 days. For those of us who fast, readiness is a layered concept. For some of us, it’s the physical component that is difficult to prepare ourselves for. Denying yourself food and drink during the daytime hours is difficult. It’s … [Read more...]
Worth & Desire: 4 Emotions I Still Work Through While Practicing Non-monogamy
“Muriel and I talked about love as a voluntary commitment, while we each struggled through the steps of an old dance, not consciously learned but desperately followed … In those warm spaces of survival, love was another name for control, however openly given.” - Audre Lorde I return to this quote from Zami so often. It makes me think about the ways I have loved, do love, and … [Read more...]
When Love Isn’t Enough: Removing Myself From Toxic Relationships
To say I was a late bloomer is an understatement. I didn’t date at all in high school. I had terrible self-esteem and disordered eating, which led to self-sabotage. I dated briefly my freshman year of college, but that relationship ended when I found out he was cheating on me with my best guy friend. After this, I closed my heart and avoided connecting with men outside of … [Read more...]
