A couple of years ago, I complimented a classmate on her outfit as we were waiting for the professor to arrive. “I love that lipstick color on you,” I said. “Thanks!” she replied. “It was just a red lipstick kind of day, you know?” “Well, I don’t really wear red lipstick, but it looks so gorgeous on you,” I said. “Why don’t you?” she asked. “I bet you’d look amazing with it … [Read more...]
6 Questions to Ask Your Partner When You Have More Privilege Than Them
This piece was originally published by EverydayFeminism.com under the title "6 Questions to Ask If You Have More Privilege Than Your Partner" and is republished with permission. Content note: This article briefly alludes to suicidal ideation and eating disorders. I learned to be a girlfriend through ’90s American rom-coms. 90% of the time, I learned, I had to be … [Read more...]
Listen To Our Foremothers: Why Black Women Deserve to Balance Our Rage With Our Joy
It is a sad time for Black women in this country. I would love to say that this time is unique and unlike that which our foremothers faced after being stolen and brought to this country, holding onto their souls and the shreds of their dignity they were determined never to give up. But we know this is not true. Today, as we carry our rage and sadness, feeling an … [Read more...]
3 Ways Autistic Adults Experience Domestic Abuse — And 3 Ways to Stop It
This article was originally published on The Establishment under the title "We Need To Talk About the Domestic Abuse of Autistic Adults" and is republished with permission. Content Warning: This article references sexual abuse. It didn’t take long for me to identify a sweeping problem that no one is talking about. After much confusion, anguish, flashbacks, self-blame, and … [Read more...]
Not Your “Geisha Doll”: Why We Need to Stop Skirting Around Racist Sexual Violence
Content note: This article discusses acts of sexual violence. The fact that sexual violence is often experienced alongside racism for many people of color is almost always glossed over in discussions about sexual assault and rape. When it's mentioned at all, it's mentioned quickly, and everyone nods their head in agreement. During these conversations, most white people … [Read more...]
Waiting Tables Ain’t Easy: Why Service Workers’ Treatment Is Unacceptable
“Hi, how’s it going?” “I want the soup. Wait, what is polenta?” “Well -- ” “Is that that corn based thing?” “So, it’s -- ” “No I don’t think I’d like that. Give me the soup.” This is the conversation I have been having for eight years. Eight years of people speaking at me as if I don’t exist except to service their needs. On days when it is particularly bad, I joke with … [Read more...]
3 Ways to Honor 9/11 Without Being Islamophobic
The anniversary of the September 11th attacks is always a precarious time. Because this tragedy is wrapped up in nationalist sentiments, the memorializing of our national grief easily gets caught up in anti-Islamic sentiments. Grief and pain and nationalism all seem to get conflated and simplified during this time. This anniversary is often a time of heightened vigilance for … [Read more...]
Thwarted Belonging and Reasons for Hope: Queer Black Trans Pain Matters
Content note: This article includes (non-graphic) discussion of a completed suicide. One of my closest friends died by suicide. The days after their death were jarring and bewildering. I carefully tried to drink water, only to involuntarily spit it up while sobbing. I tried to eat, only able to eat soup and beans. (To my horror, the hot Funyuns a friend offered made me … [Read more...]
The Crisis of State-Enabled Violence: 4 Ways Homelessness Is Body Terrorism
“The idea of freedom is inspiring. But what does it mean? If you are free in a political sense but have no food, what's that? The freedom to starve?” -- Angela Davis Where I live, in the Bay Area, we are in the thick of a homelessness crisis affecting thousands of people. In San Francisco in 2015, close to one in every hundred residents was homeless. It's similar in … [Read more...]
10 Ways to Check Your Privilege With Fast Food and Other Service Workers
My brother is a service industry worker. He works at a hamburger restaurant doing all sorts of tasks, from taking orders from testy customers who want to order items that don’t exist on the menu, to cleaning up the messes people leave behind on their tables, to cleaning bathrooms and taking out garbage as swarms of flies buzz around his face. All for ten dollars an hour. Many … [Read more...]
7 Microaggressions Trans People Face in Health and Mental Healthcare Settings
Note: This piece first appeared on the website Lighthouse and is reprinted here by permission. Lighthouse is a startup that matches LGBTQ people with nearby LGBTQ-affirming therapists and doctors. We asked a gender-nonconforming therapist how healthcare providers can become trans-competent and avoid unintentionally harming patients. Whether in an emergency room, a therapy … [Read more...]
6 Ways to Love Yourself When You’re Undocumented in the US
From one immigrant to another, I know many people will say you could've done "it" differently. We are judged, demonized, and under constant attack. The broken US immigration system, meanwhile, tries to intimidate us into believing we have no choices left, that we must accept whatever fate a judge decides for us. But remember that your migration to this country meant choosing … [Read more...]
“I Can’t Believe She Wore That!”: What Shaming Others Reveals About Our Own Body Shame
One day at the grocery store, I saw three young people walking through the parking lot. One of the girls wore short shorts. Very short shorts. And Ugg boots. I commented -- a lot. My children were with me. I didn’t think at the time about what they processed as I ranted about how short the shorts were. How ridiculous she looked wearing Uggs in July. My own words came back to me … [Read more...]
This is What It’s Like To Battle an Eating Disorder as a Trans Person
Content Note: The following article is written by two authors in separate vignettes exploring their individual narratives. Please know that if you are struggling with an eating disorder, there is help. In the US, dial the toll-free, confidential National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. You are not alone. by Teo Schlögl: I am a white non-binary trans … [Read more...]
