This piece first appeared on the website, Lighthouse, and is reprinted here by permission. Lighthouse is a rapidly growing new startup that matches LGBTQ people with nearby, LGBTQ affirming therapists and doctors. We asked a gender nonconforming therapist how healthcare providers can become trans-competent and avoid unintentionally harming patients. Whether … [Read more...]
“You Deserve to Heal:” 4 Steps to Move Through Survivor’s Guilt
CN: sexual violence, abuse In many methods of healing from trauma, confronting shame is often central to the process. Free up shame, get out from under the blame placed on survivors, and healing is supposed to get easier. Yet when survivor’s guilt goes unaddressed, it’s easy to fall into the pattern of prioritizing other people’s needs over individual needs. Survivors … [Read more...]
Political Parenting: 5 Lessons Resisting the Trump Administration Taught My Kids and I
1.The Face of Hate I’m walking my daughter home from the bus stop and she’s chattering about the elections. I’m glad she’s learning about it at school but I listen closely ready to pounce on any propaganda. While our town is pretty liberal, I’m not so sure about my children’s teachers. Suddenly my child asks, “Do you think my teacher is voting for Trump?” I wish I could say … [Read more...]
We All F*ck Up: The Importance of Loving Yourself Even When You Disappoint Yourself
Look, the act of self love ain’t never been no easy thing — especially when you’re experiencing copious amounts of scarcity, shame, disenfranchisement, or loss. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be a 10 billion dollar skin-lightening industry in countries where the world’s darkest people reside. Forty-two percent of voting women wouldn’t have voted for Donald Trump … [Read more...]
Art as Resistance: 7 Undocumented Artists That You Want to Follow
When I wake up in the morning, I always reach for my phone. The best mornings start with cumbias in the background. I put on my favorite mix, and throw on a shirt, made by the homies from the IYC. I text my friend Paula, and we chat about upcoming shows and concerts, we talk about ideas for our community, and as my eyes travel across the art on my walls, I sigh. My mornings and … [Read more...]
Are You Hot in That? And 3 Other Hijab Questions People Can Stop Asking
There’s something about difference – almost any kind of difference – that makes people in dominant cultures/identity categories feel like they can disregard and disrespect boundaries by asking deeply personal questions or physically crossing the boundaries of people who embody that difference. And isn’t this the foundation for cultural appropriation? White people, cis … [Read more...]
6 Questions to Ask If You Have More Privilege Than Your Partner
This piece was originally published by EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. (Content Warning: mention of death; eating disorders; misogynist, racist, anti-queer, and anti-trans violence) I learned to be a girlfriend through ’90s American rom-coms. 90% of the time, I learned, I had to be laughing or cutely disagreeing with my white leading man. At … [Read more...]
How Being a Black Child of Immigrants Complicates Your Relationship With America
I’m not Black. I remember being very young and my mother telling me this. She wasn’t defensive or upset that I had asked her the question. She was simply stating a fact. I’m not Black. I’m Jamaican. She had never even considered herself Black until moving to this country as a teenager and encountering the term on immigration papers and then soon after, encountering the reality … [Read more...]
4 Ways Mainstream Animal Rights Movements Are Oppressive
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. Growing up Kanaka Maoli, there was always a part of me that understood that my relatives did not just include people. The honu (green sea turtle), mano (shark), and pu’eo (owl) were my relatives too, and they were deserving of respect and care just like their human counterparts. Based off … [Read more...]
7 Ways Not to be an Ally on Halloween
Halloween is eagerly anticipated by many. It's an opportunity to eat candy, dress up, and revel in nerdy pastimes or scary movies. Yet all too often, enjoying Halloween is a privilege experienced by people who don't have their identity infringed on by well-meaning, ignorant, or outright hateful celebrants. If you're doing something on this list, you're not excused by … [Read more...]
3 Reasons You Wouldn’t Believe My Ex Abused Me – And Why They All Mean You Should
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. Content Warning: Partner abuse, rape, victim-blaming) Here’s the truth: My ex-boyfriend abused me. He treated me worse than anyone outside of our relationship will ever know. Some of you might believe me if I told you. But I’ve heard over and over again the common reasons for … [Read more...]
Why Reproductive Justice Means Going Beyond Pro-Choice Politics
For as long as I’ve been politically aware, I have considered myself staunchly pro-choice. From a young age, I knew that I didn’t want to have children or start a family, and now in my mid-twenties, that attitude hasn’t wavered. More than that, the idea of having to carry a pregnancy—especially one I didn’t want—to term terrified me. So before I had been exposed to the concepts … [Read more...]
We’re All Problematic…. But Here’s How to Work Through the Issues We Perpetuate
In all twelve-step programs, one of the steps is to take a personal inventory, which means taking an honest look at ourselves and confronting ideas and behaviors that cause us problems. These include all the ways we prevent ourselves from being the people we want to be, and seeing ourselves as our best selves. These are also the behaviors that can bring us into conflict with … [Read more...]
I Don’t Owe You Beauty: On Removing External Expectations & Celebrating Our Radically Nonconforming Selves
“It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful. I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.” ~Warsan Shire As an aspiring poet, the words of Warsan Shire hold a special sway over me. It’s not only her eloquence that draws me to her writing, but also the depth of her wisdom. I’ve always felt that it’s not enough to say something well; … [Read more...]
