This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. Content Warning: Partner abuse, rape, victim-blaming) Here’s the truth: My ex-boyfriend abused me. He treated me worse than anyone outside of our relationship will ever know. Some of you might believe me if I told you. But I’ve heard over and over again the common reasons for … [Read more...]
Why Reproductive Justice Means Going Beyond Pro-Choice Politics
For as long as I’ve been politically aware, I have considered myself staunchly pro-choice. From a young age, I knew that I didn’t want to have children or start a family, and now in my mid-twenties, that attitude hasn’t wavered. More than that, the idea of having to carry a pregnancy—especially one I didn’t want—to term terrified me. So before I had been exposed to the concepts … [Read more...]
We’re All Problematic…. But Here’s How to Work Through the Issues We Perpetuate
In all twelve-step programs, one of the steps is to take a personal inventory, which means taking an honest look at ourselves and confronting ideas and behaviors that cause us problems. These include all the ways we prevent ourselves from being the people we want to be, and seeing ourselves as our best selves. These are also the behaviors that can bring us into conflict with … [Read more...]
I Don’t Owe You Beauty: On Removing External Expectations & Celebrating Our Radically Nonconforming Selves
“It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful. I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.” ~Warsan Shire As an aspiring poet, the words of Warsan Shire hold a special sway over me. It’s not only her eloquence that draws me to her writing, but also the depth of her wisdom. I’ve always felt that it’s not enough to say something well; … [Read more...]
The Dangers of Premature Forgiveness
When my mother was stalking me, she had a man assisting her in her efforts. Prior to me getting a restraining order against her, he called several times saying, “You need to forgive your mother.” My mother has never admitted any brutality or abuse against me. She has never apologized or acknowledged wrongdoing, never made any amends for her spiritual, emotional, physical, … [Read more...]
Pokemon Go: How I Care For Myself During Depressive Episodes
For anyone who wasn’t around at the time, or for whom the craze didn’t exactly catch, Pokemon is a franchise of games, cartoons, and comics centered on a fictional world populated by creatures called Pokemon (a portmanteau of “pocket monsters”). The people in this world capture, collect, care for, trade, and battle these creatures, traveling around and having … [Read more...]
What’s Missing from #MeToo and #TimesUp: One Indigenous Woman’s Perspective
This article was originally published by Princess Daazhraii Johnson and is republished with permission. As I have watched the national dialogue unfold around sexual harassment and sexual violence, I can’t help but take notice of the lack of tie in to a much larger picture: namely, how men have abused their power to dominate and inflict violence upon not only women (and … [Read more...]
Keyboard Cowardice: How Internet Anonymity is Fuel For Body Terrorism
The intention behind keeping our internet lives private was so we could protect ourselves. Online communication largely takes place with people we don’t personally know and so it makes sense to keep some information private. We don’t want strangers being able to find out intimate details of our personal lives. However, this common sense approach to internet discourse has led to … [Read more...]
Recognizing When We Get It Wrong and Forgiving Ourselves Afterward
If you are reading this article on a site like The Body is Not An Apology, I cannot conclude anything about you with any certainty — beyond the fact that, in this moment, you have the ability to access my work. I don’t pretend to know you personally or to speak with confidence about your background or, indeed, regarding anything else about you. A major tenet of the radical … [Read more...]
Reward Yourself for Taking Care of You: 5 Ways to Self-Care & Why It’s Necessary
As we roll ever closer to the U.S. presidential election, along with waking up to more news of police violence against people of color, self-care is likely going to be high on all of our to-do lists. For many, like me, self-care also becomes a necessity as the days start to get darker. I’m a big believer that the ways we care for ourselves are as varied and individual as we … [Read more...]
Radical Accountability: Navigating The Abusive Habits We May Perpetuate Towards Ourselves
I often find myself thinking about folks who’ve never unraveled. I wonder what that must feel like – if they feel safe with/in themselves. I’m not talking about that human I just can’t seem to get my shit together right now unravel. I mean the seams of your world rip apart and you just slip right off the Earth unravel. I mean the rhythm of all those basic things involved in … [Read more...]
Misogynoir: Black Women and Femmes Surviving in the Face of State-Sanctioned Violence
This is supposed to be an essay about misogynoir and the state. For me, state-sanctioned violence against Black women and femmes is an issue that is as hypervisible and super-exploited as it is misunderstood. Long before Black feminist scholar Moya Bailey created the term “misogynoir,” the phenomenon has wreaked havoc on African people worldwide, reinforced by a … [Read more...]
Hair Apparent: Being Brown, Femme and Loving My Body Hair
There is a tumbr post making the rounds on my dash. The first picture in the series is of an Iranian princess Zahra Khanom Tadj es-Saltaneh from the Qajar dynasty. The legend goes - she was considered so beautiful that about a dozen or so men died after she rejected them. The photograph stands in stark contrast to the usual “exotic” representation of Middle astern princesses … [Read more...]
“Be Sweet With Yourself:” You Are Allowed to be Both a Masterpiece & a Mess
Trigger Warning: attempted suicide, cutting, stitches, detailed graphic writing on scars. “Be sweet with yourself.” That’s what my friend Joy told me when we parted one month ago. She was leaving for a new life in Tennessee. I was just out of the hospital. It was a pretty remarkable thing to say. Sweet with myself is exactly what I’m not. I’m harsh and critical … [Read more...]
