It’s hard for me to write the story about being in an abusive relationship. Not because it’s hard for me to talk about it, though sometimes it is. Not because I’m still carrying shame and self-doubt or because I might trigger my own trauma responses, though I am and I might. It’s because writing about being a male survivor of intimate partner abuse, especially when your abuser … [Read more...]
8 Lessons for Men To Heal Rough Relationships With Their Bodies
Content note: This article contains references to dieting and struggles with food. Men in our society -- contrary to what the ideology of toxic masculinity would have us believe -- are extremely susceptible to the weight loss, dieting, and exercise culture we're subjected to every day. That includes, but is definitely not limited to, the near incessant advertising for workout … [Read more...]
Rejecting the “Real Man” Myth: Why Men Should Embrace Their Femininity
Associating oneself with specific “masculine” or “feminine” traits is a big part of how most people define their gender identities. However, some of the biggest issues arise when it is deemed “inappropriate” for someone to exhibit traits of the “opposite” gender. Take, for example, men who exhibit a strong sense of emotional sensitivity. This trait is typically aligned with … [Read more...]
4 Formas de en las que los varones pueden asumir trabajo emocional en una relación (y por qué deberían)
Ya sean románticas, sexuales, platónicas o profesionales, las emociones siempre jugaran un rol fundamental en que tan exitosa o poco exitosa es cualquier relación. Las relaciones, por definición, requieren que dos o más partes aporten cierta cantidad de esfuerzo emocional para mantener la relación a flote. A menudo sucede que una sola persona afronta el choque emocional, … [Read more...]
Stop Hurting Women: We Belong to Ourselves Despite Violent Male Entitlement
[Content note: descriptions of violence, gendered violence, rape, physical assault, sexual assault, death] Mary “Unique” Spears, a mother of three, was shot on the streets for rejecting a man’s advances. April Sams was thrown over a six-story parking structure by a male co-worker whose unwanted advances she had refused. Maren Sanchez was stabbed in her high school hallway … [Read more...]
Calling Fellow Cis Men: Why We Can’t Stay Silent About Reproductive Justice
I have never made it a secret that for a lengthy period of time in my life, I identified as pro-life. For a time, it was a decision related to the Catholic faith I was raised in. Later, even after leaving Catholicism behind, I maintained my position on something resembling a well-meaning but simplistic ethical basis. I say this with no hint of pride or irony: when I was … [Read more...]
4 Ways Men Can Take On More Emotional Labor in Relationships (And Why We Should)
Relationships, by definition, require two or more parties to put forth some amount of emotional effort in order to keep the relationship afloat. Oftentimes one person takes on the brunt of the emotions—especially the negative or stressful emotions—that are produced in their relationships. This collective emotional give-and-take is called emotional labor; it’s the work and … [Read more...]
Carving Out My Own Masculinity as a Disabled Trans Man
When I was in the Job Corps and had to choose a trade to learn, I chose the one that most of the male students and the masculine-identified AFAB (assigned female at birth) ones did: construction. It was, to the sensibilities of a bunch of working-class 16-to-24-year-olds, the only trade offered that was macho enough. And I sucked at it. I was clumsy. Motor coordination and … [Read more...]
5 Common Behaviors Cis Men May Not Realize Are Abusive (And How To Stop Them)
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminsim.com and is republished with permission. I recently attended a presentation by Tony Porter, founder of A Call to Men. After watching his TED Talk, I was incredibly excited to see him speak because of how he demands of men that we consider the ways that all of us can act in abusive and violent ways. Seeing him in person, … [Read more...]
8 Ways Men Can Get More Honest About Body Shame
No matter what gender or size you are, everyone has the potential to feel the effects of body shame. Although men, especially cis men, are typically less likely to admit that they feel ashamed of their bodies, that doesn’t mean such feelings don’t occur. It may not be displayed in very explicit ways, such as in the form of mental illness or eating disorders, but there is no … [Read more...]
An Open Letter for F*ckboys: Fear Is at the Root of Toxic Masculinity
I’ve been told many times by my wife that men suck. Her words offended me, angered, and even irritated me - how could my wife, someone married to a man, make such a sweeping declaration? This is an open letter about how I, a recovering fuckboy, came to find her words so true and how radical self-love is changing my life. Let’s jump right into this: “Men suck.” It’s the … [Read more...]
What Went Wrong With Men That 12 Million Women Said #MeToo?
This article originally appeared in yes! magazine and is reprinted by permission from the writer. The massive outpouring of women saying #MeToo is both heartbreaking in its scope and encouraging in the bravery and solidarity it shows—12 million uses of #MeToo on social media in the first 24 hours, according to various reports. Commentators are rightly saying we need to … [Read more...]
Living Inside the Contradictions: My Father’s Love and My Father’s Abuse
I've been thinking a lot lately about the polarized extremes that show up in our public discourse. It's nearly impossible to find a comment thread on the Internet in which people do not feel compelled to take only one position on an issue and to reject any contradiction, any paradox, any additional truths that might illuminate the issue in a more complex way. Perhaps we humans … [Read more...]
7 Reasons Why Patriarchy Is Bad (And Feminism Is Good) for Men
No matter where you look in the multiple facets of our country’s culture and our current events, male dominance can be, well, quite dominant and overbearing. Patriarchy—which is the conceptualization of how men, especially cis men, and masculinity are seen as better than, are more respected than, and hold more privileges than women and nonbinary people or femininity—permeates … [Read more...]
