This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. Never is a man so potentially dangerous to a female-read person as when he claims to be a feminist. But this is not an opinion that will endear you to many feminists, even other women. “How can you alienate your own allies?” they say. “How perfect do you really expect them to … [Read more...]
6 Times I Was Boxed Into Stereotypical Black Masculinity & How I Got Out
As a mixed-race person, who identifies heavily with his black identity, I have experienced the bad and the ugly of the racial stereotype game. I do have some privilege in the respect that in some spaces I am not read as black, but often I am subjugated like my black male peers to the stereotypes that haunt us from day to day. There are many examples of this subjugation … [Read more...]
#Masculinities: Men Are the First Casualties of Toxic Masculinity
This article first appeared on Guerrilla Resistance and is reprinted by permission. Yes, it is true and I’m not talking about sexual abuse. Some of the debates about feminism often lack one side of the story: men’s. Probably some people reading this will question my phrasing and be skeptical towards my provocative headline or what my motives are. If that was you, I only … [Read more...]
Survey Says!: 5 Myths About Fat Men and Dating
About a month ago, one of my sisters tagged me in a video she recorded of Family Feud—a game show where two families compete for a cash prize by trying to find the most popular answers to a variety of questions. On the episode of the daytime game show she recorded, host and comedian Steve Harvey asks the contestants to answer a rather loaded statement: “Name a reason a woman … [Read more...]
4 Formas de en las que los varones pueden asumir trabajo emocional en una relación (y por qué deberían)
Ya sean románticas, sexuales, platónicas o profesionales, las emociones siempre jugaran un rol fundamental en que tan exitosa o poco exitosa es cualquier relación. Las relaciones, por definición, requieren que dos o más partes aporten cierta cantidad de esfuerzo emocional para mantener la relación a flote. A menudo sucede que una sola persona afronta el … [Read more...]
When Masculinity Fails Men
This article originally appeared in Paging Dr. Nerdlove and is reprinted by permission. It’s been an interesting week for talking about masculinity. To start with, ABC’s 20/20 aired a story about the Manosphere and the Men’s Rights Movement (which, ironically enough seems to have touched off a weird Jay-Z/Nas-esque feud between two leading voices of the MRM). The Daily … [Read more...]
6 Ways Gender Binary Stereotypes Make Mental Illness Invisible in Men
Mental health issues affect everyone, no matter how you identify, and regardless of if you go through classical forms of psychiatric diagnosis or work to recognize the symptoms of mental illness in your own life or in the lives of those you love. This fact comes as no surprise to many of us, but for some, there is a strong denial that they are affected by mental health issues. … [Read more...]
5 Common Behaviors Cis Men May Not Realize Are Abusive (And How to Stop Them)
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminsim.com and is republished with permission. I recently attended a presentation by Tony Porter, founder of A Call to Men. After watching his TED Talk, I was incredibly excited to see him speak because of how he demands of men that we consider the ways that all of us can act in abusive and violent ways. Seeing him in … [Read more...]
We Belong to Ourselves: On Male Entitlement and Women’s Right to Say No
[Trigger Warning: descriptions of violence, gendered violence, rape, physical assault, sexual assault, death] Mary “Unique” Spears, a mother of three, was shot on the streets for rejecting a man’s advances. April Sams was thrown over a six-story parking structure by a male co-worker whose unwanted advances she had refused. Maren Sanchez was stabbed in her high school … [Read more...]
It’s OK to Be Vulnerable, Men
This article was originally published on The Good Men Project and is republished with permission. “Pain is just weakness leaving the body.” “Be a man.” “Stop crying like a little bitch.” “Don’t be such a pussy.” Sound familiar? Yeah, it does to me too, unfortunately. One needs to do nothing more than watch the video of a young Amar Collins, posted by his father on … [Read more...]
More Than Just Broad Shoulders: On Being “Too Big”
Shopping for clothes always seems like such a chore. Beyond the issues of succumbing to capitalist patriarchal standards of what “looks good,” shopping can quickly become a session of self-loathing, especially when you are “too big” for what you want to wear. You find something that looks great on the rack, but when you put it on, the buttons are stretched out, or you cannot … [Read more...]
6 Ways Men Can Work to Undo the Emotional Trauma They Have Caused
One of the most widespread consequences of toxic masculinity and patriarchy is the trauma that others face when subjected to it. This trauma ranges from physical (bodily harm, physical abuse, sexual violence), to mental (manipulation, condescension, attacking mental stability), to emotional (unreciprocated emotional labor, exacerbating emotional disorder symptoms). Each of … [Read more...]
8 Ways for Men to Heal a Rough Relationship With Their Body
Although the landscape of toxic masculinity would like us all to believe otherwise, men in our society are extremely susceptible to the weight loss, dieting, and exercise culture we are subjected to every day. That includes, but is definitely not limited to: the near incessant advertising for work out programs on TV and streaming services; the glorification of athletes’ and fit … [Read more...]
8 Ways Men Can Get More Honest About Body Shame
No matter what gender or size you are, everyone has the potential to feel the effects of body shame. Although men, especially cis men, are typically less likely to admit that they feel ashamed of their bodies, that doesn’t mean such feelings don’t occur. It may not be displayed in very explicit ways, such as in the form of mental illness or eating disorders, but there is no … [Read more...]
