I have seen a lot of conversations recently about what the term “ally” means to social justice and radical movements. Is “ally” an identity? What role should allies play in larger discussions of oppression and resistance? Should allies have access to spaces created specifically for those who experience oppression? The goal of many of these discussions is to determine what an … [Read more...]
Fat Parenting 101: 7 Things to Know as a Fat Parent
Parents of all sizes have to navigate how to teach their kids about bodies. But for us fat parents it can be even more challenging because we have to deal with internalized fatphobia as well as the fatphobia directed at us from the world (and sometimes our kids). These thoughts are things that have worked for me as I have navigated being a fat parent raising (hopefully) … [Read more...]
5 Ways ‘Asian Woman Fetishes’ Put Asian Women in Serious Danger
Republished from Everyday Feminism Recently, a friend and I were talking about growing up Asian American in predominantly white neighborhoods and schools, and she told me that when she was in fifth grade, boys teased her on the playground by saying that she had a “sideways vagina.” This has happened to me, too – and I’m sure to so many other Asian girls. From … [Read more...]
Yes, That’s Hair & Yes, I’m Ok: Loving ALL of Your Hair While Being Black and Femme
For black people hair is a really big deal, especially for black femmes. From an early age having beautiful hair or ‘good hair’ has always been illustrated as having straightened or permed strands. Socially, I was very much made aware that as a black child my braids, twists and puffs were inferior to a white girl’s long straight strands. At that age I had a strong desire to be … [Read more...]
6 Ways Gender Binary Stereotypes Make Mental Illness Invisible in Men
Mental health issues affect everyone, no matter how you identify, and regardless of if you go through classical forms of psychiatric diagnosis or work to recognize the symptoms of mental illness in your own life or in the lives of those you love. This fact comes as no surprise to many of us, but for some, there is a strong denial that they are affected by mental health issues. … [Read more...]
Worth & Desire: 4 Emotions I Still Work Through While Practicing Non-monogamy
“Muriel and I talked about love as a voluntary commitment, while we each struggled through the steps of an old dance, not consciously learned but desperately followed … In those warm spaces of survival, love was another name for control, however openly given.” - Audre Lorde I return to this quote from Zami so often. It makes me think about the ways I have loved, do love, and … [Read more...]
“We Can’t Dismantle What We Don’t Acknowledge:” Ageism From Hollywood to Corporate America
We’re starting the year off equipping you with the tools to discuss issues that affect our society. TBINAA 101 Series is a crash course into gender, sexuality, race and so much more. Simply search 101 and see what we’ve been diving into so far. My first awareness of ageism came when I was younger through the lens of Hollywood during the 1980s. At the time my grandparents were … [Read more...]
Why Taking the Job Home Is Killing Us: Radical Ways to Break the Binary of “Work” & “Home”
Three years ago, I got my first job out of graduate school as a therapist working with at-risk youth and their families. Because this was my first job out of graduate school, I felt I had to give it my all. Not only that, I took a year off after school during which I hit my rock-bottom in my own drug addiction. A year coming out of my rock-bottom in drug addiction is when I got … [Read more...]
7 Ways to Support Someone Who is Struggling with Their Gender Identity
Don’t assume you ‘know’ what their authentic gender is. Don’t assume you know what they are going through. Don’t assume anything. Listen. Listen. Listen. Open yourself. Hear. Hear. Hear. Every person’s gender journey is distinctly theirs; there are no cookie-cutter ten steps to success. Who is this person? What matters to them? How do they talk about their gender? … [Read more...]
7 Pieces of Advice for Dating While You Are Nonbinary
Let's be real -- the vast majority of dating advice is aggressively cisheteronormative. From popular magazines and dating advice books to talk shows and Bachelor Nation, we have a veritable dearth of suggestions on how cishet white able-bodied upper middle class folks can date each other within cishet, patriarchal structures. Fighting over the bill only to … [Read more...]
The Pressure of Productivity: What Unemployment Taught Me About Mental Health
As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, I am all too familiar with how on-the-job stress can affect your mental health, and vice versa. What I didn’t realize, however, was how much worse not having a job would be for my mental health—until I had to live through several months of being unemployed myself. With unemployment, of course there’s the obvious stressor: … [Read more...]
5 Common Behaviors Cis Men May Not Realize Are Abusive (And How to Stop Them)
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminsim.com and is republished with permission. I recently attended a presentation by Tony Porter, founder of A Call to Men. After watching his TED Talk, I was incredibly excited to see him speak because of how he demands of men that we consider the ways that all of us can act in abusive and violent ways. Seeing him in … [Read more...]
5 Ways Ableism Looks in Queer Spaces
This article was originally published on Wear Your Voice and is republished with permission. “Ableism shapes attitudes… and systems that ultimately dehumanize… [and] criminalize people whose bodies don’t fit into socially constructed notions of what constitutes a ”normal” human being.”-Edward Ndopu and Darnell L. Moore As queer folks with … [Read more...]
You’re Not Overreacting: 7 Ways to Avoid Being Gaslit When You Stand Up For Yourself
We all have needs. Some of our needs are basic, in that all of us need them and many of us, thankfully, have them (food, shelter, warmth, etc.). Some of our other needs are more individualised or specific, in that not everybody has them and not everybody needs them (silence when studying, something to cuddle when sleeping, no spices or gluten in food, etc.). These more specific … [Read more...]
