My life has been plagued by people telling me what I can and cannot wear. They tell me not only what is supposed to look good on my short, pear-shaped body, but more distressingly, what I have to wear to be “acceptable.” I've been living a life of “good girls don’t wear that” as a youth, to “successful women don’t wear that” in college, to “female ministers don’t wear that” … [Read more...]
Fantasy or Disrespect?: 7 Halloween Costume Pitfalls to Avoid
Halloween is eagerly anticipated by many. It's an opportunity to eat candy, dress up, and revel in nerdy pastimes or scary movies. Yet all too often, enjoying Halloween is a privilege experienced by people who don't have their identity infringed on by well-meaning, ignorant, or outright hateful celebrants. This is not only a problem with individuals, but with industry; with … [Read more...]
5 Examples of Trump’s Gaslighting That Exemplify My Emotionally Abusive Ex
Editor's Note: This article was originally published February 17, 2017 on EverydayFeminism under the title "5 Gaslighting Phrases Donald Trump Used That Remind Me a Lot of My Abusive Ex." It is republished here with permission. In light of the current impeachment proceedings, we found the piece important to repost as a helpful set of tools for understanding how gaslighting … [Read more...]
Los 4 modos in los que la no-monogamia me ha ayudado ha sentirme mas segura y comoda en las relaciones romanticas
No ser monógama me ha resuelto mis necesidad de sentirme más segura y cómoda en las relaciones románticas. Esto sorprende a mucha gente, cuando lo comparto, sobre todo, porque desde mi experiencia, mucha gente con la que he hablado la considera que ese comportamiento es una fuente de ansiedad, inseguridad, poca comunicación y falta de compromiso. Es una opinión común pensar … [Read more...]
7 Things My Loved Ones Got Right When I Came Out As Non-Binary
I didn't have the perfect experience coming out as transgender and non-binary. Many friends and acquaintances weren't able to change their perception of me and didn't understand the new terms I was using to describe myself. As I meet new people and make new friends, I still struggle daily with coming out. But I was lucky that there were a lot of things my loved ones did right … [Read more...]
7 Things I Wish People Knew About Being A Fat Woman
This article originally appeared on SHESAID and has been republished with permission. I used to spend a lot of time wondering if people were polite to my face and rude behind my back, probably because I’ve caught people doing that before. To my face they’d tell me how cute my outfit was. Then I’d turn around and they’d make a comment about how “brave” I was for wearing a skirt … [Read more...]
3 Ways Autistic Adults Experience Domestic Abuse — And 3 Ways to Stop It
This article was originally published on The Establishment under the title "We Need To Talk About the Domestic Abuse of Autistic Adults" and is republished with permission. Content Warning: This article references sexual abuse. It didn’t take long for me to identify a sweeping problem that no one is talking about. After much confusion, anguish, flashbacks, self-blame, and … [Read more...]
What I Learned from Never Experiencing “Romantic” Love
When I was very young, I had the same dreams and expectations that many girls of my 1950s generation in my social class had: that I would start dating in high school, go to college and eventually meet “the love of my life,” fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t have what I always thought of as romantic love in my life, … [Read more...]
7 Things I Teach My Kids About Consent, Sexual Harassment, and Assault
During a crowded bus journey, my daughter's shrill four-year-old voice piped up clearly and succinctly above the hum of the ongoing conversation: "I want to have sex with [insert classmate here]." A silence, not unlike the one pervading the moment before the conductor raises his baton, fell in anticipation of my reply. And on behalf of all the sex-positive parents, I swallowed … [Read more...]
Notes from a Psychiatric Survivor: How Do We Heal When Systems Have (Re)Traumatized Us?
Editor's Note: This article represents the perspective of an individual who identifies as a psychiatric survivor and whose experiences with the mental health field have many times been traumatizing. It is not meant to dismiss the valuable aspects of psychiatry, psychopharmacology, or therapy, or to suggest that others don't benefit from these (often life-saving) resources. I … [Read more...]
“This Isn’t Working”: How I Learned to Find the Best Therapist for Me
Content note: This article contains references to incest, childhood sexual abuse, and suicidal ideation. Admitting you need therapy can be hard. Finding a therapist can be very tough. Finding a good culturally competent therapist can be downright daunting. I was first put into therapy when I was ten years old. My mother, who has borderline personality disorder, was able to … [Read more...]
Not Your “Geisha Doll”: Why We Need to Stop Skirting Around Racist Sexual Violence
Content note: This article discusses acts of sexual violence. The fact that sexual violence is often experienced alongside racism for many people of color is almost always glossed over in discussions about sexual assault and rape. When it's mentioned at all, it's mentioned quickly, and everyone nods their head in agreement. During these conversations, most white people … [Read more...]
4 Ways Non-Monogamy Helps Me Feel Safer and More Comfortable in Romantic Relationships
Writer’s Note: I want to acknowledge that while this is a piece about non-monogamy, it has grown out of my own experiences. As such, it won’t include all experiences of non-monogamy, such as sharing living spaces, having another committed partner in addition to a "primary" partner, or sharing partners. While those forms of non-monogamy are just as valid and have just as much … [Read more...]
Waiting Tables Ain’t Easy: Why Service Workers’ Treatment Is Unacceptable
“Hi, how’s it going?” “I want the soup. Wait, what is polenta?” “Well -- ” “Is that that corn based thing?” “So, it’s -- ” “No I don’t think I’d like that. Give me the soup.” This is the conversation I have been having for eight years. Eight years of people speaking at me as if I don’t exist except to service their needs. On days when it is particularly bad, I joke with … [Read more...]
