It was clear from when was a very young child - and my mother might argue earlier - that I was a deeply sensitive, emotionally intelligent being. My ma has told me about each of her children after childbirth: “With each of you, I looked at both of you and saw these big, soulful eyes that seemed so old and wise.” The natural-born tenderness was nurtured and tended … [Read more...]
Don’t Purge Your White Friends on Facebook: 8 Actions for Racially Aware White Folks Before Unfriending a Bigot
On my feed I was excited to see a post called the 7 Stages of White People Getting Woke. Great--someone outlining the emotions and actions white folks go through when we first open our eyes to the truth of systemic racism in this country. I was all on board for recognizing white privilege, researching the pervasiveness of racism, feeling the feelings, connecting to others, … [Read more...]
7 Things Not to Say To a Child Wrestling With Their Sexuality
It took me a long time to come out to myself as bi-sexual and queer. I came-out as queer as a young adult. I have yet to “come-out” to my family as queer. However, I have come-out to my family as a non-binary trans-femme, but they are in denial about my gender identity. They still presume me to be a straight cis person. Although they have met my partner, who is … [Read more...]
Transitioning While Nonbinary
Many people have asked the question, how can you transition if you’re not male or female? What are you transitioning to? The answer is different for every non-binary person. I know some people who have started hormones or had different surgeries. I know some people who started dressing differently. I know some people for whom the only transition they needed was to … [Read more...]
Yes, Even My FUPA Deserves Love
I have a confession: I HAVE A FUPA! You might be asking yourself, What on this earth is a FUPA? The Urban Dictionary defines a FUPA as a Fat Upper Pubic Area, but I fondly call mine Creation. I’ve had mine since before the term FUPA even came into existence — and, for a long time, I hated my Creation. I hated it because I always had a hard time buying clothes that would … [Read more...]
10 Tips for Radically Loving Your Body (Disabled or Otherwise)
Having written, spoken, and taught about loving my disabled body for most of my life, a common first question is always “How did you do it? How did you learn to love your body?” I’ll tell you a secret: I’m still working on it. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t even have most of them, and you shouldn’t trust anyone who says they do. However, here are ten things I’ve … [Read more...]
An Act of Knowing: Moving Towards a Black Femme Politic
When I was a child. What age, I can’t remember. But when I was a child tends to suffice for stories like this. When I was a child, I would play dress-up with my little sister. I’m the oldest of four. Theoretically, I should have been playing with my older, decidedly more butch cousin. Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on who you ask – I was always just a tad bit too … [Read more...]
Learning to Eat Despite Shame: Managing Masculinity at the Table
My work in the past has addressed how mainstream masculinity affects eating habits in men by making them eat so much they feel sick, or misuse protein powder and other supplements, or suppress their emotions and promote emotional eating habits. I have personally experienced various pressures from the push of mainstream masculinity in how to eat, and the effects continue to … [Read more...]
“I Still Don’t Know How to Let Someone Look at Me:” On Fatness, Relationships & Loving With the Lights On
The first time I know that I am fat and that is bad is when I am ten. That is the year I become a lifetime member of Weight Watchers. My mom says I asked to go on a diet. I don’t remember what precipitated this request, but I am sure she’s right. I weigh 135 pounds at the first weigh in. When I find that first weigh in card ten years and 150 pounds later, I cry. I was my … [Read more...]
Have a Strategy: 6 Steps to Ease Social Anxiety This Holiday Season
The holidays are full of joy and cheer. Unless they’re not. For people with anxiety and depression, the holidays can be pretty miserable, leaving them looking for some kind of relief. If you’re the type to suffer from the holiday blues, there are ways to get through the season without a great deal of suffering. Lower Expectations One of the main causes of … [Read more...]
7 Things History Class Should Have Taught Every US American About Indigenous History
The history of people indigenous to the North American continent is often glossed over in education. We are badgered with the legend of Native benevolence to the pilgrims who landed on the east coast on Thanksgiving. If Indigenous history is covered, students are likely to hear a tragic but vague narrative of massacre, disease, and death, a narrative devoid of the … [Read more...]
Talking Racism with a Racist Relative in 4 Easy…(um NO) IMPORTANT Steps
A great distance separates me from my family. Not just geographical, they live in Maine and I live in Georgia, but also the distance of identity. I am a leftist, agnostic who practices a vague form of religious expression that encompasses paganism and Catholicism. They are right wingers with a strong belief in Evangelical Christianity. Conversations at the Thanksgiving dinner … [Read more...]
The Future Is Indigenous: Decolonizing Thanksgiving
Copyright, Truthout.org. Reprinted with permission. Last year, a video meme circulated prior to Thanksgiving, featuring YouTube personality Franchesca Ramsey humorously breaking down the actual history of the holiday. A wet blanket to her family's Thanksgiving dinner, Ramsey repudiates one by one the many sanitized Thanksgiving myths promoted in elementary schools, including … [Read more...]
Why White North Americans Need to Understand Ourselves as “Settlers”
If you’re white, this land was not made for you and me. Like many white North Americans, I grew up with a vague idea of where my ancestors came from. In my case, they were scattered across Western Europe, and I was fascinated by what their lives must have been like. But I had no real connection to what it means, culturally, to be Irish or Scottish or British or German or … [Read more...]
