I get into arguments with people on the Internet a lot these days. It’s kind of one of the only ways to be a disability activist when there are a lot of days where you can’t leave your bed. The most recent argument I had was with a particular kind of ableist disabled person, which, oxymoronic as it sounds, is a thing that actually exists. In fact, I’ve encountered way too … [Read more...]
5 Things I Did After Turning Forty That Changed How I Saw My Aging Self
At thirty-eight I experienced a bit of a midlife crisis. Well, hardly midlife, but still a crisis nonetheless. Forty loomed on the horizon, and I felt a kind of aimless terror at that number. Some of it was kind of silly. What did a mature woman wear? Would I be forced by some secret fashion police to give up my band and anime t-shirts? Would I have to turn in my Chucks and … [Read more...]
Mixed-Race, Non-Binary, Queer Fat Femme: How I Fail and Succeed in Finding Liberation
I am a Black, mixed-race, fat, queer, non-binary person. Most saliently, I am femme. I have come to understand radical femmeness, femme magic, femme community, femme love, and femme power through my relationships with other womxn and femmes of color. While femme communities evoke safeness and security for me, they also often exist on the basis of trauma. Femininity leaves us … [Read more...]
Why I Started Intervening Early: Raising My Gay Son in a World of Toxic Masculinity
Things I have heard about having a son: “You’re lucky your son is gay. You won’t have to worry about him getting someone pregnant or treating women poorly." “It’s good you have a son because he can watch over your daughters.” “Boys are easier than girls. You don’t have to worry so much about them.” “It’s too hard a world for girls. It’s better to have sons. At least you … [Read more...]
El Amor Romantico Nos Mata: Quien Cuida De Nosotros Cuando Somos Solteros?
Soy una persona deprimida, pero deprimida es un verbo. Considero mi depresión como el resultado de una posición social y de la inevitable historia de colonización, racismo, del estigma de la gordura y de la discriminación. Estoy tomando antidepresivos, pero éstos solo pueden reprogramar la química de mi cerebro y no la realidad social y material en la que vivo. No puede … [Read more...]
10 Defensive Reactions to White Privilege That Make No Damn Sense – But Are Super Common
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism and is reprinted by permission. I know it probably makes me a weirdo to want to talk about white privilege so much, but I actually enjoy conversations on this topic – even with people who disagree with me. Sure, these conversations can get heated, uncomfortable, and downright aggravating. But they’re also necessary in order … [Read more...]
To Understand Puerto Rico’s Troubles, We Must Understand Colonialism
With all that has been impacting Puerto Rico in recent years, from defaulting on debt payments to Hurricane Maria to the mass protests against our now-former governor, it makes me wonder why more people aren't talking about the state of the Island. Many simply do not know, for instance, that Puerto Rico is on the brink of bankruptcy much like Detroit, Michigan was in 2014. I … [Read more...]
Rejecting the “Real Man” Myth: Why Men Should Embrace Their Femininity
Associating oneself with specific “masculine” or “feminine” traits is a big part of how most people define their gender identities. However, some of the biggest issues arise when it is deemed “inappropriate” for someone to exhibit traits of the “opposite” gender. Take, for example, men who exhibit a strong sense of emotional sensitivity. This trait is typically aligned with … [Read more...]
How to Dig a Ditch with a Spoon: Finding Productivity After Falling Apart
Content note: This article contains references to suicidal ideation and a suicide attempt. I have always lived one step away from suicide. Or more specifically, the way I manage my suicidal thoughts is through imagery. Suicide sits in a cage in my brain. The cage is locked. I have the key but I won’t use it because of my son. I made that decision after my first and only … [Read more...]
4 Signs You’re Culturally Appropriating Buddhism
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminsim.com under the title "4 Signs You're Culturally Appropriating Buddhism -- And Why It's Important Not To" and is republished with permission. Imagine this: You’re a practicing Christian. You believe in God and Jesus, and you go to church every Sunday. You pray before bed. You even help at church fundraisers. As you walk … [Read more...]
Feeling Traumatized and Gaslit By American Gun Violence? You’re Not Alone
Note: This article was originally published on June 18, 2018. We are republishing it as a statement reflecting how evergreen and important of a crisis mass shootings continue to be in the United States. On Saturday, March 24th I traveled from my home in Boston to Washington, D.C. for the March for Our Lives, doing my part to support my country’s youth in stopping the … [Read more...]
4 Formas de en las que los varones pueden asumir trabajo emocional en una relación (y por qué deberían)
Ya sean románticas, sexuales, platónicas o profesionales, las emociones siempre jugaran un rol fundamental en que tan exitosa o poco exitosa es cualquier relación. Las relaciones, por definición, requieren que dos o más partes aporten cierta cantidad de esfuerzo emocional para mantener la relación a flote. A menudo sucede que una sola persona afronta el choque emocional, … [Read more...]
7 Ways to Make Your Social Justice Space Accessible to Disabled People
Most social justice movements make a point to be inclusive of as many people as possible, especially marginalized communities. Those movements that don’t do so should. But one group that is often overlooked is disabled people, even though we exist inside every other affinity group. As someone who belongs to multiple “othered” communities (disabled, transgender, working-class, … [Read more...]
3 Reasons We Need to Be Critical of Compulsory Sex Positivity in Queer Spaces
Sex positivity often acts as an implicit — or sometimes explicit — foundation of leftist, feminist, and LGBTQ+ spaces for completely valid reasons. As women and queers, sex has been the driving force behind both our oppression and the spaces we create to separate, heal, and liberate us from our oppression. Sexualized spaces for socializing predate our modern understanding of … [Read more...]
