I was in love with my last partner. For three years, we were together and I proposed to him on his birthday. His calm personality played off of my nervous energy, his logic focused my passion, and his love of cooking balanced my love of eating. Moving out of the home we shared - the life we built together - was the singularly most heartbreaking thing I’ve done in my adult … [Read more...]
Finding Peace in Putting Myself First
Until a few years ago, radical self-love was a foreign concept to me. Growing up in a culture in which women are secondary to everything and everyone else, I thought that self-love was selfish. How could I love myself more than my partner or my children? I’m sure many women can relate to that question. We are taught, from the time we are little girls, that boys are first. I … [Read more...]
Perfection is Hazardous and Scars are Inevitable So I Might As Well Learn to Love Them
Even though I know no body is perfect — unblemished — it’s very difficult for me to come to terms with acquiring a new scar. The moment I start to feel the physical pain, I also begin berating myself for being careless — or wishing I could go back in time to not do the thing that will leave a permanent mark. In addition to being aesthetically unpalatable to me as a … [Read more...]
10 Tips For Visiting The Gynecologist As a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse
I am 25 years old and until 1 week ago, I had never been to the gynecologist. I had actively avoided going for 13 years, just the idea of making an appointment was enough to bring me to tears and panic. I overcame a lot last Thursday. I genuinely thought I wasn’t going to make it at some points. Despite that, I am here and I went to the gynecologist. I can barely believe … [Read more...]
Losing My Religion (Literally): On Atheism, Acceptance, and A Little Advice
The fact that my father never came to mass with the rest us didn’t bother me as a child. It registered in the same capacity as the fact that he worked night shifts or that Spanish was spoken in my house as often as English—distinctions between my home life and that of my peers, but nothing worth an existential crisis. I was seven or eight when I stood in our garage and asked … [Read more...]
Drop the Rules: There is No Wrong Way to Radically Love Yourself
Since you are reading this article, I am going to assume that you are a connoisseur of blog posts, online articles, and Buzzfeed-style lists. As such, you have most likely come across pieces with titles like ‘The Definitive Guide to Improving Your Sense of Self-Worth’, or ‘Loving Yourself in 21 Easy Steps’, which all inevitably say that, in order to love yourself … [Read more...]
Now Is the Time to Love On Your People: 5 Reasons We Need INTERdependence
The myth of independence is one of the foundational and corrosive myths of American life. On July 4th, 1776, when the US declared “independence” from its colonizer, it did so on the backs of the Indigenous people whose lands they’d stolen and the African people whose enslavement and labor would build the US into the ‘prosperous’ ‘superpower’ that forms the cornerstone of the … [Read more...]
4 Ways Your Outrage is Changing the World
Dear Tired, Beloved Justice-Seeker, Never let anyone tell you that your voice doesn’t matter. It does. It always has. Here’s what I know about the tone police, the calls to end political correctness, the insistence that “all” and “blue” lives matter, and the refusal to acknowledge white privilege and supremacy: this backlash is a signal that all the ways in which we … [Read more...]
Because Sometimes “Doing the Work” Takes Work: Reclaiming My Self Care Beyond Baths & Wine
In my last year of college, I wanted to be the perfect student activist. I spent an inordinate amount of time building my laundry list of accomplishments: a part-time job, perfect grades, hard classes, big fundraisers, impressive campus events, and a résumé to neatly tie it all together in a template that took me two hours to choose. Because I was so busy, I made sure I was … [Read more...]
“We Should All Want to be Hufflepuffs”: Kindness Is a Revolutionary Act
I remember one time when I was in high school, sitting with my friends and engaging in a frighteningly important discussion; namely, in which Hogwarts house we all felt everybody else belonged. For those of you unfamiliar with the Harry Potter fandom, students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry get sorted into one of four houses based on the sort of person they … [Read more...]
Making My Way Back: Recovering Pieces of Myself After Sexual Assault and Divorce
I met Gregory for the first time on October 4, 2003. Our first date—arranged via Match.com as an early-afternoon coffee at a downtown cafe—ended 9½ hours later, when waitstaff at the nearby Thai restaurant we had relocated to, The Happy Smile, finally shooed us out the door. Although he and I did not get married until the following December, we decided to use Oct 4, 2003 as … [Read more...]
Let’s F#ck It Up: 3 Things They Don’t Want You To Know About Taking A Revolutionary Selfie
“This is an experiment in not being afraid of seeing myself. Of not being afraid of seeing my body. And, more importantly for me, not being afraid of other people seeing these things. So, enjoy the photos. I'm not sure all of them will be flattering, but I hope to have more than 314 pictures by the end of this year.” These are the words that opened my first self-love photo … [Read more...]
Breaking Barriers: 5 Black Girls Unapologetically Living Black Girl Magic
The idea of black girl magic has been in the ether (and Twittershpere) for a while now, and while it is not without controversy, I choose to recognize its good intentions. Black girl magic is a rallying cry. It is a spotlight on what often gets marginalized. It is a reminder of the wealth of beauty and ability that black women possess but often don’t get credit for. It is a way … [Read more...]
Maintaining Your Safe Space
The Body Is Not an Apology’s goal is to share the myriad ways human bodies unshackle the box of “beauty” and fling it wide open for all of us to access. Our goal is to redefine the unapologetic, radically amazing magnificence of EVERY BODY on this planet. When we do, we change the world! Join the movement and become a subscriber today! bit.ly/NoBodiesInvisible. Like many … [Read more...]
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