I didn't have the perfect experience coming out as transgender and non-binary. Many friends and acquaintances weren't able to change their perception of me and didn't understand the new terms I was using to describe myself. As I meet new people and make new friends, I still struggle daily with coming out. But I was lucky that there were a lot of things my loved ones did right … [Read more...]
Finding Peace in Putting Myself First
Until a few years ago, radical self-love was a foreign concept to me. Growing up in a culture in which women are secondary to everything and everyone else, I thought that self-love was selfish. How could I love myself more than my partner or my children? I’m sure many women can relate to that question. We are taught, from the time we are little girls, that boys are first. I … [Read more...]
Perfection is Hazardous and Scars are Inevitable So I Might As Well Learn to Love Them
Even though I know no body is perfect — unblemished — it’s very difficult for me to come to terms with acquiring a new scar. The moment I start to feel the physical pain, I also begin berating myself for being careless — or wishing I could go back in time to not do the thing that will leave a permanent mark. In addition to being aesthetically unpalatable to me as a … [Read more...]
10 Tips For Visiting The Gynecologist As a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse
I am 25 years old and until 1 week ago, I had never been to the gynecologist. I had actively avoided going for 13 years, just the idea of making an appointment was enough to bring me to tears and panic. I overcame a lot last Thursday. I genuinely thought I wasn’t going to make it at some points. Despite that, I am here and I went to the gynecologist. I can barely believe … [Read more...]
Losing My Religion (Literally): On Atheism, Acceptance, and A Little Advice
The fact that my father never came to mass with the rest us didn’t bother me as a child. It registered in the same capacity as the fact that he worked night shifts or that Spanish was spoken in my house as often as English—distinctions between my home life and that of my peers, but nothing worth an existential crisis. I was seven or eight when I stood in our garage and asked … [Read more...]
Drop the Rules: There is No Wrong Way to Radically Love Yourself
Since you are reading this article, I am going to assume that you are a connoisseur of blog posts, online articles, and Buzzfeed-style lists. As such, you have most likely come across pieces with titles like ‘The Definitive Guide to Improving Your Sense of Self-Worth’, or ‘Loving Yourself in 21 Easy Steps’, which all inevitably say that, in order to love yourself … [Read more...]
Now Is the Time to Love On Your People: 5 Reasons We Need INTERdependence
The myth of independence is one of the foundational and corrosive myths of American life. On July 4th, 1776, when the US declared “independence” from its colonizer, it did so on the backs of the Indigenous people whose lands they’d stolen and the African people whose enslavement and labor would build the US into the ‘prosperous’ ‘superpower’ that forms the cornerstone of the … [Read more...]
4 Ways Your Outrage is Changing the World
Dear Tired, Beloved Justice-Seeker, Never let anyone tell you that your voice doesn’t matter. It does. It always has. Here’s what I know about the tone police, the calls to end political correctness, the insistence that “all” and “blue” lives matter, and the refusal to acknowledge white privilege and supremacy: this backlash is a signal that all the ways in which we … [Read more...]
Because Sometimes “Doing the Work” Takes Work: Reclaiming My Self Care Beyond Baths & Wine
In my last year of college, I wanted to be the perfect student activist. I spent an inordinate amount of time building my laundry list of accomplishments: a part-time job, perfect grades, hard classes, big fundraisers, impressive campus events, and a résumé to neatly tie it all together in a template that took me two hours to choose. Because I was so busy, I made sure I was … [Read more...]
5 Ways to Find Radical Self Love & Joy When Your Body Says Otherwise
Though I have been disabled my entire life and have always written about the disabled experience, mine has been an experience with fairly little pain. Muscle spasms are common for me and vary in severity but they have always seemed to me nothing more than uncomfortable and inconvenient. Sure, they hurt some times and occasionally with great intensity but they are mostly short … [Read more...]
“We Should All Want to be Hufflepuffs”: Kindness Is a Revolutionary Act
I remember one time when I was in high school, sitting with my friends and engaging in a frighteningly important discussion; namely, in which Hogwarts house we all felt everybody else belonged. For those of you unfamiliar with the Harry Potter fandom, students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry get sorted into one of four houses based on the sort of person they … [Read more...]
Practicing Radical Self-Love: Why You Need Self Care The Most When It Seems Impossible
Last week, for the first time in my entire life, my skin erupted with red, swollen hives. Every inch of my skin felt like it was on fire. At first, I thought I was experiencing an extreme allergic reaction to something new — although I’ve never before been this allergic to anything — but then I learned that I was experiencing an anxiety attack. For the first time in my … [Read more...]
How Comparison Impacts Our Radical Self Love
At a recent literary event, a student in my program was singled out by one of our professors and, with high praise, invited up to the podium to read her work. He happens to be a very prominent and much-lauded writer himself and was, in fact, the person everyone had come to hear. My fellow student, let’s call her Rose, is also an accomplished writer who recently received a … [Read more...]
Making My Way Back: Recovering Pieces of Myself After Sexual Assault and Divorce
I met Gregory for the first time on October 4, 2003. Our first date—arranged via Match.com as an early-afternoon coffee at a downtown cafe—ended 9½ hours later, when waitstaff at the nearby Thai restaurant we had relocated to, The Happy Smile, finally shooed us out the door. Although he and I did not get married until the following December, we decided to use Oct 4, 2003 as … [Read more...]
