Hi! My name is Grace, and I am a graydemi ace. I'm what I've previously called an "IAMsexual" who has a lot of sex, just not likely the kind you're imagining. Re-imagining sex as acts that de-center the mainstream idea of sex feels important to understanding how I navigate my relational world. Let me provide you with a scene of what my "IAMsexual" world of sex looks like. We … [Read more...]
5 Ways To Discuss Your HIV Status Without Stigmatizing HIV-Positive People
In queer communities especially, so much effort is made to get tested regularly and know our HIV status. These are important and necessary campaigns so that those who engage in sexual practices can make informed decisions and negotiate potential risks accordingly. There have been great efforts made to normalize STI testing, and I see the effects when my friends post about it on … [Read more...]
10 Excuses People Give To Avoid Using Condoms — And Why That’s Unacceptable
Condoms are imperfect. This is perfectly okay to admit. What is not okay is ignoring the potential consequences of not using them. For most people, condoms are the most effective readily available method of STI and pregnancy prevention. Whether by malice, selfishness, or ignorance, many prefer to not use them, even when they should. They also discourage their partners from … [Read more...]
3 Steps Toward Good Sex Beyond the Binary: Having Sex With a Non-Binary Person, Even When That Person Is You
Gender is a spectrum, which means that between and outside of the constructs of male and female, there exists an entire range of gender identities. We often speak of “transgender” and “cisgender” identities: “cisgender” indicating that one’s gender matches the gender they were assigned at birth, and “transgender” indicating that one’s gender does not. However, we still often … [Read more...]
Why I’m Over the Pressure To “Find Love” as an Asexual Person
I wish it were more acceptable in this world for people to live life without romantic love — without having it, without wanting it, and without waiting around for it. What tires me most about our cultural view of romantic love is the idea that, even if we don’t have it or want it now, romantic love will ultimately make its way into our lives, and it’s going to change … [Read more...]
Struggling With Sexual Dysfunction in Your Marriage? You’re Not Alone
For some of us, there is no amount of self-love or body-positive work that will inspire passion and sexual chemistry in our partners. For many of us, our partners simply don’t find touching our bodies desirable and aren’t capable of manufacturing that sensation. It’s not about us, though it unquestionably has a huge impact on us. Dressing provocatively, engaging in … [Read more...]
Reclaiming My Eroticism After Sexual Assault
Content note: This article discusses sexual violence at length. After my rape, I thought of my body as a series of open wounds and wounded openings sutured together. I had to learn how to rewrite the poems, the stories, the words I wrapped around my flesh. After certain types of trauma, sometimes the only way we can see our bodies is as spaces for harm, spaces for … [Read more...]
Los 4 modos in los que la no-monogamia me ha ayudado ha sentirme mas segura y comoda en las relaciones romanticas
No ser monógama me ha resuelto mis necesidad de sentirme más segura y cómoda en las relaciones románticas. Esto sorprende a mucha gente, cuando lo comparto, sobre todo, porque desde mi experiencia, mucha gente con la que he hablado la considera que ese comportamiento es una fuente de ansiedad, inseguridad, poca comunicación y falta de compromiso. Es una opinión común pensar … [Read more...]
4 Ways Non-Monogamy Helps Me Feel Safer and More Comfortable in Romantic Relationships
Writer’s Note: I want to acknowledge that while this is a piece about non-monogamy, it has grown out of my own experiences. As such, it won’t include all experiences of non-monogamy, such as sharing living spaces, having another committed partner in addition to a "primary" partner, or sharing partners. While those forms of non-monogamy are just as valid and have just as much … [Read more...]
Hot Sex After 50: 3 Myths and 3 Truths
As a longtime sex coach in my mid-50s, I find myself in a constant state of speaking truth to power when it comes to sex and aging. How is hot sex after 50 different from hot sex after 40? Or 20? How is it different from hot sex in the aftermath of divorce? Or during the hottest love affair of our lives? The point is: hot sex matters. It generates and releases energy. It … [Read more...]
7 Maneras de Hablar Acerca de Las Enfermedades de Transmisión sexual (sin ser un capullo)
Translated by Ana M. M. Cada vez que el tema de las enfermedades de transmisión sexual (STIs) sale a la luz, en secreto me emociono y me entra el pánico al mismo tiempo. Me emociono porque como persona con herpes, y específicamente como escritora con herpes, paso mucho tiempo considerando la complejidad de lo que significa vivir en un cuerpo compartido con un virus, … [Read more...]
3 Reasons We Need To Be Critical of Compulsory Sex Positivity in Queer Spaces
Sex positivity often acts as an implicit — or sometimes explicit — foundation of leftist, feminist, and LGBTQ+ spaces for completely valid reasons. As women and queers, sex has been the driving force behind both our oppression and the spaces we create to separate, heal, and liberate us from our oppression. Sexualized spaces for socializing predate our modern understanding of … [Read more...]
How I Realized I’m Demisexual in a Sexual World
I’m demisexual. What does that mean? While asexual means that someone doesn’t feel sexual attraction at all, being demisexual means that I do not feel sexual attraction to a person unless there is a strong emotional connection. The inevitable response to this statement is generally, “But I don't think that anyone has sex unless they’re emotionally connected to the other … [Read more...]
Why I Refuse To Believe Being Femme Invalidates My Queerness
My femme identity is rooted in conjuring up as much softness and pleasure as I can. This world can be incredibly hard and harmful, especially for marginalized folx. Femme-embodiment is my magic of choice to help me navigate through it all. As magic as it is, my gender expression also prompts people to approach me with the “… but you look straight” comment upon "discovering" … [Read more...]
