Social convention would have us all believe that the only love or intimacy of substance is the lifelong, at first sight, years of commitment kind. And, if we can’t find that or if the love we do find doesn’t last, then we’ve somehow failed. But! That’s not true.
Not all people are in search for a long term relationship or commitment, or even marriage. And a relationship’s “success” isn’t based so much on when it ends as it is on all that happened throughout it; what everyone learned about themselves, the fun they had, the hurt and healing that took place. The only people that can determine the significance of a relationship are the people in it.
If you’re still on the fence about temporary flings, here are some things to keep in mind:
1. Relationships Don’t Need To Be About “Love”
There are no real rules or expectations surrounding summer flings. They are necessarily open in that way. You don’t have to worry about not falling in love. There’s nothing wrong with not being in love with someone you’re intimate with.
The idealism around love — what true love is, how and when you’re supposed to feel it — can be limiting to the potential a relationship has to be about so many other things. Summer flings can be about indulgence, about honoring your physical needs.
Set up your own rules. Do you want sex with no strings attached, do you want to be monogamous, do you not want to have sex at all? These relationships don’t need to be about sex, either. This can be about finding someone to binge-watch a new series with or someone to have over for dinner every night so you can try out new recipes with.
Be shameless. Ask for what you want.
2. Summer Flings Can Be About Love
All of that being said, though, your Summer fling can be about love. There is no one way to love. There’s no one way to be in love. There’s this common misconception that love has to be forever. Simply put, it doesn’t. Not everyone believes in having one soulmate. The same way one person can hope to find one love that never ends, someone else might want several loves in their lifetime. Just because this love is shaped differently doesn’t mean it isn’t love.
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3. You Get An Adventure Partner
Not that you can’t go on adventures with a long-term partner, but there’s something particularly exciting about discovering new things with a new person. And, because you both know that this trist isn’t meant to last long, you’re more apt to make the most out of every day you spend together. So, you kind of have an automatic date to go with you on trips to the museum, picnics in the park, outdoor concerts — things you don’t necessarily have access to throughout the year, especially during colder seasons.
4. There’s No Pressure
With a summer fling, there’s no need to define the relationship beyond how long you want it to last, and there’s no need to pre-assess its future, where it’s headed. Because there are fewer expectations with this kind of pairing, there’s more room for the unexpected. You don’t have to be afraid that things will get messy, or that this won’t be “perfect.” Try things you might be too scared to try with a long-term partner.
And, speaking of partners, temporary relationships are a great place to try being with someone you might not otherwise. If you think you want to marry someone who thinks and acts more judiciously than most, so maybe date someone now who’s more artistic and spontaneous. If it doesn’t work or if you don’t like it, now you know this is not the kind of person you’d want to be in a long-term relationship with (if that’s something you want to do in the first place). But, because flings are so short-lived, you have the space and freedom to break free from your typical type or standard.
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Summer flings are just as real as any other relationship. You still learn a lot about yourself, your dating style, what you might want out of any future relationships. What’s exciting about Summer flings is that your relationship can be redefined when the summer ends. An Autumn Amour? You decide.
[Feature Image: A photograph with a light blue background wall. A person with long hair, white sunglasses, a grey and white shirt, is smiling into the camera with three fingers up. Source: pixabay.com]\