This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. "It’s that bone gnawed moment when you realize ‘The Community’ will do nothing to stop him from showing up at your backdoor in the middle of the night with the rifle he bought for the revolution” —Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, “so what the fuck does consciousness mean anyway” There … [Read more...]
Living Inside the Contradictions: My Father’s Love and My Father’s Abuse
I've been thinking a lot lately about the polarized extremes that show up in our public discourse. It's nearly impossible to find a comment thread on the Internet in which people do not feel compelled to take only one position on an issue and to reject any contradiction, any paradox, any additional truths that might illuminate the issue in a more complex way. Perhaps we humans … [Read more...]
Bisexual and Black: Navigating Heteronormativity and Religious Homophobia in the Dating World
Editor's Note: This article was originally published on Postmodern Woman under the title "Learning to Love Without Filter: The Many Contortions in the World of Bisexuality" and is republished with permission. “I want you to myself,” she whispered to me as her soft fingers curled through the baby hair growing on my neck. She twirled a few strands around her fingers and tugged, … [Read more...]
Abusing the Uncle in the Backroom: Disability in the Black Community
In my family of origin, there was no uncle and there wasn’t a backroom. However, as my grandfather aged and moved from being able bodied to disabled, he became that uncle and the backroom became a very real and horrible place. Being a caretaker to a family member who is aging or disabled can be a difficult task in the healthiest of families, but it can be done well. When the … [Read more...]
5 Ways West Indian Women Reinforce Patriarchy
This article was originally published on West Indian Critic and is republished with permission. One of the aspects of weaving intersectional feminism into your life as a Caribbean woman involves a lengthy process of unlearning the damaging ideas and beliefs thrust upon you by Caribbean society. Even if I once had a West Indian teacher wrongfully assert that the Caribbean is … [Read more...]
How I Learned My Abusive Father Is Not a Monster — Just a Rather Sad and Complicated Person
I've always been comically atrocious at mini-golf, and at other sports that require finesse in hand-eye coordination and the action of aiming a ball into a hole, hoop, or goal. Captain J's Mini-Golf Course is a particularly malicious 18-hole booby trap perched on the tip of Lake Superior, and is where I have some of the best memories of my father. Us laughing as I sink my fifth … [Read more...]
When White People are Silent in the Situations of Injustice, They Have Chosen the Side of the Oppressor
Right now there's a narrative sweeping the activist psyche: white people as a segment of society are oppressive and if we are not directly abusive or oppressive ourselves, our ignorance and silence means we are enablers of abuse and oppression. As a white woman and a mother, I along with many others, have resisted such a narrative. Not only because to be defined as abusive … [Read more...]
Gaslighting on the Job?: 7 Ways to Know if Your Workplace is Abusive
As I have entered my thirties, I’ve become aware of a pattern in my life: finding myself in toxic situations, strategizing to break free from them, and following my heart to move forward like the resilient goddess I am. As a working-class high schooler, I escaped a dead-end rural town I hated, moving thousands of miles away to attend a top-tier college (with, … [Read more...]
When Home Is No Longer Home: 6 Truths Toward Radical Self Love After Intimate Partner Violence
April was Sexual Assault Awareness Month. While instances of sexual assault can be random, a striking percentage is perpetrated by partners. Recovery from any form of assault can be a painstaking process, but we need to talk about the process of self love after you’ve become intimate and vulnerable with someone, and they return your love with violence. Intimate Partner … [Read more...]
6 Warning Signs That Your Friendship is Abusive
Toxic dynamics are not reserved for romantic or sexual partnerships. Any relationship that you have with another person can be healthy: a source of positivity and mutual empowerment. Any relationship can also then be unhealthy: emotionally abusive. It can sometimes be harder to recognize emotional abuse when it comes from friends rather than family or partners. It’s talked … [Read more...]
When My Relationship With Facebook Became Abusive
My trust in Facebook has been broken, and I am determined not to rebuild it because our relationship has become abusive. Therapists say it’s possible to build trust even after betrayal. But such generalizations must have outliers. Surely it is not possible for some people or relationships to rebuild trust. Because to do so is to ignore the very survival mechanisms … [Read more...]
7 Tactics of Emotional Abuse Used By Trump Supporters Post-Election
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. The US Presidential election results have left many people shocked, depressed, and afraid. The victor, Donald Trump, spent his campaign threatening entire populations within American society – Mexicans, Muslims, LGBTQIA+ folks, and women – and with his win, many are shell-shocked … [Read more...]
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