As soon as someone is diagnosed with any form of dementia, such as Alzheimer’s Disease, Lewy Body Dementia, or Vascular Dementia, they lose friends and family. Even people who were once close to them may stop coming over to visit. People with dementia often end up becoming more and more isolated because their family and friends don't know how to communicate with them. Family … [Read more...]
6 Things Not To Say to a Wheelchair User
Using a wheelchair in public requires you to develop a strong system of defense mechanisms, as it tends to lead strangers to assume they have access to your body. Sometimes these intrusions are physical, like when someone pushes your chair without permission, grabs items out of your hands to “help you carry them,” or climbs over you to open a door for you even if you could have … [Read more...]
Self Love Isn’t Easy: 10 Difficult Things I Do To Practice Radical Self Love
Self-love is crucial for surviving and thriving in an oppressive society hellbent on making us feel like we’re wrong or not enough. But precisely because of this society, cultivating self-love can be difficult. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety, I know how much energy it can take just to get through the day. When you’re stuck treading water, self-love can … [Read more...]
What I Learned From Never Experiencing “Romantic” Love
When I was very young, I had the same dreams and expectations that many girls of my 1950s generation in my social class had: that I would start dating in high school, go to college and eventually meet “the love of my life,” fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t have what I always thought of as romantic love in my life, … [Read more...]
Hot Sex After 50: 3 Myths and 3 Truths
As a longtime sex coach in my mid-50s, I find myself in a constant state of speaking truth to power when it comes to sex and aging. How is hot sex after 50 different from hot sex after 40? Or 20? How is it different from hot sex in the aftermath of divorce? Or during the hottest love affair of our lives? The point is: hot sex matters. It generates and releases energy. It … [Read more...]
Not Everyone’s “Born This Way”: How I Grew Into My Middle-Aged Trans Identity
Two years ago, I came out as queer, kinky, polyamorous, and transgender, all in the space of a few months. I’m not young; I'm approaching the age bracket known as “middle age.” In fact, I worried initially that my coming out explosion was some sort of midlife crisis brought on by reading too many queer comics and following too many trans Twitter accounts. Part of me shies away … [Read more...]
“I Can’t Believe She Wore That!”: What Shaming Others Reveals About Our Own Body Shame
One day at the grocery store, I saw three young people walking through the parking lot. One of the girls wore short shorts. Very short shorts. And Ugg boots. I commented -- a lot. My children were with me. I didn’t think at the time about what they processed as I ranted about how short the shorts were. How ridiculous she looked wearing Uggs in July. My own words came back to me … [Read more...]
5 Things I Did After Turning 40 That Changed How I Saw My Aging Self
At thirty-eight I experienced a bit of a midlife crisis. Well, hardly midlife, but still a crisis nonetheless. Forty loomed on the horizon, and I felt a kind of aimless terror at that number. Some of it was kind of silly. What did a mature woman wear? Would I be forced by some secret fashion police to give up my band and anime t-shirts? Would I have to turn in my Chucks and … [Read more...]
When Healthy Isn’t an Option: How I Learned To Love My Chronically Ill Body
This article first appeared on Ravishly and is reprinted by permission. Once upon a time, I counted calories, carbs, and fat. I weighed myself every day, and I exercised for hours at the gym. I viewed my body as the enemy, and I beat it into submission through sheer force of will. I lost 100 pounds, and I kept most of it off. But I am not healthy, and I never will be. I'm … [Read more...]
4 Irresponsible Ways Society Treats Aging and What To Do About It
It’s a lot easier to get old today than it has ever been before. A lot more of us are successful at it than ever before. I use the word "successful" quite purposely: as a member of the baby boomer generation, I am very aware of how the idea of aging has changed in society, and how we seniors are treated. (Sorry, but I have to interrupt myself right here to admit I hate that … [Read more...]
Becoming a Woman On My Own Terms
I am not sure when my ideas about womanhood wrote themselves on my being. Likely it began when I was young, born in the sermons of the Pentecostal church my family attended: “Make up is not a sin,” one pastor told us, “But you want to paint the barn not decorate it.” In those moments, I learned that women were not only objects to these men but objects meant to look pretty but … [Read more...]
Abusing the Uncle in the Backroom: Disability in the Black Community
In my family of origin, there was no uncle and there wasn’t a backroom. However, as my grandfather aged and moved from being able bodied to disabled, he became that uncle and the backroom became a very real and horrible place. Being a caretaker to a family member who is aging or disabled can be a difficult task in the healthiest of families, but it can be done well. When the … [Read more...]
How the Trump Administration Is Hurting Older Folks
Despite what you might read in Trump’s daily tweets, many Americans are experiencing hardship under this current administration. This administration is hellbent on rolling back, changing or eliminating programs and legislation that directly impacts people of color, women, LGBTQ individuals, people with disabilities and older Americans in negative and damaging ways. Every time … [Read more...]
4 Lessons Aging Has Taught Me About Starting Over and Better Navigating Our World
The Body Is Not an Apology’s goal is to share the myriad ways human bodies unshackle the box of “beauty” and fling it wide open for all of us to access. Our goal is to redefine the unapologetic, radically amazing magnificence of EVERY BODY on this planet. When we do, we change the world! Join the movement and become a subscriber … [Read more...]
