Women are angry, and rightfully so. I only have to write the words “Brett Kavanaugh” — a series of events so deeply disturbing in their unmasking of elite frat boy rape culture that I stopped my compulsive news watching for three weeks after — to convey how deeply US women are under attack by the Trump regime. As white women in particular are justifiably encouraging each other … [Read more...]
How Stigmatizing Male Emotional Vulnerability Has Created a Crisis for Us All
This article first appeared on AlterNet under the title "Toxic Masculinity is Killing Men: The Roots of Men and Trauma" and is reprinted by permission. “The three most destructive words that every man receives when he’s a boy is when he’s told to 'be a man.'” — Joe Ehrmann, coach and former NFL player If we are honest with ourselves, we have long known that … [Read more...]
6 Reasons Being Angry Doesn’t Mean You’re Hateful: It Means You Value Your Boundaries
I’ve learned a lot of things about anger in my life. Growing up, I learned to be there for other people when they were angry, helping soothe their unruly emotions, or at least bearing witness to them, packing away my own emotions until they felt like a choking, gnawing grief I couldn’t shake. (There wasn’t enough room for my grief, for my anxiety at being parentified… I … [Read more...]
A Lot To Be Mad About: Unapologetic Black Anger Can Change the World for the Better
This article first appeared on AlterNet and is reprinted by permission. In it's republishing we hope to empower and discuss many valid emotions in the aftermath regarding the latest news on the "mistrial" of the police murder of Walter Scott. While Scott's specific case is not discussed, the anger, upset and processing is a place we find ourselves. At the Socialism 2015 … [Read more...]
How Rage Is Radical
There’s so much in this world to be enraged about. Everyday there’s another video, another story, another harmful policy, another tweet, another lived experience, another injustice ... What are we supposed to do with all of it? Where are we supposed to put it? How do we breathe with all of it in our chest? This constant state of rage can leave folk feeling powerless, … [Read more...]
What Is Emotional Incest?: Surviving Emotional Abuse in Childhood
Content Warning: This article uses the term emotional incest and discusses childhood emotional abuse and harmful parental relationships. The first time my therapist mentioned the term emotional incest, I was taken aback. The term alone elicits a gut-level reaction. She wrote down the book information for me to look up when I was ready. I wasn’t ready for quite some … [Read more...]
How I Lost My Religion — And Temporarily My Empathy as a Judgmental Atheist
The fact that my father never came to mass with the rest of us didn’t bother me as a child. It registered in the same capacity as the fact that he worked night shifts or that Spanish was spoken in my house as often as English — distinctions between my home life and that of my peers, but nothing worth an existential crisis. I was seven or eight when I stood in our garage and … [Read more...]
When Spiritual Bypassing Meets Racism Meets Gaslighting
The original post appeared on Wake Up, Mama! and is reprinted by permission. I want to talk about something I witnessed last week in the online world. First, a little background. A couple of years ago, I became increasingly aware of a pervasive phenomenon in the (overwhelmingly white) women’s spirituality/ personal growth circles I move in. I noticed persistent … [Read more...]
How Honoring “Negative” Emotions Can Help Us Heal
A few years ago I was uncomfortably sitting in my in-law’s living room with my husband. My discomfort was rooted in being a spectator to a heated argument my mother-in-law and father-in-law were having. Their emotions were boiling hot. Their voices were loud. I wasn’t sure whether I should look away, sneak out of the room, or leave the house. I looked over at my husband, and he … [Read more...]

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