“Mama, a little girl said Jude has an ugly face,” my six-year-old told me tearfully. Tears stung my own eyes as I lead us through the lobby to the van. Looking down at my youngest daughter, Jude, who has Down syndrome, I felt my chest contract. You know these things are coming, but still, when they arrive? It feels like it’s with the force of a trailer truck. And I knew that … [Read more...]
Mixed-Race, Non-Binary, Queer Fat Femme: How I Fail and Succeed in Finding Liberation
I am a Black, mixed-race, fat, queer, non-binary person. Most saliently, I am femme. I have come to understand radical femmeness, femme magic, femme community, femme love, and femme power through my relationships with other womxn and femmes of color. While femme communities evoke safeness and security for me, they also often exist on the basis of trauma. Femininity leaves us … [Read more...]
How Gentrification Shrank My Self-Confidence
Gentrification happened to me in steps. At first I was confused. Were the non-POC in this predominantly Black/Brown neighborhood lost? Did they miss their stop on this Queens-bound train? Are they simply taking a tour of the best Caribbean spots in Brooklyn? When I let it sink in that they were here to stay, noticeable transplants to a previously self-contained community, I … [Read more...]
Why I Don’t Wear Makeup
At an early age, I learned to associate cosmetics with performance — pretending, dancing, or acting. As an aspiring ballerina at Miss Janet’s Dance Studio, I wore makeup for the annual recital. My mother, who never wore makeup, would spread shadow on my eyelids and apply lipstick to my lips and cheeks. I saw cosmetics as being another part of my costume. The makeup was for my … [Read more...]
Asian Eyes: Westernized Beauty Standards and Asian Identity
When I set forth to write something on Westernized beauty standards and Asian identity, my ideas kept circling back to the one topic I was the most hesitant to write about. For myriads of reasons, that topic is a complex issue. It has defined my life in deep-rooted ways. It has a multifaceted history in the world, as well as in my own life. It has always been my greatest source … [Read more...]
4 Lessons My Aging Body Has Taught Me About Radical Self-Love
One of my 92-year-old mother’s favorite sayings is something along the lines of, “Aging is no walk in the park.” In fact, it’s probably the watchword of all the residents in her independent living complex, where if you’re under 80 years old, you’re considered a real youngster. Compared to these folks, I’m still practically a teenager. Unfortunately, my own aging body hasn’t … [Read more...]
From Brandy and Ballet to Black Studies: How I Arrived at Black Feminism
As a child, Brandy Rayana Norwood — simply known as “Brandy” to most people — was my favorite entertainer. I saw bits of myself in her, and in her headstrong, smart, but sometimes overzealous TV character counterpart, Moesha Mitchell. Brandy was everything a young girl is raised to want to be: beautiful, an actress, a singer, and a model. She was even Cinderella, for crying … [Read more...]
Yes, That’s Hair & Yes, I’m Ok: Loving ALL of Your Hair While Being Black and Femme
For black people hair is a really big deal, especially for black femmes. From an early age having beautiful hair or ‘good hair’ has always been illustrated as having straightened or permed strands. Socially, I was very much made aware that as a black child my braids, twists and puffs were inferior to a white girl’s long straight strands. At that age I had a strong desire to be … [Read more...]
