Content Note: This article references a parent's use of Weight Watchers for their child. I didn’t always hate and hide my body. I was athletic as a child. I swam competitively and played outside until the last drop of daylight. I trusted my body and knew it well. That changed when puberty hit in the fourth grade. I started to look more like a woman than a little kid, and a … [Read more...]
“Look at My Butt!”: How I Reclaimed My Right To Wear Whatever the Heck I Want
My life has been plagued by people telling me what I can and cannot wear. They tell me not only what is supposed to look good on my short, pear-shaped body, but more distressingly, what I have to wear to be “acceptable.” I've been living a life of “good girls don’t wear that” as a youth, to “successful women don’t wear that” in college, to “female ministers don’t wear that” … [Read more...]
“I Can’t Believe She Wore That!”: What Shaming Others Reveals About Our Own Body Shame
One day at the grocery store, I saw three young people walking through the parking lot. One of the girls wore short shorts. Very short shorts. And Ugg boots. I commented -- a lot. My children were with me. I didn’t think at the time about what they processed as I ranted about how short the shorts were. How ridiculous she looked wearing Uggs in July. My own words came back to me … [Read more...]
Are My Stretch Marks Worthy?: My Journey to Radical Self-Love
I was 11 when I learnt all about stretch marks. That they mean you are fat, and these marks will be there for everyone to know you are a fat person. My mum was looking at the marks on my arms, quite worried about some sort of strange rash I might have. At school I showed my "strange" marks to a friend. She calmly told me that they're just stretch marks, something you get if … [Read more...]
8 Ways Men Can Get More Honest About Body Shame
No matter what gender or size you are, everyone has the potential to feel the effects of body shame. Although men, especially cis men, are typically less likely to admit that they feel ashamed of their bodies, that doesn’t mean such feelings don’t occur. It may not be displayed in very explicit ways, such as in the form of mental illness or eating disorders, but there is no … [Read more...]
Finding New Ways To Talk About My “Bad” Skin
I have "bad" skin. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but I still have holes, pits, scars, blackheads, pimples. It’s hard for me to even write those words, and for reasons I can’t fully understand I feel shame – or maybe embarrassment is a better word. As a fat activist for over two decades you would think that I could talk about my skin with the ease I talk about my fat. … [Read more...]
Rejecting Perfectionism and Learning To Love My Scars
Even though I know no body is perfect — unblemished — it’s very difficult for me to come to terms with acquiring a new scar. The moment I start to feel the physical pain, I also begin berating myself for being careless — or wishing I could go back in time to not do the thing that will leave a permanent mark. In addition to being aesthetically unpalatable to me as a recovering … [Read more...]
Please Don’t Sexualize My Daughter: Balancing “Good” Parenting With My Child’s Freedom
When my daughter, P, started to attended a small “unschool”, she discovered not only a joyous education but also the joy of colored hair. Unschoolers believe that children learn better when they pick what they learn and how to learn said subjects. It wasn’t surprising, then, to find kids who also chose how they wished to present themselves to the world. The girls at the school … [Read more...]
Building My Radical Self-Love as the Trans Girl at Naked Drawing Night
A circle of friends I'm part of holds a rather charming private event: every fortnight or so, they gather in a basement for Figure Drawing Night. Anyone who wishes can take turns modeling nude while the others sketch them. When a friend first invited me, I was delighted. For a long time, nudity has been very important to me, particularly the kind of casual, communal nudity … [Read more...]
How A “Special” Dance Class Helped Me Find My Beauty
Confession time: even though I shout disability pride and loving your body from the rooftops to anyone who cares to listen, I still have a certain amount of hatred for my legs. I have cerebral palsy, which means my legs have a particular golf-club-like quality to them. Long, rigid legs end in an ankle that doesn’t really move and a foot that resembles a plank of wood. My toes … [Read more...]
Loose Skin, Stretch Marks, and Cellulite, Oh My: How I Gathered the Courage to Disrupt My Self-Hatred
This article originally appeared in Rarely Wears Lipstick under the title "Fat Bodies, Uneven Skin, and the Courage to Disrupt" and is reprinted by permission from the writer. Content note: this article contains detailed references to body shame, including slang terms for features ascribed to fat bodies and wishes of weight loss, that may be triggering for some … [Read more...]
Why Must Plus-Size Fashion Be “Flattering”?
"Flattering." One quick search through the unread promotional e-mails in my inbox found hundreds of results for this word. “The Most Flattering Swimsuit Ever,” subject lines teased in order to entice me to open them. The word "flattering" is so deeply ingrained in fashion, and particularly in plus-size fashion. But while some still see this word as a guideline, I see it more … [Read more...]
This Is My Summer Body Now: 5 Foolproof Ways To Steer Clear of Body Shaming
Summer is here—or if you live in Louisiana like me, summer has been here since May, but I digress. For many of us, it’s time to say goodbye to the hoodies for lighter clothing options, like a slightly lighter-weight hoodie, or even a cardigan if you’re fancy. Those of us who identify as fat or chubby or what-have-you know, the moment we start shedding our attire to feel more … [Read more...]
From the Doctors to the Gym: Navigating Body-Shame In the Most Vulnerable Places
I was scheduled for a doctor’s appointment that was meant to address the ongoing pain and lack of mobility in my left hip. The persistent injury was at its worst in last January, preventing me from even walking normally, much less going out for a nice long run. At the time, I substituted my running workouts entirely with low-impact cardio and, when I was disciplined, some … [Read more...]
