12 Signs Your Exhaustion Is Due to Emotional Labor — And How to Create Healthy Boundaries December 22, 2019 by Ramona Rio 1 Comment Much has been written with regards to emotional labor in the past few years. Specifically, women have been writing about the emotional labor they must bear in the world in various ways, specifically, with cis men and their own families. As a trans-femme of color with light-skinned privilege, I have had my share of emotional labor. I do become exhausted with providing emotional … [Read more...]
10 Strategies for Surviving Christmas Season With Family December 21, 2019 by Gillian Brown Leave a Comment Note: I am writing this article from my perspective of the holiday season, which is very Christmas-centric. Having said that, I believe that at least some of these hints can be applied to other holiday celebrations. The holidays are promoted, to an almost obnoxious level, as being a time of great joy and merriment. Families come around, delicious food is eaten, presents are … [Read more...]
Letting Go of the Fantasy: 7 Ways to Heal Toxic Family Relationships December 18, 2019 by Mary Robinson Leave a Comment Family dynamics can be tricky. We know, after all, that no family is perfect. Familial relationships can be some of the best support systems, but they can also be difficult and harmful if you're dealing with toxic family members. When you've committed to living a life of radical self-love, having strategies for how to respond to and even heal your toxic family relationships is … [Read more...]
Sorry Not Sorry: Why I’m Over Playing the Role of “Sweetheart” October 4, 2019 by Nicole Campaniello, Guest Writer 2 Comments When I was a little girl, I was always the bossy friend. I would be the one to dictate the games we played and who played what role. When I was in middle school, I was the easy one. I wanted to be accepted by anyone and everyone, so I submitted. In my early years of high school, I was always the bitch. I didn't value people who talked to me as though I were less than human, … [Read more...]
12 maneras de saber si tu cansancio se debe al trabajo emocional y cómo construir limites saludables September 8, 2019 by Ramona Rio and Emanuel Urrea Leave a Comment Se ha escrito mucho respecto al trabajo emocional en los últimos años. Particularmente, son las mujeres quienes han escrito sobre el trabajo emocional que deben soportar en este mundo en sus distintas variantes, específicamente con relación a varones cis y a sus propias familias. Como mujer trans con el privilegio de tener piel clara, he tenido mi cuota de trabajo emocional. … [Read more...]
How Being “Selfless” Taught Me Unhealthy Codependency September 4, 2019 by Michal MJ Jones 1 Comment It was clear from when was a very young child -- and my mother might argue earlier -- that I was a deeply sensitive, emotionally intelligent being. My ma has told me about each of her children after childbirth: “With each of you, I looked at both of you and saw these big, soulful eyes that seemed so old and wise.” This natural-born tenderness was nurtured and tended to … [Read more...]
How To Unwrap Yourself From a Toxic Relationship When the Person Is Gone — But Not the Pain August 26, 2019 by Mary Robinson Leave a Comment It has been almost two years since I ended my last long-term relationship. It seems so strange that we have now been apart longer than we were together. When it began, I thought I had finally found my person. I soon experienced anxiety and doubt after many red flags started to surface. I had longed to love and share my life with someone and I settled for a toxic relationship … [Read more...]
7 Things Not To Say to a Child Wrestling With Their Sexuality August 23, 2019 by Ramona Rio Leave a Comment As a young person, I didn’t have any queer adult mentors to teach me about the positivity of exploring my sexual orientation, not to mention my gender identity. Most of what I learned about being LGBTIQ came from '90s mainstream media and my Gay Straight Alliance in high school. After high school, a couple of my friends eventually came out as gay. I listened and learned from … [Read more...]
4 Dating Tips for Mentally Ill, Disabled, and Neurodivergent People July 18, 2019 by West Anderson Leave a Comment Over the past three years, I’ve learned a lot about the ways in which my brain and body work. I’ve learned that the intense sadness and stress I dealt with in high school did, in fact, qualify as depression and anxiety, and that I could and should seek support for those things. I learned that the extreme physical and mental exhaustion I felt after completing a few days of … [Read more...]
7 Pieces of Advice for Dating While You Are Non-Binary July 1, 2019 by Maya Gittelman Leave a Comment Let's be real: the vast majority of dating advice is aggressively cisheteronormative. From popular magazines and dating advice books to talk shows and Bachelor Nation, we have a plethora of suggestions on how cishet, white, able-bodied, upper-middle-class folks can date each other within cishet, patriarchal structures. Fighting over the bill only to "let" the man pay, dressing … [Read more...]
Abuse Happens Everywhere: 8 Questions To Ask About Respecting BDSM Boundaries June 7, 2019 by Jaime Grant Leave a Comment I came of age during a moment when lesbian feminist culture was booming -– music festivals, women’s bookstores and lesbian feminist political projects were cropping up everywhere. And one of the most damaging and fallacious assumptions of that era was that women were inherently non-violent, that lesbian relationships offered a haven from abuse, that simply because our … [Read more...]
My Queer Sex-Positive Life: Unlearning the Gendered Sexual Shame That Kept Me Disempowered May 8, 2019 by Jamila Reddy Leave a Comment This article was originally published by Jamila Reddy under its original title "Sex-Positivity Means Unlearning Shame" and is republished with permission. When I was five years old, my parents gave my sister and me a book called Where Did I Come From. Published in 1973, the book featured illustrations and explanations of how babies are made. On the front and back covers … [Read more...]
Hugs Not Required: Respecting Children’s Bodies and Boundaries December 10, 2018 by Rev. Katie Norris Leave a Comment The Body is Not an Apology promotes radical self love and body empowerment. If we are to truly advocate for these values, then we need to not only do this work for ourselves as adults, but do it for children as well. We adults struggle with these issues mainly because of the culture we were raised in and how the adults in our childhood treated us. Knowing this, I believe we … [Read more...]
Don’t Go Exhausted Trying to Fix It All: Learning Boundaries As A “Fixer” November 17, 2018 by Mary Robinson 1 Comment I can’t really remember how young I was when I learned how to be the fixer in my family. I would imagine it happened around the time my brother was born. My mother had emergency gallbladder surgery not long after his birth. My family has always reminisced about what a good big sister I was, because I helped with whatever my mom needed. She wasn’t supposed to lift much, but I … [Read more...]
6 Reasons Being Angry Doesn’t Mean You’re Hateful: It Means You Value Your Boundaries September 12, 2018 by Shannon Weber Leave a Comment I’ve learned a lot of things about anger in my life. Growing up, I learned to be there for other people when they were angry, helping soothe their unruly emotions, or at least bearing witness to them, packing away my own emotions until they felt like a choking, gnawing grief I couldn’t shake. (There wasn’t enough room for my grief, for my anxiety at being parentified… I … [Read more...]
How I Learned My Abusive Father is Not a Monster — Just a Rather Sad and Complicated Person August 11, 2018 by Halee Kirkwood Leave a Comment I've always been comically atrocious at mini-golf, and at other sports that require finesse in hand-eye coordination and the action of aiming a ball into a hole, hoop, or goal. Captain J's Mini-Golf Course is a particularly malicious 18-hole booby trap perched on the tip of Lake Superior, and is where I have some of the best memories of my father. Us laughing as I sink my fifth … [Read more...]
