When I was in middle school, I would ask my mom if I could watch certain TV shows other kids were watching: FRIENDS, Scrubs, and so on. She said sure (she’s pretty chill about stuff like that), but she told me there were a lot of jokes I wouldn’t get. She was right. I didn’t understand why the laugh track played when Ross forcibly wouldn’t let his toddler son play with a … [Read more...]
Why I’m Wary of Being Friends With You When None of Your Friends Are Marginalized
One day I was grappling with shame and self-consciousness over my tendency to take stock of the kinds of people new people in my life surround themselves with. I was thinking about this in relation to bodies and, specifically, race and fatness. Until that moment I had internalized this behavior as unnecessary, judgmental, and even shallow. But I had a realization that allowed … [Read more...]
7 Microaggressions Trans People Face in Health and Mental Healthcare Settings
Note: This piece first appeared on the website Lighthouse and is reprinted here by permission. Lighthouse is a startup that matches LGBTQ people with nearby LGBTQ-affirming therapists and doctors. We asked a gender-nonconforming therapist how healthcare providers can become trans-competent and avoid unintentionally harming patients. Whether in an emergency room, a therapy … [Read more...]
Why Trans Womanhood Is Not for Cis Women to Define
When I first heard that Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie had said something unsavory about trans women back in 2017, I avoided the news. I didn't click on it. I tried not think about it. I had read Americanah, watched an interview or two, saw her talk "The Danger of a Single Story." I fondly followed her work and her outspoken position on feminism. As someone whose politics revolve … [Read more...]
5 Ways Cis People Can Help Make Life Safer for Trans Folks
Every day, I have to make the decision about whether or not to come out as transgender. There's a good reason why so much of my friend group is composed of trans people. I don't have to explain myself to them, I don't have to worry whether they are seeing me as I truly am, and I don't have to worry about any unintended microaggressions they might say relating to my gender. … [Read more...]
An Open Letter for F*ckboys: Fear Is at the Root of Toxic Masculinity
I’ve been told many times by my wife that men suck. Her words offended me, angered, and even irritated me - how could my wife, someone married to a man, make such a sweeping declaration? This is an open letter about how I, a recovering fuckboy, came to find her words so true and how radical self-love is changing my life. Let’s jump right into this: “Men suck.” It’s the … [Read more...]
4 Things Cis Folk Are Clueless About When It Comes To Understanding Trans Folks
I appreciate all the cis people in my life who have worked hard to learn about trans issues and become better allies to me and people like me. Despite their sincerity and hard work, there are a few habits that are so deeply engrained into our culture that I notice cis people have trouble remembering to step out of them. So I put together a list of a few things I notice my cis … [Read more...]
How Can We Make Our Everyday Language More Gender-Inclusive?
The titles we so commonly use to address our loved ones all refer to binary gender identities. The words “brother”, “sister”, “dad”, “mother”, “aunt”, “uncle", "boyfriend", and "girlfriend" all assume a person is either a man or a woman. But what about those folks who identify as non-binary, agender, or Two-Spirit? Or folks who are gender non-conforming, gender-neutral, or are … [Read more...]
How Conservatives Are Using Cis Women’s Bodies To Destroy Trans Women’s Lives
Content warning: references to sexual assault; graphic transphobic violence With very few exceptions, almost every woman and non-binary person closest to me has been a survivor of sexual violence, often committed by people in their own families. The perpetrators of these crimes have overwhelmingly been cisgender men, correlating with national data demonstrating … [Read more...]
10 Reasons Cis Men Must Unabashedly Support Trans and Gender Non-Conforming Folks
Trans and gender non-conforming folks have not been at the forefront of rights and access discussions in the United States as much as they are today. Much of these discussions and this attention has been good, with more and more people coming out as trans or gender non-conforming and more and more people supporting them and pushing for laws to protect them. Unfortunately, many … [Read more...]
