Content Note: This article contains discussion of intimate partner violence and attempted suicide. This article was originally published on xoJane and cross-posted to Everyday Feminism. It appears with permission of Everyday Feminism. He spent over a year trying to convince me to be with him. We were friends for two years and became close. When one of his relationships ended … [Read more...]
How Do We Really See Each Other Across Identities?: Notes From a Queer Breakup
Almost a year after separating from my partner, we had a second breakup. Our first breakup, though incredibly painful, was what I can only describe now as tender. After trying to surmount the difficulty of a nearly ten-year age difference, our romantic relationship ended upon the realization that I was not yet ready to "settle down" and wanted more time to explore life as … [Read more...]
3 Steps Toward Good Sex Beyond the Binary: Having Sex With a Non-Binary Person, Even When That Person Is You
Gender is a spectrum, which means that between and outside of the constructs of male and female, there exists an entire range of gender identities. We often speak of “transgender” and “cisgender” identities: “cisgender” indicating that one’s gender matches the gender they were assigned at birth, and “transgender” indicating that one’s gender does not. However, we still often … [Read more...]
How I Convinced Myself I Didn’t Have an Eating Disorder — And Returned to Myself Through Fierce Black Self-Love
Content note: This article discusses eating disorders (including bulimia and anorexia), weight loss, and "thinspiration". It began with a love of tattoos: the permanence of art on an impermanent body, the buzz of the machine, the stinging and the bleeding and the healing. And by “it,” I mean how I taught myself to call my eating disorder “inspiration” -- and thus … [Read more...]
Why I’m Over the Pressure To “Find Love” as an Asexual Person
I wish it were more acceptable in this world for people to live life without romantic love — without having it, without wanting it, and without waiting around for it. What tires me most about our cultural view of romantic love is the idea that, even if we don’t have it or want it now, romantic love will ultimately make its way into our lives, and it’s going to change … [Read more...]
3 Reasons Why You Might Not Talk to the Guy in the Wheelchair — And Why I Wish You Would
I have to overcome a lot of issues related to my disability. I was born with cerebral palsy, so I’ve encountered challenges from day one. When you add the fact that I'm a gay man living in the Deep South, a lot of times it’s hard just to live. I’ve only had two romantic relationships in my life. The first was for a little over two years, and my second and most recent one … [Read more...]
3 Uncomfortable Questions You Should Rethink Asking
No query is universally benign. Some questions shouldn’t be asked of a particular person; others shouldn’t be posed at a certain time. Under more circumstances than you might think, innocently intended inquiries can feel like interrogations, even when proffered without malice. In other words, there are no innocent questions. I hope we can all extend grace to one another in … [Read more...]
6 Questions To Ask Your Partner When You Have More Privilege Than Them
This piece was originally published by EverydayFeminism.com under the title "6 Questions to Ask If You Have More Privilege Than Your Partner" and is republished with permission. Content note: This article briefly alludes to suicidal ideation and eating disorders. I learned to be a girlfriend through ’90s American rom-coms. 90% of the time, I learned, I had to be … [Read more...]
What I Learned From Never Experiencing “Romantic” Love
When I was very young, I had the same dreams and expectations that many girls of my 1950s generation in my social class had: that I would start dating in high school, go to college and eventually meet “the love of my life,” fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t have what I always thought of as romantic love in my life, … [Read more...]
4 Ways Non-Monogamy Helps Me Feel Safer and More Comfortable in Romantic Relationships
Writer’s Note: I want to acknowledge that while this is a piece about non-monogamy, it has grown out of my own experiences. As such, it won’t include all experiences of non-monogamy, such as sharing living spaces, having another committed partner in addition to a "primary" partner, or sharing partners. While those forms of non-monogamy are just as valid and have just as much … [Read more...]
8 Lessons That Show How Emotional Labor Defines Women’s Lives
Content note: This article contains a description of incestuous childhood sexual abuse. The article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. “I want to say: we come from difference, Jonas, You have been taught to grow out, I have been taught to grow in.” – Lily Myers, “Shrinking Women” It’s an early spring evening in Montreal, and … [Read more...]
How To Unwrap Yourself From a Toxic Relationship When the Person Is Gone — But Not the Pain
It has been almost two years since I ended my last long-term relationship. It seems so strange that we have now been apart longer than we were together. When it began, I thought I had finally found my person. I soon experienced anxiety and doubt after many red flags started to surface. I had longed to love and share my life with someone and I settled for a toxic relationship … [Read more...]
5 Dehumanizing Myths About Fat Men and Dating That We Can’t Excuse
About a month ago, one of my sisters tagged me in a video she recorded of Family Feud, a game show where two families compete for a cash prize by trying to find the most popular answers to a variety of questions. On the episode she recorded, host and comedian Steve Harvey asks the contestants to answer a rather loaded statement: “Name a reason a woman might decide to be with a … [Read more...]
4 Dating Tips for Mentally Ill, Disabled, and Neurodivergent People
Over the past three years, I’ve learned a lot about the ways in which my brain and body work. I’ve learned that the intense sadness and stress I dealt with in high school did, in fact, qualify as depression and anxiety, and that I could and should seek support for those things. I learned that the extreme physical and mental exhaustion I felt after completing a few days of … [Read more...]
