As 2012 rolled into 2013, the following three things happened in the span of one and a half months: The girl I thought I’d one day marry very suddenly told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore. I went on anti-anxiety meds, which made me feel like I had the flu, and when I tried to go off them, I ended up in the emergency room. My mother’s breast cancer came back … [Read more...]
The Highest Highs and Lowest Lows: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder
Content warning: mentions of abuse, suicide and self-harm. [note: For clarity and simplicity, I will refer to those with Borderline Personality Disorder as “borderlines” multiple times in this article. However, the general consensus within the BPD community is that it is inappropriate for those without BPD to refer to us as “borderlines”. It is offensive, dehumanizing and … [Read more...]
Have a Strategy: 6 Steps to Ease Social Anxiety This Holiday Season
The holidays are full of joy and cheer. Unless they’re not. For people with anxiety and depression, the holidays can be pretty miserable, leaving them looking for some kind of relief. If you’re the type to suffer from the holiday blues, there are ways to get through the season without a great deal of suffering. Lower Expectations One of the main causes of … [Read more...]
Creating a Culture of Openness: 14 Things I Realized About Suicidality
Are you managing depression and suicide this holiday season? We know this time of the year can be hard for some and hope this article helps in your healing. On August 5th of this year, I tried to kill myself. The police were called. I was restrained, patted down, taken to the hospital, and held on a 5150. I was there for two days before they left me go. The term “5150” … [Read more...]
“How Can I Best Support You?” & 6 Other Questions to Ask When Your Friend is Suffering
When I hit rock-bottom in my drug addiction and mental health, I spent a whole year and a half recovering. Six months of that time, I slept almost every day until two or three in the afternoon. I would not say that I had nothing to live for, but I felt there was nothing in my immediate future to work towards. I did not even see it as time to “work on myself” because I was … [Read more...]
Why Music Might Be Your Best Friend While Managing Depression
I get sad a lot these days, and I’m sure you do too. Whether it’s due to mental illness, or stress from work, or seeing something that just rubs you the wrong way, we all go through the motions of sadness from time to time. Sometimes it’s easier for us to snap out of our sadness, maybe by watching a funny YouTube video or talking to a friend who knows how to cheer you up. Other … [Read more...]
7 Ways I Take Care of Myself During Depressive Episodes
First thing’s first, this taboo around talking about mental illness can get out. It does not further growth, healing, or self-love, so let’s just go ahead and throw it out the window. Cool. That’s out of the way. I have been living with Bipolar disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder for about 14 years now. Along the way, I have found a few tricks to ease the … [Read more...]
Undo the Stigma: 10 Things Not to Say to Someone Managing Depression
I’ve been clinically depressed over thirty years. There are times when I am in what I’ve termed remission but the depression never ever leaves. It’s become my companion for better or worst. Over the years my depression takes on different faces to the point where sometimes I didn’t even recognize it until much later. What that means is that the methods I use to manage my … [Read more...]
From Brokenness to Breakthrough: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself to Authentically Redesign Your Life
The pressure to perform, to be strong and not break always ends up leaving us in tears when the spotlight is turned off and our thoughts become are only comfort. We hear countless stories that focus on gossip, relationships and women being compared to other women in the media, as cover ups to the reality of what we are actually facing. There, unfortunately, is not enough … [Read more...]
It’s Okay If The Only Thing You Did Today Was Breathe
At the beginning of my depressive episode, I had this distinct memory right of surrender. Of feeling this tug that drew me down into my bed and of feeling this mental shift of, disaster, defeat and general disappointment. A sort of hopelessness slipped in. An illusion of control broke down and any confidence I felt in my ability to control my body, my mind and the ways of which … [Read more...]
Why I’m Grateful I Have a Borderline Personality Disorder Diagnosis
My mouth hovers a millimetre or so away from the surface. The bath water is warm and ripple free. The sound of my heartbeat echoes in my ears. If only the water level was slightly higher, I would inhale this vaguely rose-scented peace, return to the void and sink into blissful oblivion. My relaxed heart thuds more slowly and I observe it, contentedly, before pulling the plug … [Read more...]
3 Tips For Practicing Self Care When Grieving
My mother was killed on August 1, 2014 while driving to her final teacher recertification class. She was about to start teaching in a new county and had to take courses in preparation for the Fall school start. The person who hit her car, resulting in her hitting a beltway lane divider was a Maryland State Police cadet. My mother was killed a week before Michael Brown. Other … [Read more...]
Mixed Mama Blues: My First Year of Protective Motherhood in the Age of #BlackLivesMatter
Over the last year I have gotten married, had a baby, switched jobs and moved half way across country, all while being depressed and scared of the dangers all around me. Like the world was moving too fast and I needed a pause button. What I honestly imagined would be a “sabbatical writing retreat” otherwise known as my 6 weeks of maternity leave, turned out to be the most … [Read more...]
A Holding Space for Black Pain: On Grief, Belonging, & Radical Imagination
In October, my one of my closest friends died by suicide. The days after their death were jarring & bewildering. I carefully tried to drink water—only to involuntarily spit it up while sobbing. I tried to eat—only able to eat soup and beans (to my horror, the hot Funyuns a friend offered made me nauseous.) I tried to walk, to listen, to breathe, but each moment was … [Read more...]
