Content note: This article discusses eating disorders (including bulimia and anorexia), weight loss, and "thinspiration". It began with a love of tattoos: the permanence of art on an impermanent body, the buzz of the machine, the stinging and the bleeding and the healing. And by “it,” I mean how I taught myself to call my eating disorder “inspiration” -- and thus … [Read more...]
3 Reasons Why You Might Not Talk to the Guy in the Wheelchair — And Why I Wish You Would
I have to overcome a lot of issues related to my disability. I was born with cerebral palsy, so I’ve encountered challenges from day one. When you add the fact that I'm a gay man living in the Deep South, a lot of times it’s hard just to live. I’ve only had two romantic relationships in my life. The first was for a little over two years, and my second and most recent one … [Read more...]
Struggling With Sexual Dysfunction in Your Marriage? You’re Not Alone
For some of us, there is no amount of self-love or body-positive work that will inspire passion and sexual chemistry in our partners. For many of us, our partners simply don’t find touching our bodies desirable and aren’t capable of manufacturing that sensation. It’s not about us, though it unquestionably has a huge impact on us. Dressing provocatively, engaging in … [Read more...]
How I Confronted My Internalized Anti-Blackness as a Queer Black Man
Desire, oooh like fire... come on, baby, light my fire I used to lip sync for my life with these lyrics when I was a boy. I had no idea what En Vogue was referring to when they sang “Desire,” but that never stopped me from getting into the song. You could say En Vogue was my introduction to the concept of desire. I felt desire for the first time years later as a teenager. My … [Read more...]
El Amor Romantico Nos Mata: Quien Cuida De Nosotros Cuando Somos Solteros?
Soy una persona deprimida, pero deprimida es un verbo. Considero mi depresión como el resultado de una posición social y de la inevitable historia de colonización, racismo, del estigma de la gordura y de la discriminación. Estoy tomando antidepresivos, pero éstos solo pueden reprogramar la química de mi cerebro y no la realidad social y material en la que vivo. No puede … [Read more...]
3 Reasons We Need To Be Critical of Compulsory Sex Positivity in Queer Spaces
Sex positivity often acts as an implicit — or sometimes explicit — foundation of leftist, feminist, and LGBTQ+ spaces for completely valid reasons. As women and queers, sex has been the driving force behind both our oppression and the spaces we create to separate, heal, and liberate us from our oppression. Sexualized spaces for socializing predate our modern understanding of … [Read more...]
5 Dehumanizing Myths About Fat Men and Dating That We Can’t Excuse
About a month ago, one of my sisters tagged me in a video she recorded of Family Feud, a game show where two families compete for a cash prize by trying to find the most popular answers to a variety of questions. On the episode she recorded, host and comedian Steve Harvey asks the contestants to answer a rather loaded statement: “Name a reason a woman might decide to be with a … [Read more...]
4 Ways To Make Space for Non-Binary People When Discussing Eating Disorders
For the past many years, I have struggled with an eating disorder. Searching for a therapist, I have called several locations. Each time, they assumed that because of my voice I was a man and would want to be a part of their men’s services. When I corrected and explained that I'm not a man, they assumed I was a woman and would want treatment with other women. My options always … [Read more...]
My Red Bikini: How I Learned Self-Love Takes Time (And Is Worth the Wait)
This article originally appeared on adrienne maree brown under the title "self-love as a journey, practice and state" and is reprinted by permission. today i am wearing a bikini in public. this week i also went topless in public. i consider these miraculous occurrences and proof positive that self-love work is worth it. my belly loves the sun as much as the rest of me … [Read more...]
Cuando Se Trata A Los Amigos Como Amantes: La Politica Del Deseo
A menudo cuando el deseo aparece en las conversaciones, esta queda reducida a una experiencia personal o se refiere a la frecuencia con las que se tiene sexo, o con cuantas parejas sexuales, lo que es, desde luego, parte de la conversación pero no “la conversación”. Esto provoca un modo sencillo de clausurar el tema y de evitar que puedan aparecer otros aspectos no tan … [Read more...]
7 Ways Social Justice Language Can Become Abusive in Intimate Relationships
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. "It’s that bone gnawed moment when you realize ‘The Community’ will do nothing to stop him from showing up at your backdoor in the middle of the night with the rifle he bought for the revolution” —Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, “so what the fuck does consciousness mean anyway” There … [Read more...]
