For some of us, there is no amount of self-love or body-positive work that will inspire passion and sexual chemistry in our partners. For many of us, our partners simply don’t find touching our bodies desirable and aren’t capable of manufacturing that sensation. It’s not about us, though it unquestionably has a huge impact on us. Dressing provocatively, engaging in … [Read more...]
How I Confronted My Internalized Anti-Blackness as a Queer Black Man
Desire, oooh like fire... come on, baby, light my fire I used to lip sync for my life with these lyrics when I was a boy. I had no idea what En Vogue was referring to when they sang “Desire,” but that never stopped me from getting into the song. You could say En Vogue was my introduction to the concept of desire. I felt desire for the first time years later as a teenager. My … [Read more...]
Hot Sex After 50: 3 Myths and 3 Truths
As a longtime sex coach in my mid-50s, I find myself in a constant state of speaking truth to power when it comes to sex and aging. How is hot sex after 50 different from hot sex after 40? Or 20? How is it different from hot sex in the aftermath of divorce? Or during the hottest love affair of our lives? The point is: hot sex matters. It generates and releases energy. It … [Read more...]
3 Reasons We Need To Be Critical of Compulsory Sex Positivity in Queer Spaces
Sex positivity often acts as an implicit — or sometimes explicit — foundation of leftist, feminist, and LGBTQ+ spaces for completely valid reasons. As women and queers, sex has been the driving force behind both our oppression and the spaces we create to separate, heal, and liberate us from our oppression. Sexualized spaces for socializing predate our modern understanding of … [Read more...]
My Red Bikini: How I Learned Self-Love Takes Time (And Is Worth the Wait)
This article originally appeared on adrienne maree brown under the title "self-love as a journey, practice and state" and is reprinted by permission. today i am wearing a bikini in public. this week i also went topless in public. i consider these miraculous occurrences and proof positive that self-love work is worth it. my belly loves the sun as much as the rest of me … [Read more...]
Cuando Se Trata A Los Amigos Como Amantes: La Politica Del Deseo
A menudo cuando el deseo aparece en las conversaciones, esta queda reducida a una experiencia personal o se refiere a la frecuencia con las que se tiene sexo, o con cuantas parejas sexuales, lo que es, desde luego, parte de la conversación pero no “la conversación”. Esto provoca un modo sencillo de clausurar el tema y de evitar que puedan aparecer otros aspectos no tan … [Read more...]
My Queer Sex-Positive Life: Unlearning the Gendered Sexual Shame That Kept Me Disempowered
This article was originally published by Jamila Reddy under its original title "Sex-Positivity Means Unlearning Shame" and is republished with permission. When I was five years old, my parents gave my sister and me a book called Where Did I Come From. Published in 1973, the book featured illustrations and explanations of how babies are made. On the front and back covers … [Read more...]
6 Points to Consider When Asking Why Queer Women Date Masculine Women “Instead of Just Dating a Guy”
Editor's note: This article was originally published on Everyday Feminism as "An Answer to 'Why Is She Dating a Masculine Woman Instead of Just Dating a Guy?" and is republished here with their permission. Maybe you’ve heard it, been asked it, or wondered about it yourself: why do queer women and lesbians date masculine-presenting women instead of just dating a cisgender … [Read more...]
5 Things People Get Wrong About Desire
Content note: This article includes (non-detailed) references to fantasizing about sexual violence The not-so-funny paradox about sex in our lives is that we are swamped by it but honest, intimate conversation about our desires is hard to come by. Sex sells it all, from toothpaste to car insurance. We are advice-d to death about it via endless columns in glossy magazines. … [Read more...]
Fat Black Queer Femmes Are the Fetishized Backbones of Our Communities — But Who Takes Care of Us?
This article was originally published on Rest for Resistance as "Labor, Chaotic Desire & Belonging: On Blackness, Femininity, and Queerness" and is republished with permission. This is for the queer fat Black femmes. As children, we learn that we never occupy just one, but all, of our identities. Not a fat girl or a Black girl, but a fat Black girl. In elementary school, … [Read more...]
