After my mother died, every supposedly joyous occasion had a pall thrown over it. Without her, it was hard to celebrate. Without her, everything felt empty. When my father-in-law lost his mother (my husband's grandmother) just a month before the holidays last year, I understood, in my own way, a bit of what he and his siblings would endure. Each time I witness someone losing a … [Read more...]
Struggling With Sexual Dysfunction in Your Marriage? You’re Not Alone
For some of us, there is no amount of self-love or body-positive work that will inspire passion and sexual chemistry in our partners. For many of us, our partners simply don’t find touching our bodies desirable and aren’t capable of manufacturing that sensation. It’s not about us, though it unquestionably has a huge impact on us. Dressing provocatively, engaging in … [Read more...]
What I Learned From Never Experiencing “Romantic” Love
When I was very young, I had the same dreams and expectations that many girls of my 1950s generation in my social class had: that I would start dating in high school, go to college and eventually meet “the love of my life,” fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t have what I always thought of as romantic love in my life, … [Read more...]
Not Everyone’s “Born This Way”: How I Grew Into My Middle-Aged Trans Identity
Two years ago, I came out as queer, kinky, polyamorous, and transgender, all in the space of a few months. I’m not young; I'm approaching the age bracket known as “middle age.” In fact, I worried initially that my coming out explosion was some sort of midlife crisis brought on by reading too many queer comics and following too many trans Twitter accounts. Part of me shies away … [Read more...]
Making My Way Back: Recovering Pieces of Myself After Sexual Assault and Divorce
I met Gregory for the first time on October 4, 2003. Our first date—arranged via Match.com as an early-afternoon coffee at a downtown cafe—ended 9½ hours later, when waitstaff at the nearby Thai restaurant we had relocated to, The Happy Smile, finally shooed us out the door. Although he and I did not get married until the following December, we decided to use Oct 4, 2003 as … [Read more...]
What It’s Like to Get a Queer Divorce After Fighting for Marriage Equality
In a few words: it sucks. Breakups are horrible things, even if, as in my case, they really need to happen. And getting a divorce, with the complications of being legally entangled with someone else and having to get government institutions involved in order to start rebuilding your life, is a unique brand of horrible. But getting a divorce after being … [Read more...]

The Body Is Not an Apology
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