Much has been written with regards to emotional labor in the past few years. Specifically, women have been writing about the emotional labor they must bear in the world in various ways, specifically, with cis men and their own families. As a trans-femme of color with light-skinned privilege, I have had my share of emotional labor. I do become exhausted with providing emotional … [Read more...]
Help Isn’t a Favor: Creating Intimacy and Connection in Disability
I’m that girl, the one everybody goes to when there’s a crisis. I’m there, sorting it, finding out, lending a hand, raising money. That’s me. That was me. Then, one day, I was the crisis. And Then She Fell is the soft title of a memoir of recent events that I never plan to write. I keep making up titles for the not-book, though. It helps me try to make sense of senseless … [Read more...]
How Do We Really See Each Other Across Identities?: Notes From a Queer Breakup
Almost a year after separating from my partner, we had a second breakup. Our first breakup, though incredibly painful, was what I can only describe now as tender. After trying to surmount the difficulty of a nearly ten-year age difference, our romantic relationship ended upon the realization that I was not yet ready to "settle down" and wanted more time to explore life as … [Read more...]
Why I’m Wary of Being Friends With You When None of Your Friends Are Marginalized
One day I was grappling with shame and self-consciousness over my tendency to take stock of the kinds of people new people in my life surround themselves with. I was thinking about this in relation to bodies and, specifically, race and fatness. Until that moment I had internalized this behavior as unnecessary, judgmental, and even shallow. But I had a realization that allowed … [Read more...]
3 Ways Heterosexual Couples Can Challenge Gender Norms in Their Relationships
Not to brag, but for my wife’s birthday last year, I got her an incredible gift. A month or two prior, she had passively mentioned that she really liked the idea of getting a record player, and that she was tired of our listening to music on our phones while chilling out in our apartment. My solution was acquiring a sweet audio system that included a record player, CD player, … [Read more...]
25 Ridiculous Things I Shouldn’t Have To Do To Avoid Street Harassment
This article was originally published by EverydayFeminism and is republished here with permission. When it comes to the issue of street harassment, you can’t really grasp what the problem is unless you’ve had to deal with it. So for those of us who do know what being harassed is like, we often have to put up with not just the harassment, but also with dismissive attitudes … [Read more...]
6 Questions To Ask Your Partner When You Have More Privilege Than Them
This piece was originally published by EverydayFeminism.com under the title "6 Questions to Ask If You Have More Privilege Than Your Partner" and is republished with permission. Content note: This article briefly alludes to suicidal ideation and eating disorders. I learned to be a girlfriend through ’90s American rom-coms. 90% of the time, I learned, I had to be … [Read more...]
Sorry Not Sorry: Why I’m Over Playing the Role of “Sweetheart”
When I was a little girl, I was always the bossy friend. I would be the one to dictate the games we played and who played what role. When I was in middle school, I was the easy one. I wanted to be accepted by anyone and everyone, so I submitted. In my early years of high school, I was always the bitch. I didn't value people who talked to me as though I were less than human, … [Read more...]
8 Lessons That Show How Emotional Labor Defines Women’s Lives
Content note: This article contains a description of incestuous childhood sexual abuse. The article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. “I want to say: we come from difference, Jonas, You have been taught to grow out, I have been taught to grow in.” – Lily Myers, “Shrinking Women” It’s an early spring evening in Montreal, and … [Read more...]
12 maneras de saber si tu cansancio se debe al trabajo emocional y cómo construir limites saludables
Se ha escrito mucho respecto al trabajo emocional en los últimos años. Particularmente, son las mujeres quienes han escrito sobre el trabajo emocional que deben soportar en este mundo en sus distintas variantes, específicamente con relación a varones cis y a sus propias familias. Como mujer trans con el privilegio de tener piel clara, he tenido mi cuota de trabajo emocional. … [Read more...]
4 Formas de en las que los varones pueden asumir trabajo emocional en una relación (y por qué deberían)
Ya sean románticas, sexuales, platónicas o profesionales, las emociones siempre jugaran un rol fundamental en que tan exitosa o poco exitosa es cualquier relación. Las relaciones, por definición, requieren que dos o más partes aporten cierta cantidad de esfuerzo emocional para mantener la relación a flote. A menudo sucede que una sola persona afronta el choque emocional, … [Read more...]
How I Navigate Talking to Kids About My Gender as a Trans Parent and Educator
Children are a distinct, purposeful focus in my life. I'm the parent of a brilliant six-year-old and have many close friends with delightful kids as well. I work as a substitute para-educator, a job that sends me to a plethora of classrooms, K-12, throughout my city. I'm also a transgender woman. People often connect children with trans issues, but outside the occasional … [Read more...]
6 Comments That Gaslight People in Conversations About Social Justice
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism and is republished with permission. It can take courage to talk about how social injustice has affected you – and that makes it all the worse when you open up about it and people try to shut you down. Most people who have spoken out about sexism, racism, or other societal problems will be familiar with at least one of … [Read more...]
50 Ways People Expect Constant Emotional Labor From Women and Femmes
This article was originally published by EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. The work of women and femmes is traditionally undervalued – we get paid less in nearly all professions. But there’s another type of work we’re often expected to do for no pay at all: emotional labor. Emotional labor is the exertion of energy for the purpose of addressing people’s … [Read more...]
