This article was originally published at Truthout under the title "The Future is Indigenous: Decolonizing Thanksgiving" and is reprinted here with permission. In 2015, a video meme circulated prior to Thanksgiving, featuring YouTube personality Franchesca Ramsey humorously breaking down the actual history of the holiday. A wet blanket to her family's Thanksgiving dinner, … [Read more...]
Learning To Wear Red Lipstick: The Empowerment of Self-Presentation
A couple of years ago, I complimented a classmate on her outfit as we were waiting for the professor to arrive. “I love that lipstick color on you,” I said. “Thanks!” she replied. “It was just a red lipstick kind of day, you know?” “Well, I don’t really wear red lipstick, but it looks so gorgeous on you,” I said. “Why don’t you?” she asked. “I bet you’d look amazing with it … [Read more...]
5 Ways To Find Radical Self-Love and Joy in the Midst of Chronic Pain
Though I have been disabled my entire life and have always written about disability, mine has been an experience with fairly little pain. Muscle spasms are common for me and vary in severity, but they have always seemed nothing more than uncomfortable and inconvenient. Sure, they hurt sometimes and occasionally with great intensity, but they're mostly short-lived. As most … [Read more...]
I’m a Married Christian Woman Who Doesn’t Want Children — And That’s Okay
As a Christian woman who has no desire to procreate, I’ve often felt like an anomaly or a mutant. In the various church communities I’ve called home at one time or another, I haven’t been aware of a significant number of Christian women like me: women who are happily married, without children, and who remain childless intentionally and unapologetically. For a long time, I was … [Read more...]
Sorry Not Sorry: Why I’m Over Playing the Role of “Sweetheart”
When I was a little girl, I was always the bossy friend. I would be the one to dictate the games we played and who played what role. When I was in middle school, I was the easy one. I wanted to be accepted by anyone and everyone, so I submitted. In my early years of high school, I was always the bitch. I didn't value people who talked to me as though I were less than human, … [Read more...]
“Look at My Butt!”: How I Reclaimed My Right To Wear Whatever the Heck I Want
My life has been plagued by people telling me what I can and cannot wear. They tell me not only what is supposed to look good on my short, pear-shaped body, but more distressingly, what I have to wear to be “acceptable.” I've been living a life of “good girls don’t wear that” as a youth, to “successful women don’t wear that” in college, to “female ministers don’t wear that” … [Read more...]
3 Ways Autistic Adults Experience Domestic Abuse — And 3 Ways To Stop It
This article was originally published on The Establishment under the title "We Need To Talk About the Domestic Abuse of Autistic Adults" and is republished with permission. Content Warning: This article references sexual abuse. It didn’t take long for me to identify a sweeping problem that no one is talking about. After much confusion, anguish, flashbacks, self-blame, and … [Read more...]
7 Things I Teach My Kids About Consent, Sexual Harassment, and Assault
During a crowded bus journey, my daughter's shrill four-year-old voice piped up clearly and succinctly above the hum of the ongoing conversation: "I want to have sex with [insert classmate here]." A silence, not unlike the one pervading the moment before the conductor raises his baton, fell in anticipation of my reply. And on behalf of all the sex-positive parents, I swallowed … [Read more...]
4 Ways Non-Monogamy Helps Me Feel Safer and More Comfortable in Romantic Relationships
Writer’s Note: I want to acknowledge that while this is a piece about non-monogamy, it has grown out of my own experiences. As such, it won’t include all experiences of non-monogamy, such as sharing living spaces, having another committed partner in addition to a "primary" partner, or sharing partners. While those forms of non-monogamy are just as valid and have just as much … [Read more...]
3 Ways You Might Change After a Difficult Thing Has Happened (And Why That’s Okay)
One day I called my best friend from high school and asked him, “Can you tell me who I was?" "Remind me how you remember me, please," I begged. "I can’t remember who I was, who I really am, who I’m supposed to be.” I experienced a trauma. It changed me in ways that made me unrecognizable to myself. I struggled with these changes, resented them, and ended up resenting … [Read more...]
Hot Sex After 50: 3 Myths and 3 Truths
As a longtime sex coach in my mid-50s, I find myself in a constant state of speaking truth to power when it comes to sex and aging. How is hot sex after 50 different from hot sex after 40? Or 20? How is it different from hot sex in the aftermath of divorce? Or during the hottest love affair of our lives? The point is: hot sex matters. It generates and releases energy. It … [Read more...]
