This article was first published at Feministing.com under the title "Silence Equals Shame: Stepping Into the Light of My Abortion." My father called me yesterday, after stumbling upon a Facebook ad that lead him to an interview I did for the 1 in 3 Campaign. In the interview I talked for the first time very publicly about my abortion, an abortion my father never knew I … [Read more...]
Healing the Wounds of Growing Up in a Fat-Shaming Family
In the immortal words of Brianna in the classic film Bring It On: All or Nothing, "I've always had a big ass. It runs in my family. We're a big-assed family." My family never used to do “thin” well. My father hovered between “normal” and “more to love,” my mother had a substantially emphasised hourglass shape, and both of my younger brothers were noticeably chubby. As for me? … [Read more...]
Crecer en una familia gordofóbica
En palabras inmortales de Brianna en la película clásica A por todas: Todo o Nada: “Siempre he tenido un culo grande. Viene de familia. Somos una familia culona”. Mi familia nunca hizo a los “delgados” bien. Mi padre siempre ha estado entre “normal” y “achuchable”, mi madre tenía una considerable y marcada figura de reloj de arena, y mis dos hermanos … [Read more...]
Living Inside the Contradictions: My Father’s Love and My Father’s Abuse
I've been thinking a lot lately about the polarized extremes that show up in our public discourse. It's nearly impossible to find a comment thread on the Internet in which people do not feel compelled to take only one position on an issue and to reject any contradiction, any paradox, any additional truths that might illuminate the issue in a more complex way. Perhaps we humans … [Read more...]
Holiday Stress: Five Ways to Manage the Chaos That Comes With the Holidays
With the coming dark, my own body shifts into a cycle of down time. As someone who celebrates the shifting of the yearly cycle, I’ve learned to let myself flow with them. When winter comes, I hibernate and it’s okay. But hibernating is hard with the rush of the holiday season. There’s just so much to celebrate, along with so much to do. In the last couple of days alone, I … [Read more...]
Don’t Purge Your White Friends on Facebook: 8 Actions for Racially Aware White Folks Before Unfriending a Bigot
On my feed I was excited to see a post called the 7 Stages of White People Getting Woke. Great--someone outlining the emotions and actions white folks go through when we first open our eyes to the truth of systemic racism in this country. I was all on board for recognizing white privilege, researching the pervasiveness of racism, feeling the feelings, connecting to others, … [Read more...]
Cultivating Interdependence: 3 Ways To Center Friendships While Being in a Committed Romantic Relationship
I’ll admit it: I’m guilty of codependency in my romantic relationships. The why has many answers, from battling debilitating anxiety and depression for the past two years that have made it hard to leave my house, to the fact that most of my friends have moved away from the city I live in. As I shifted careers and began solely working from home, my isolation increased, as did my … [Read more...]
Abusing the Uncle in the Backroom: Disability in the Black Community
In my family of origin, there was no uncle and there wasn’t a backroom. However, as my grandfather aged and moved from being able bodied to disabled, he became that uncle and the backroom became a very real and horrible place. Being a caretaker to a family member who is aging or disabled can be a difficult task in the healthiest of families, but it can be done well. When the … [Read more...]
How I Learned My Abusive Father Is Not a Monster — Just a Rather Sad and Complicated Person
I've always been comically atrocious at mini-golf, and at other sports that require finesse in hand-eye coordination and the action of aiming a ball into a hole, hoop, or goal. Captain J's Mini-Golf Course is a particularly malicious 18-hole booby trap perched on the tip of Lake Superior, and is where I have some of the best memories of my father. Us laughing as I sink my fifth … [Read more...]
Afro-Latina: 6 Women Open Up About Being Black and Latina
Editor's Note: This article was originally published by Vibe.com and is republished with permission. “We got a little bit of Black in us!” This is what the Puerto Ricans I grew up around in the South Bronx used to joke. The idea that Blackness was something beyond skin color never made much sense back then. But the older I got, the more I realized how prevalent those African … [Read more...]
