One day I was grappling with shame and self-consciousness over my tendency to take stock of the kinds of people new people in my life surround themselves with. I was thinking about this in relation to bodies and, specifically, race and fatness. Until that moment I had internalized this behavior as unnecessary, judgmental, and even shallow. But I had a realization that allowed … [Read more...]
When You Call Me Skinny (Hint: It’s Not a Compliment)
Content note: This article contains extended discussion of familial fat-shaming, attempted weight loss, dieting, and eating disorders. In a radical self-love webinar I took with TBINAA founder Sonya Renee Taylor, she asked participants to recall their first memory of body shame. Everyone had one. I went blank. I had none. The truth was, I had far too many. My entire life … [Read more...]
7 Things I Wish People Knew About Being a Fat Woman
This article originally appeared on SHESAID and has been republished with permission. I used to spend a lot of time wondering if people were polite to my face and rude behind my back, probably because I’ve caught people doing that before. To my face they’d tell me how cute my outfit was. Then I’d turn around and they’d make a comment about how “brave” I was for wearing a skirt … [Read more...]
“I Can’t Believe She Wore That!”: What Shaming Others Reveals About Our Own Body Shame
One day at the grocery store, I saw three young people walking through the parking lot. One of the girls wore short shorts. Very short shorts. And Ugg boots. I commented -- a lot. My children were with me. I didn’t think at the time about what they processed as I ranted about how short the shorts were. How ridiculous she looked wearing Uggs in July. My own words came back to me … [Read more...]
“Normal” Bodies Don’t Exist: Celebrating Your Body in the Face of Fatphobia
I remember once when I was thirteen years old in the middle of PE class. A teacher came along and told us that we would soon be having swimming lessons over at a nearby private school’s swimming facilities. At first, I was excited. I like swimming, I had a swimming pool at home, and my standard swimming costume of a one-piece, a rash shirt, and board shorts was something I … [Read more...]
Mixed-Race, Non-Binary, Queer Fat Femme: How I Fail and Succeed in Finding Liberation
I am a Black, mixed-race, fat, queer, non-binary person. Most saliently, I am femme. I have come to understand radical femmeness, femme magic, femme community, femme love, and femme power through my relationships with other womxn and femmes of color. While femme communities evoke safeness and security for me, they also often exist on the basis of trauma. Femininity leaves us … [Read more...]
How Your “Concern” Is Killing Your Fat Friends
“Wow… you’re really growing!” “You’re a big strong girl!” “You’re becoming a woman so quickly!” “You should watch what you eat.” “It’s time to start dieting.” “Your stretch marks look terrible.” “You shouldn’t wear that.” “You need to do some exercise.” “You’re going to die young.” This is the transgression of fatphobia over the past 24 years of my … [Read more...]
Demanding Our Stories Be Told: We Are Ready for Authentic Representations of Fat Folks’ Stories
I have always been an avid consumer of books, TV shows, movies, video games, and, more recently, webcomics and podcasts. I take great delight in engaging with communities of people who like the same media I do, and I spend a lot of my time thinking about the worlds created by the creators of those media. Now that I am an adult and an activist, my interest in my favourite … [Read more...]
10 Ways To Be Fat (In a World That Wants To Destroy You)
Writer's note: These are some things I have learned after living for more than two and a half decades as a fat person. This list isn’t, by any means, comprehensive or relevant to every fat person. Some things might be relevant to people who aren't fat. That’s great. But don’t forget that this is by and for fat folks. Some things I am still trying to learn. Some … [Read more...]
Fat Black Queer Femmes Are the Fetishized Backbones of Our Communities — But Who Takes Care of Us?
This article was originally published on Rest for Resistance as "Labor, Chaotic Desire & Belonging: On Blackness, Femininity, and Queerness" and is republished with permission. This is for the queer fat Black femmes. As children, we learn that we never occupy just one, but all, of our identities. Not a fat girl or a Black girl, but a fat Black girl. In elementary school, … [Read more...]
Breaking Out Of The “Acceptable:” I Don’t Have to Explain Away My Fatness
I would like to start this article with some good news: Acceptance of body diversity is happening, and it is amazing! There is no doubt about it, either. Between the new range of Barbie dolls in four different body types to the continual establishment of high street fashion retailers that cater to “different” bodies (such as Bravissimo for large-busted women and Long Tall … [Read more...]
6 Reasons I Struggle More With My Chronic Illness Than Being Fat (And How I Still Love This Body)
Generally, when people are talking about loving their bodies they are talking about things like fat and body image. I have been lucky to have not ever been too bothered by being fat. (That is a super simplification of a lot of privilege and fatphobia and decades of complicated feelings, but it’s also relatively accurate). However, I have had a lot of struggles around … [Read more...]
Fat Parenting 101: 7 Things to Know as a Fat Parent
Parents of all sizes have to navigate how to teach their kids about bodies. But for us fat parents it can be even more challenging because we have to deal with internalized fatphobia as well as the fatphobia directed at us from the world (and sometimes our kids). These thoughts are things that have worked for me as I have navigated being a fat parent raising (hopefully) … [Read more...]
Navigating the Whiteness of Countercultures in a Brown and Fat Body
I am an active enthusiast of counterculture fashion. I first discovered the emo counterculture as a young tween and I became obsessed with heavy eyeliner, vampires, and My Chemical Romance. I have continued to be an active participant in countercultures ever since, ranging from casual goth to space grunge and everything in between those two extremes. This means going through an … [Read more...]
