“Wow… you’re really growing!” “You’re a big strong girl!” “You’re becoming a woman so quickly!” “You should watch what you eat.” “It’s time to start dieting.” “Your stretch marks look terrible.” “You shouldn’t wear that.” “You need to do some exercise.” “You’re going to die young.” This is the transgression of fatphobia over the past 24 years of my … [Read more...]
In Response to Sean Grant: Online Bullying, Misogynoir, and the Concept of being an “Ugly Black Woman”
On Tuesday, November 27th, Facebook alerted me that a man named Sean Grant posted a picture of me. I didn’t and don’t know Sean. But, I recently performed at book release for the phenomenal Bay area poet, James Cagney, and thought that perhaps he was someone who attended the reading and snapped a shot. I was excited to see what was there because I knew that I was styling and … [Read more...]
Fat & Femme: My F*CK You to Traditional Beauty Standards
I am a Black mixed race, fat, queer, non-binary person. Most saliently, I am femme. I have come to understand radical femmeness, femme magic, femme community, femme love and femme power through my relationships with other womxn and femmes of colors. While femme communities evoke safeness and security for me they also often exist on the basis of trauma. There are an infinite … [Read more...]
When You Call Me Skinny
In a recent webinar with TBINAA founder Sonya Renee Taylor, she asked participants to recall their first memory of body shame. Everyone had one. I went blank. I had none. The truth was, I had far too many. My entire life flashed, and shorted out the lights in my mental attic. There was no clearing out this closet, especially not in the dark. Weeks later, it surfaced. A … [Read more...]
Demanding Our Stories Be Told: We Are Ready for Authentic Representations of Fat Folks’ Stories
I have always been an avid consumer of books, TV shows, movies, video games, and, more recently, webcomics and podcasts. I take great delight in engaging with communities of people who like the same media I do, and I spend a lot of my time thinking about the worlds created by the creators of those media. Now that I am an adult and an activist, my interest in my favourite … [Read more...]
7 Things I Wish People Knew About Being A Fat Woman
This article by Virgie Tovar originally appeared on SHESAID and has been republished with permission. You do you, just make sure you do it without making other people feel crappy about their bodies. I used to spend a lot of time wondering if people were polite to my face and rude behind my back, probably because I’ve caught people doing that before. To my face … [Read more...]
10 Ways to Be Fat (In a World That Wants to Destroy You)
Writer's note: These are some things I have learned after living for more than two and a half decades as a fat person. This list isn’t, by any means, comprehensive or relevant to every fat person. Some things might be relevant to people who aren't fat. That’s great. But don’t forget that this is by and for fat folks. Some things I am still trying to learn. Some … [Read more...]
Desire & Belonging: On Blackness, Femininity, and Queerness
This article was originally published on Rest for Resistance and is republished with permission. This is for the queer fat Black femmes. As children, we learn that we never occupy just one, but all, of our identities. Not a fat girl or a black girl, but a fat black girl. In elementary school, when everyone began talking about crushes, relationships, and desirability, … [Read more...]
There is No Such Thing as a Normal Body: Celebrating Your Body in the Face of Fatphobia
I remember once when I was thirteen years old, and in the middle of PE class. A teacher came along and told us that we would soon be having swimming lessons over at a nearby private school’s swimming facilities. At first, I was excited. I like swimming, I had a swimming pool at home, and my standard swimming costume of a one-piece, a rash shirt, and board shorts was something I … [Read more...]
Fat bodies, Uneven Skin, and the Courage to Disrupt
This article originally appeared in Rarely Wears Lipstick and is reprinted by permission from the writer. The number of more positive articles on fat bodies is finally starting to increase, in the wake of the popularity of ‘plus size’ (ugh I hate that term) models like Ashley Graham, Audrey Ritchie and Tess Holliday. It seems like culture (and capitalism) has … [Read more...]
Who Your Friends Are Matters: Why I’m Wary of Being Friends With You When None of Your Friends Are Marginalized
The Body Is Not an Apology’s goal is to share the myriad ways human bodies unshackle the box of “beauty” and fling it wide open for all of us to access. Our goal is to redefine the unapologetic, radically amazing magnificence of EVERY BODY on this planet. When we do, we change the world! Join the movement and become a subscriber today! bit.ly/NoBodiesInvisible. One day I … [Read more...]
The Gender Nonconformity of My Fatness
Last month I was in a public space. Meaning, I was in a space that left my body vulnerable to the interpretations of those around me and their responses. Two strangers met nearby, and one asked the other a question the necessitated acknowledging me. The first did so, referring to me as ‘she’ (“She is waiting in line”). I noted this internally, bemused. He then immediately … [Read more...]
Who Can and Cannot be Feminine… Without Giving Up Their Safety?
Before being out as feminine, in order to maintain any sense of safety (no matter how fragile), I was always expected and only allowed to express my femininity with certain restrictions, and these restrictions changed depending on who I was with and where I was. This often made things not only confusing, but miserable. It was difficult to keep up with who I was supposed to … [Read more...]
4 Problems with the Trauma-Leads-to-Fatness Narrative
This piece first appeared on the author’s blog, Virgie Tovar, and is reprinted here by permission. I've seen the fatness-as-a-product of trauma conversation pop up about 5 times in my feed this week, and though I have no desire to belittle the truly stultifying realities and effects of trauma (sexual and otherwise), I would like to offer the following 4 … [Read more...]
