One day I was grappling with shame and self-consciousness over my tendency to take stock of the kinds of people new people in my life surround themselves with. I was thinking about this in relation to bodies and, specifically, race and fatness. Until that moment I had internalized this behavior as unnecessary, judgmental, and even shallow. But I had a realization that allowed … [Read more...]
When You Call Me Skinny (Hint: It’s Not A Compliment)
Content note: This article contains extended discussion of familial fat-shaming, attempted weight loss, dieting, and eating disorders. In a radical self-love webinar I took with TBINAA founder Sonya Renee Taylor, she asked participants to recall their first memory of body shame. Everyone had one. I went blank. I had none. The truth was, I had far too many. My entire life … [Read more...]
7 Things I Wish People Knew About Being A Fat Woman
This article originally appeared on SHESAID and has been republished with permission. I used to spend a lot of time wondering if people were polite to my face and rude behind my back, probably because I’ve caught people doing that before. To my face they’d tell me how cute my outfit was. Then I’d turn around and they’d make a comment about how “brave” I was for wearing a skirt … [Read more...]
“I Can’t Believe She Wore That!”: What Shaming Others Reveals About Our Own Body Shame
One day at the grocery store, I saw three young people walking through the parking lot. One of the girls wore short shorts. Very short shorts. And Ugg boots. I commented -- a lot. My children were with me. I didn’t think at the time about what they processed as I ranted about how short the shorts were. How ridiculous she looked wearing Uggs in July. My own words came back to me … [Read more...]
“Normal” Bodies Don’t Exist: Celebrating Your Body in the Face of Fatphobia
I remember once when I was thirteen years old in the middle of PE class. A teacher came along and told us that we would soon be having swimming lessons over at a nearby private school’s swimming facilities. At first, I was excited. I like swimming, I had a swimming pool at home, and my standard swimming costume of a one-piece, a rash shirt, and board shorts was something I … [Read more...]
Mixed-Race, Non-Binary, Queer Fat Femme: How I Fail and Succeed in Finding Liberation
I am a Black, mixed-race, fat, queer, non-binary person. Most saliently, I am femme. I have come to understand radical femmeness, femme magic, femme community, femme love, and femme power through my relationships with other womxn and femmes of color. While femme communities evoke safeness and security for me, they also often exist on the basis of trauma. Femininity leaves us … [Read more...]
How Your “Concern” Is Killing Your Fat Friends
“Wow… you’re really growing!” “You’re a big strong girl!” “You’re becoming a woman so quickly!” “You should watch what you eat.” “It’s time to start dieting.” “Your stretch marks look terrible.” “You shouldn’t wear that.” “You need to do some exercise.” “You’re going to die young.” This is the transgression of fatphobia over the past 24 years of my … [Read more...]
In Response to Sean Grant: Online Bullying, Misogynoir, and the Concept of being an “Ugly Black Woman”
On Tuesday, November 27th, Facebook alerted me that a man named Sean Grant posted a picture of me. I didn’t and don’t know Sean. But, I recently performed at book release for the phenomenal Bay area poet, James Cagney, and thought that perhaps he was someone who attended the reading and snapped a shot. I was excited to see what was there because I knew that I was styling and … [Read more...]
Demanding Our Stories Be Told: We Are Ready for Authentic Representations of Fat Folks’ Stories
I have always been an avid consumer of books, TV shows, movies, video games, and, more recently, webcomics and podcasts. I take great delight in engaging with communities of people who like the same media I do, and I spend a lot of my time thinking about the worlds created by the creators of those media. Now that I am an adult and an activist, my interest in my favourite … [Read more...]
The Gender Nonconformity of My Fatness
Last month I was in a public space, meaning, I was in a space that left my body vulnerable to the interpretations of those around me and their responses. Two strangers met nearby, and one asked the other a question that necessitated acknowledging me. Stranger #2 responded to Stranger #1's question, referring to me as "she" (“She's waiting in line”). I noted this internally, … [Read more...]
10 Ways to Be Fat (In a World That Wants to Destroy You)
Writer's note: These are some things I have learned after living for more than two and a half decades as a fat person. This list isn’t, by any means, comprehensive or relevant to every fat person. Some things might be relevant to people who aren't fat. That’s great. But don’t forget that this is by and for fat folks. Some things I am still trying to learn. Some … [Read more...]
Desire & Belonging: On Blackness, Femininity, and Queerness
This article was originally published on Rest for Resistance and is republished with permission. This is for the queer fat Black femmes. As children, we learn that we never occupy just one, but all, of our identities. Not a fat girl or a black girl, but a fat black girl. In elementary school, when everyone began talking about crushes, relationships, and desirability, … [Read more...]
Fat bodies, Uneven Skin, and the Courage to Disrupt
This article originally appeared in Rarely Wears Lipstick and is reprinted by permission from the writer. The number of more positive articles on fat bodies is finally starting to increase, in the wake of the popularity of ‘plus size’ (ugh I hate that term) models like Ashley Graham, Audrey Ritchie and Tess Holliday. It seems like culture (and capitalism) has … [Read more...]
Breaking Out Of The “Acceptable:” I Don’t Have to Explain Away My Fatness
I would like to start this article with some good news: Acceptance of body diversity is happening, and it is amazing! There is no doubt about it, either. Between the new range of Barbie dolls in four different body types to the continual establishment of high street fashion retailers that cater to “different” bodies (such as Bravissimo for large-busted women and Long Tall … [Read more...]
The Body Is Not an Apology
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