Family dynamics can be tricky. We know, after all, that no family is perfect. Familial relationships can be some of the best support systems, but they can also be difficult and harmful if you're dealing with toxic family members. When you've committed to living a life of radical self-love, having strategies for how to respond to and even heal your toxic family relationships is … [Read more...]
How I Learned to Be Naked: Listening to My Body and Healing Body Shame
Content Note: This article references a parent's use of Weight Watchers for their child. I didn’t always hate and hide my body. I was athletic as a child. I swam competitively and played outside until the last drop of daylight. I trusted my body and knew it well. That changed when puberty hit in the fourth grade. I started to look more like a woman than a little kid, and a … [Read more...]
“Stop Looking at Your Phone”?: 5 Ways Internet Technology Helps My Queer, Neurodivergent Family
Watching my teens interact on the Internet sometimes feel like coming full circle. My own experience with Internet relationships started in the early nineties on a fetish board, complete with black screen and green print. During that time, I was on the tail-end of an emotionally abusive relationship coupled with a lot of confusion about my sexual identity. Socially awkward … [Read more...]
Why I’m Wary of Being Friends With You When None of Your Friends Are Marginalized
One day I was grappling with shame and self-consciousness over my tendency to take stock of the kinds of people new people in my life surround themselves with. I was thinking about this in relation to bodies and, specifically, race and fatness. Until that moment I had internalized this behavior as unnecessary, judgmental, and even shallow. But I had a realization that allowed … [Read more...]
5 Ways To Maintain Your Queer Identity in a Relationship People Read as Straight
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. In a way, there is a safety that comes with being out in public holding a boy’s hand. I’m seen as straight, feminine, the “right” sort of woman. Nobody harasses me, leering and telling me to kiss him so they can watch. Nobody calls me the d-word or threatens to “turn” me straight. As far as … [Read more...]
“Tomate tu tiempo:” 10 cosas que le podes decir a una persona con ansiedad
Si soy completamente honesta, no tengo idea de cuando empezaron mis problemas de ansiedad. Me diagnosticaron con problemas de ansiedad hace aproximadamente cinco años, pero ya venía experimentando síntomas desde hacía años. Quizás es algo que tengo desde que nací. Cuando sea que haya empezado, siento que ya tengo la experiencia suficiente luego de tantos años de sufrir ansiedad … [Read more...]
El Amor Romantico Nos Mata: Quien Cuida De Nosotros Cuando Somos Solteros?
Soy una persona deprimida, pero deprimida es un verbo. Considero mi depresión como el resultado de una posición social y de la inevitable historia de colonización, racismo, del estigma de la gordura y de la discriminación. Estoy tomando antidepresivos, pero éstos solo pueden reprogramar la química de mi cerebro y no la realidad social y material en la que vivo. No puede … [Read more...]
6 señales de advertencia de que tu amistad es abusiva
Las dinámicas toxicas no están reservadas solo para relaciones afectivas o sexuales. Cualquier relación que tengas con otra persona puede ser saludable: una fuente de positividad y empoderamiento mutuo. Cualquier relación con otra persona también puede por lo tanto ser no saludable: abuso emocional. Puede ser difícil reconocer el abuso emocional cuando viene de amigos en lugar … [Read more...]
Quienes son tus amigos importa: por qué soy precavido de ser tu amigo cuando ninguno de tus amigos son marginados
Un día mientras trataba de resolver con vergüenza y acomplejado por mi tendencia a evaluar las clases de personas con las que se rodean las personas que son nuevas en mi vida. Estaba pensando en relación a los cuerpos, particularmente razas y gordura. Hasta ese momento tenia internalizado que era un comportamiento innecesario, prejuicioso e incluso superficial. Pero tuve una … [Read more...]
Abuse Happens Everywhere: 8 Questions To Ask About Respecting BDSM Boundaries
I came of age during a moment when lesbian feminist culture was booming -– music festivals, women’s bookstores and lesbian feminist political projects were cropping up everywhere. And one of the most damaging and fallacious assumptions of that era was that women were inherently non-violent, that lesbian relationships offered a haven from abuse, that simply because our … [Read more...]
How It Impacts Me as a Queer Woman When Friends Call Each Other “Girl Friends”
As I continue to settle into a queer identity, certain words and their meanings seem to do the exact opposite of settling in. They don't sit still. Words I've never been comfortable using have become part of my regular vocabulary, and words that have never really affected me before suddenly have an unpleasant edge. Like other people, my relationship with words is very much a … [Read more...]
Building My Radical Self-Love as the Trans Girl at Naked Drawing Night
A circle of friends I'm part of holds a rather charming private event: every fortnight or so, they gather in a basement for Figure Drawing Night. Anyone who wishes can take turns modeling nude while the others sketch them. When a friend first invited me, I was delighted. For a long time, nudity has been very important to me, particularly the kind of casual, communal nudity … [Read more...]
Letting People Go Is Not Cruel — It’s an Act of Self-Care
When I was in university, I became friends with someone. Let’s call them L. L and I were close. Really, really close. There was a period of time where we would meet up almost daily. Occasionally I would stay at L’s house for so long, unwilling to go home and be away from them, that I would stay the night. Whenever we weren’t together, we would text each other stupid nothings … [Read more...]
10 Tips for Caring For Your Mental Health on Vacation
As the final days of spring give way to the sunny weather and sunscreened noses of summertime, many of us eagerly anticipate our summer vacations. Vacations, after all, are when we escape the drearier components of our regular, everyday lives, go to new places, and do things for no other reason than because we want to do them. I myself happen to be going on … [Read more...]
