Content Note: This article contains discussion of intimate partner violence and attempted suicide. This article was originally published on xoJane and cross-posted to Everyday Feminism. It appears with permission of Everyday Feminism. He spent over a year trying to convince me to be with him. We were friends for two years and became close. When one of his relationships ended … [Read more...]
3 Ways Toxic Masculinity Harmed Me as a Male Survivor of Abuse
It’s hard for me to write the story about being in an abusive relationship. Not because it’s hard for me to talk about it, though sometimes it is. Not because I’m still carrying shame and self-doubt or because I might trigger my own trauma responses, though I am and I might. It’s because writing about being a male survivor of intimate partner abuse, especially when your abuser … [Read more...]
5 Examples of Trump’s Gaslighting That Exemplify My Emotionally Abusive Ex
Editor's Note: This article was originally published February 17, 2017 on EverydayFeminism under the title "5 Gaslighting Phrases Donald Trump Used That Remind Me a Lot of My Abusive Ex." It is republished here with permission. In light of the current impeachment proceedings, we found the piece important to repost as a helpful set of tools for understanding how gaslighting … [Read more...]
3 Ways Autistic Adults Experience Domestic Abuse — And 3 Ways To Stop It
This article was originally published on The Establishment under the title "We Need To Talk About the Domestic Abuse of Autistic Adults" and is republished with permission. Content Warning: This article references sexual abuse. It didn’t take long for me to identify a sweeping problem that no one is talking about. After much confusion, anguish, flashbacks, self-blame, and … [Read more...]
6 señales de advertencia de que tu amistad es abusiva
Las dinámicas toxicas no están reservadas solo para relaciones afectivas o sexuales. Cualquier relación que tengas con otra persona puede ser saludable: una fuente de positividad y empoderamiento mutuo. Cualquier relación con otra persona también puede por lo tanto ser no saludable: abuso emocional. Puede ser difícil reconocer el abuso emocional cuando viene de amigos en lugar … [Read more...]
6 Comments That Gaslight People in Conversations About Social Justice
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism and is republished with permission. It can take courage to talk about how social injustice has affected you – and that makes it all the worse when you open up about it and people try to shut you down. Most people who have spoken out about sexism, racism, or other societal problems will be familiar with at least one of … [Read more...]
Excommunicate Me From the Cult of Toxic Social Justice
“confronting racism, sexism and all the underlying structural oppressions of our system is never easy, and taking a good, hard look at our own privilege is inevitably a painful process. but there’s a harshness in the air now that is more intense than i’ve seen in fifty years of involvement in social justice struggles.” --starhawk in building a welcoming movement “solidarity … [Read more...]
Abuse Happens Everywhere: 8 Questions To Ask About Respecting BDSM Boundaries
I came of age during a moment when lesbian feminist culture was booming -– music festivals, women’s bookstores and lesbian feminist political projects were cropping up everywhere. And one of the most damaging and fallacious assumptions of that era was that women were inherently non-violent, that lesbian relationships offered a haven from abuse, that simply because our … [Read more...]
3 Reasons You Wouldn’t Believe My Ex Abused Me – And Why They All Mean You Should
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. (Content Note: This article references partner abuse, include rape.) Here’s the truth: My ex-boyfriend abused me. He treated me worse than anyone outside of our relationship will ever know. Some of you might believe me if I told you. But I’ve heard over and over again the common … [Read more...]
Intergenerational Trauma: Indigenous Resilience in the Face of Abuse
This article was originally published on Residential School Magazine under its original title "Let Me Tell You About Inter-Generational Trauma" and is republished with permission. **Content note: this article contains discussions of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse and violence as well as suicide.** My grandmother was placed in residential school at the age of 6. For … [Read more...]
7 Ways Social Justice Language Can Become Abusive in Intimate Relationships
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. "It’s that bone gnawed moment when you realize ‘The Community’ will do nothing to stop him from showing up at your backdoor in the middle of the night with the rifle he bought for the revolution” —Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, “so what the fuck does consciousness mean anyway” There … [Read more...]
Brett Kavanaugh and #MeToo: What Happened to You Matters
Content warning: discussion of sexual violence and rape culture When I was eight years old, a neighborhood boy who was about 16 was over at my house watching the 1968 version of Romeo & Juliet with me on the VCR in my living room. Apparently my dad let us watch it, something my mom would later excoriate him for, coming from a place of bitter knowledge that women, … [Read more...]
“We Stand With Cosby”: Rape Culture and Victim-Blaming Among America’s Heroes
It's an easy thing to say: just tell the truth. Tell it immediately, without bias, lacking emotionality, to everyone. Easy, right? Even in our daily interactions, we do not always tell the truth. Often in fear of hurting others, being hurt, getting fired, being told your truth was never worth sharing. However, when it comes to people in the public eye, it has become all too … [Read more...]
When Spiritual Bypassing Meets Racism Meets Gaslighting
The original post appeared on Wake Up, Mama! and is reprinted by permission. I want to talk about something I witnessed last week in the online world. First, a little background. A couple of years ago, I became increasingly aware of a pervasive phenomenon in the (overwhelmingly white) women’s spirituality/ personal growth circles I move in. I noticed persistent … [Read more...]
