What is gender? Gender is a spectrum, which means that between and outside of the constructs of male and female, there exists an entire range of gender identities. We often speak of “transgender” and “cisgender” identities: “cisgender” indicating that one’s gender matches the gender they were assigned at birth, and “transgender” indicating that one’s gender does … [Read more...]
When the Gender Binary Puts A Damper on Date Night
I am a cis queer femme woman partnered with a non-binary queer person. While I enjoy so many things about our five-year relationship, including the fact that people recognize me as queer when we are out together, my babe is basically misgendered wherever they go. Even by other queer people. It’s rare for them to have a validating experience when it comes to gender, especially … [Read more...]
Summer Is Not for Street Harassment — Regardless of Gender, Race, or Size
Ah, summer. Enduring six months of a freezing New England hellscape in order to re-enter the world of soft, swirling sand dunes and jeweled salty ocean waves. The perfume of sunscreen. Living in the city, battling the humidity as I take my dog to the park. Existing as a curvy, white, queer femme, cisgender woman. Feeling men’s eyes travel over my ass and my boobs as I … [Read more...]
8 Ways Non-Binary People Rock!
Those of us who have genders that leap ecstatically out of the gender binary are stellar beings that disrupt, re-define, and challenge traditional conceptions of gender identity and expression, and there are just about as many ways to express and live a non-binary gender identity as there are stars in the sky. Let's explore some of the ways that non-binary people push … [Read more...]
What It Means To Be MultiGender: The Questions Many Have, But Are Afraid To Ask
There is an infinite diversity of genders in the world. Each person has a totally unique interpretation and relationship with any gender they inhabit. There are at least as many genders as there have been humans who have lived. I say “at least” because as it turns out, a person can embody more than one gender in their lifetime. They can even embody more than one gender at … [Read more...]
Think It’s #NotAllMen? These 4 Facts Prove You’re Just Plain Wrong
This article is published with permission and was originally published by EverydayFeminism.com. Dear Well-Meaning Men Who Believe Themselves to Be Safe, Thereby Legitimizing the “Not All Men” Argument, Let’s start here, even though this should go without saying: We don’t think that all men are inherently abusive or dangerous. Plenty of men aren’t. There are men that we love … [Read more...]
The Gender Nonconformity of My Fatness
Last month I was in a public space. Meaning, I was in a space that left my body vulnerable to the interpretations of those around me and their responses. Two strangers met nearby, and one asked the other a question the necessitated acknowledging me. The first did so, referring to me as ‘she’ (“She is waiting in line”). I noted this internally, bemused. He then immediately … [Read more...]
5 Ways to Maintain Your Queer Identity in a Relationship People Read as Straight
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. In a way, there is a safety that comes with being out in public holding a boy’s hand. I’m seen as straight, feminine, the “right” sort of woman. Nobody harasses me, leering and telling me to kiss him so they can watch. Nobody calls me the d-word or threatens to “turn” me straight. As far … [Read more...]
Learning to Live with Wanting to Die
[Content warning: Discussion of suicidal thoughts] According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Depression is characterized by depressed or sad mood, diminished interest in activities which used to be pleasurable, weight gain or loss… fatigue, inappropriate guilt, difficulties concentrating, as well as recurrent thoughts of death.” My depression took a … [Read more...]
7 Ridiculous Things NOT to Say to Bisexual Folks
Over the years I have been subjected to many biphobic remarks. Biphobia is not just a specific expression of homophobia for folks who are “partly” gay. Biphobia comes from the queer community and straight community alike, and in my experience, is an expression of binary and either/or thinking that is so destructive to our world in many ways. These below are … [Read more...]
Let’s Stop Acting as if Queers Need to Look a Certain Way to be Queer
In my city, there’s a monthly queer-women-and-company dance event called Flannel Takeover. It’s supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek reference to the visuals of being a queer woman: someone who wears lots of flannel. Line up, ladies and trans gents and non-binary folks! Grab a beer, don your snapback, aaand let’s perpetuate the lazy stereotype that queer woman equals … [Read more...]
Simple But Not Easy: 25 Steps to Justice
Tired of asking, “What can I do?” or “How can I be helpful?” At times, you are asking how you can uplift marginalized voices. That is the most productive question; lead with that first. However, in most situations, the underlying request is “Tell me how to be a good person” or “Tell me how to not offend.” When people ask these questions, I typically begin a discussion — a … [Read more...]
7 Ways to Support Someone Who is Struggling with Their Gender Identity
Don’t assume you ‘know’ what their authentic gender is. Don’t assume you know what they are going through. Don’t assume anything. Listen. Listen. Listen. Open yourself. Hear. Hear. Hear. Every person’s gender journey is distinctly theirs; there are no cookie-cutter ten steps to success. Who is this person? What matters to them? How do they talk about their gender? … [Read more...]
How Conservatives are Using Cis Women’s Bodies to Destroy Trans Women’s Lives
Content warning: references to sexual assault; graphic transphobic violence With very few exceptions, almost every woman and non-binary person closest to me has been a survivor of sexual violence, often committed by people in their own families. The perpetrators of these crimes have overwhelmingly been cisgender men, correlating with national data demonstrating … [Read more...]
