Tired of asking, “What can I do?” or “How can I be helpful?” At times, you are asking how you can uplift marginalized voices. That is the most productive question; lead with that first. However, in most situations, the underlying request is “Tell me how to be a good person” or “Tell me how to not offend.” When people ask these questions, I typically begin a discussion — a … [Read more...]
5 Ways to Maintain Your Queer Identity in a Relationship People Read as Straight
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. In a way, there is a safety that comes with being out in public holding a boy’s hand. I’m seen as straight, feminine, the “right” sort of woman. Nobody harasses me, leering and telling me to kiss him so they can watch. Nobody calls me the d-word or threatens to “turn” me straight. As far … [Read more...]
7 Ways to Support Someone Who is Struggling with Their Gender Identity
Don’t assume you ‘know’ what their authentic gender is. Don’t assume you know what they are going through. Don’t assume anything. Listen. Listen. Listen. Open yourself. Hear. Hear. Hear. Every person’s gender journey is distinctly theirs; there are no cookie-cutter ten steps to success. Who is this person? What matters to them? How do they talk about their gender? … [Read more...]
How Conservatives are Using Cis Women’s Bodies to Destroy Trans Women’s Lives
Content warning: references to sexual assault; graphic transphobic violence With very few exceptions, almost every woman and non-binary person closest to me has been a survivor of sexual violence, often committed by people in their own families. The perpetrators of these crimes have overwhelmingly been cisgender men, correlating with national data demonstrating … [Read more...]
Sex and Gender are Actually the Same Thing (But Bear With Me)
This article originally appeared in Androgeneity and is reprinted by permission from the writer. As you read the title, you may be overcome with indignation that this article is going to be a gender-essentialist rant. You’ll be relieved to know that it’s quite the opposite. My intent in writing this is to point out some serious misconceptions perpetuated in ‘trans 101’ … [Read more...]
7 Microaggressions Trans People Face in Health and Mental Healthcare Settings
This piece first appeared on the website, Lighthouse, and is reprinted here by permission. Lighthouse is a rapidly growing new startup that matches LGBTQ people with nearby, LGBTQ affirming therapists and doctors. We asked a gender nonconforming therapist how healthcare providers can become trans-competent and avoid unintentionally harming patients. Whether … [Read more...]
Gender Has Got Me F*cked Up: Navigating the Pressure to Alter My Boi Body
writer's note: i write in lower case, it's my small rebellion. i’m mad. i’m mad that gender rules that dictate what is “appropriate dress” for female and male bodies have me thinking about surgically altering my body. i love my body. i love how it’s feminine and masculine at the same time. i love the curve of my belly and the muscle line when i flex my triceps. i love … [Read more...]
3 Steps Toward Good Sex Beyond the Binary: Having Sex with a Nonbinary Person, Even When that Person is You
What is gender? Gender is a spectrum, which means that between and outside of the constructs of male and female, there exists an entire range of gender identities. We often speak of “transgender” and “cisgender” identities: “cisgender” indicating that one’s gender matches the gender they were assigned at birth, and “transgender” indicating that one’s gender does … [Read more...]
All Our Bodies Are Holy: Selfies and Self-Love
A long time ago, some time in the early to mid-90s, I was sitting in the back seat of my parents' shitty Ford sedan. In my working-class family’s economy car, there was very little room in the back seat, and my little brother's sweaty head lay heavy against my side. We traveled along the Shoreway with the meager Cleveland skyline to the right and the vast marine nothingness of … [Read more...]
Why is Fat a Feminist Issue?
OK, so. I have to make a confession. At first, I didn’t know that fat was a feminist issue. I really didn’t. When I started reading about fat activism and getting involved in it, I saw it as being its own thing: another kind of activism fighting against another form of inequality. I considered it to be related to feminism in the same way that most types of … [Read more...]
A Nonbinary Approach to Spiritual Activism: Jailbreaking the Goddess
Trying to discuss the intersection of spirituality and activism is a funny thing. Especially when you’ve been kind of distanced from both for a while. I had the pleasure of meeting Lasara in Los Angeles this past spring at a Jailbreaking the Goddess workshop at the Crystal Matrix store, during which she discussed some of the key points of her recent work. It was the kind of … [Read more...]
Gender Differences in Asperger’s: Being a Trans Guy and a Female-Socialized Aspie
I have never been quite like most people. I was aware of my difference from a very early age. It was as though I viewed the world in an entirely different way from the people around me. Things that they took seriously seemed inconsequential to me. Things that I took seriously seemed inconsequential to them. I felt perpetually misunderstood. Adults were always telling me I … [Read more...]
An Act of Knowing: Moving Towards a Black Femme Politic
When I was a child. What age, I can’t remember. But when I was a child tends to suffice for stories like this. When I was a child, I would play dress-up with my little sister. I’m the oldest of four. Theoretically, I should have been playing with my older, decidedly more butch cousin. Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on who you ask – I was always just a tad bit too … [Read more...]
What It Means To Be MultiGender: The Questions Many Have, But Are Afraid To Ask
There is an infinite diversity of genders in the world. Each person has a totally unique interpretation and relationship with any gender they inhabit. There are at least as many genders as there have been humans who have lived. I say “at least” because as it turns out, a person can embody more than one gender in their lifetime. They can even embody more than one gender at … [Read more...]
