Many, if not most, of the trans people I’ve known have been coping with at least one form of trauma. We take a lot of abuse from society, often at an early age. I am transgender. I do not currently identify as the sex I was assigned at birth (female). I have also taken physical steps to alter my body and live my life perceived by others as male. However, my gender identity … [Read more...]
Dating While Trans: From Victim to Partner
[Content warning: Sexually explicit language] I’ve written quite extensively about my experience of dating cis people while trans — specifically, while being a female-assigned-at-birth boy, with a vulva, who is sexually and romantically attracted to men. I’ve tried on and tolerated several labels for who I am: gay trans man, trans fag, and during my more desperate, crude … [Read more...]
On Dudes, Menstruation, and Getting Over It
My sister once told me a story of a substitute teacher she had, a sweet woman with kind eyes and an adorable bob. She arrived at school wearing a black dress dappled with bright, white flower designs. This teacher walked up and down the aisles as my sister’s classmates worked on math problems. She leaned over my sister’s desk to answer a question, and the boy behind her audibly … [Read more...]
Intersectional Feminism: 5 Ways West Indian Women Reinforce Patriarchy
This article was originally published on West Indian Critic and is republished with permission. One of the aspects of weaving intersectional feminism into your life as a Caribbean woman involves a lengthy process of unlearning the damaging ideas and beliefs thrust upon you by Caribbean society. Even if I once had a West Indian teacher wrongfully assert that the Caribbean … [Read more...]
An Updated Birth Announcement, 22 Years Later For My Transgender Kid
In August of 1992, when I was five months pregnant, I went in for my sonogram and asked to be told the gender of my baby. The technician looked at the image and said, "It's a girl!" [Image description: The photograph shows a sonogram image of a baby at five months' gestation. The image is blurry, in black and white, and in a triangular shape against a black background … [Read more...]
Visibility and Vulnerability as a Trans Woman
On March 31, throughout the world and across the Internet, people observed the Transgender Day of Visibility (TDoV). I found myself, as I have in previous years, feeling ambivalent about this event. Because honestly? For many trans women, visibility is exactly the problem: It is involuntary, and it leaves us vulnerable to both physical and social violence. We get mocked, … [Read more...]
Desire & Belonging: On Blackness, Femininity, and Queerness
This article was originally published on Rest for Resistance and is republished with permission. This is for the queer fat Black femmes. As children, we learn that we never occupy just one, but all, of our identities. Not a fat girl or a black girl, but a fat black girl. In elementary school, when everyone began talking about crushes, relationships, and desirability, … [Read more...]
These 25 Examples of Male Privilege from a Trans Guy’s Perspective Really Prove the Point
This article originally appeared on Everyday Feminism and is reprinted by permission. Quite a bit changed for me over the first couple of years I started testosterone. My health and mental wellbeing improved, my happy button grew over an inch in length, my natural musk became so fragrant that now I gross even myself out if I don’t shower pretty much every day … [Read more...]
Girlfriend versus Girl Friend: How Queer Identity Changes the Impact of Words
As I continue to settle into a queer identity, certain words and their meanings seem to do the exact opposite of settling in. They don't sit still. Words I've never been comfortable using have become part of my regular vocabulary, and words that have never really affected me before suddenly have an unpleasant edge. Like other people, my relationship with words is very much a … [Read more...]
3 Steps Toward Good Sex Beyond the Binary: Having Sex with a Nonbinary Person, Even When that Person is You
What is gender? Gender is a spectrum, which means that between and outside of the constructs of male and female, there exists an entire range of gender identities. We often speak of “transgender” and “cisgender” identities: “cisgender” indicating that one’s gender matches the gender they were assigned at birth, and “transgender” indicating that one’s gender does … [Read more...]
When the Gender Binary Puts A Damper on Date Night
I am a cis queer femme woman partnered with a non-binary queer person. While I enjoy so many things about our five-year relationship, including the fact that people recognize me as queer when we are out together, my babe is basically misgendered wherever they go. Even by other queer people. It’s rare for them to have a validating experience when it comes to gender, especially … [Read more...]
Summer Is Not for Street Harassment — Regardless of Gender, Race, or Size
Ah, summer. Enduring six months of a freezing New England hellscape in order to re-enter the world of soft, swirling sand dunes and jeweled salty ocean waves. The perfume of sunscreen. Living in the city, battling the humidity as I take my dog to the park. Existing as a curvy, white, queer femme, cisgender woman. Feeling men’s eyes travel over my ass and my boobs as I … [Read more...]
8 Ways Non-Binary People Rock!
Those of us who have genders that leap ecstatically out of the gender binary are stellar beings that disrupt, re-define, and challenge traditional conceptions of gender identity and expression, and there are just about as many ways to express and live a non-binary gender identity as there are stars in the sky. Let's explore some of the ways that non-binary people push … [Read more...]
What It Means To Be MultiGender: The Questions Many Have, But Are Afraid To Ask
There is an infinite diversity of genders in the world. Each person has a totally unique interpretation and relationship with any gender they inhabit. There are at least as many genders as there have been humans who have lived. I say “at least” because as it turns out, a person can embody more than one gender in their lifetime. They can even embody more than one gender at … [Read more...]
