After my mother died, every supposedly joyous occasion had a pall thrown over it. Without her, it was hard to celebrate. Without her, everything felt empty. When my father-in-law lost his mother (my husband's grandmother) just a month before the holidays last year, I understood, in my own way, a bit of what he and his siblings would endure. Each time I witness someone losing a … [Read more...]
It’s Okay To Forgive, or Not: Grieving When You’re Estranged From Your Family
Not long ago, I sat with a sweet little old man who was dying. (This is a regular occurrence for me; I’m a rabbi who works in hospice.) The man’s one dying wish was simple: to speak to his teenage granddaughter on the phone in Australia before he died. His selfish daughter was too “bitter” about the past to allow this to happen, he said. His request seemed so reasonable, his … [Read more...]
“It’s Okay Not To Be Okay”: What I Learned From Sitting With My Grief
This article originally appeared in Write Away under the title "Weeping May Endure" and is reprinted here by permission. A friend of mine suffered a grave loss three years ago. When it happened, it stirred up something in me. I do not deny the beauty and compassion and generosity that course through our world, but there is also much malice and hardship and loss. We humans … [Read more...]
3 Ways to Honor 9/11 Without Being Islamophobic
The anniversary of the September 11th attacks is always a precarious time. Because this tragedy is wrapped up in nationalist sentiments, the memorializing of our national grief easily gets caught up in anti-Islamic sentiments. Grief and pain and nationalism all seem to get conflated and simplified during this time. This anniversary is often a time of heightened vigilance for … [Read more...]
3 Tips for Practicing Self-Care When Grieving
My mother was killed on August 1, 2014 while driving to her final teacher recertification class. She was about to start teaching in a new county and had to take courses in preparation for the fall school start. The person who hit her car, resulting in her hitting a beltway lane divider, was a Maryland State Police cadet. My mother was killed a week before Michael Brown. Other … [Read more...]
Thwarted Belonging and Reasons for Hope: Queer Black Trans Pain Matters
Content note: This article includes (non-graphic) discussion of a completed suicide. One of my closest friends died by suicide. The days after their death were jarring and bewildering. I carefully tried to drink water, only to involuntarily spit it up while sobbing. I tried to eat, only able to eat soup and beans. (To my horror, the hot Funyuns a friend offered made me … [Read more...]
Dear Younger Self: Reflections on Being 25, Disabled, and Learning To Love Yourself
This article originally appeared in the blog Claiming Crip and is reprinted by permission. Dear 15-year-old Karin, I can’t believe I’m 25! I’m not going to lie, when I was your age I never thought I would make it here, and I definitely never thought I might actually like myself (gasp!). Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days. There are still some things I wish I could … [Read more...]
