I grew up half Jewish and half Italian-Catholic. I made jokes about how these different identities left me mostly confused. Had Jesus risen again or not? I thought I had to choose one side rather than celebrating all the parts within myself, so I almost erased my Jewish half. I learned how to make risotto, but not matzah ball soup. Christianity is the dominant culture … [Read more...]
How Do We Really See Each Other Across Identities?: Notes From a Queer Breakup
Almost a year after separating from my partner, we had a second breakup. Our first breakup, though incredibly painful, was what I can only describe now as tender. After trying to surmount the difficulty of a nearly ten-year age difference, our romantic relationship ended upon the realization that I was not yet ready to "settle down" and wanted more time to explore life as … [Read more...]
5 Ways To Maintain Your Queer Identity in a Relationship People Read as Straight
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. In a way, there is a safety that comes with being out in public holding a boy’s hand. I’m seen as straight, feminine, the “right” sort of woman. Nobody harasses me, leering and telling me to kiss him so they can watch. Nobody calls me the d-word or threatens to “turn” me straight. As far as … [Read more...]
7 Things My Loved Ones Got Right When I Came Out as Non-Binary
I didn't have the perfect experience coming out as transgender and non-binary. Many friends and acquaintances weren't able to change their perception of me and didn't understand the new terms I was using to describe myself. As I meet new people and make new friends, I still struggle daily with coming out. But I was lucky that there were a lot of things my loved ones did right … [Read more...]
Not Your “Geisha Doll”: Why We Need To Stop Skirting Around Racist Sexual Violence
Content note: This article discusses acts of sexual violence. The fact that sexual violence is often experienced alongside racism for many people of color is almost always glossed over in discussions about sexual assault and rape. When it's mentioned at all, it's mentioned quickly, and everyone nods their head in agreement. During these conversations, most white people … [Read more...]
Not Everyone’s “Born This Way”: How I Grew Into My Middle-Aged Trans Identity
Two years ago, I came out as queer, kinky, polyamorous, and transgender, all in the space of a few months. I’m not young; I'm approaching the age bracket known as “middle age.” In fact, I worried initially that my coming out explosion was some sort of midlife crisis brought on by reading too many queer comics and following too many trans Twitter accounts. Part of me shies away … [Read more...]
This Is What It’s Like To Battle an Eating Disorder as a Trans Person
Content Note: The following article is written by two authors in separate vignettes exploring their individual narratives. Please know that if you are struggling with an eating disorder, there is help. In the US, dial the toll-free, confidential National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. You are not alone. by Teo Schlögl: I am a white non-binary trans … [Read more...]
7 Things Not To Say to a Child Wrestling With Their Sexuality
As a young person, I didn’t have any queer adult mentors to teach me about the positivity of exploring my sexual orientation, not to mention my gender identity. Most of what I learned about being LGBTIQ came from '90s mainstream media and my Gay Straight Alliance in high school. After high school, a couple of my friends eventually came out as gay. I listened and learned from … [Read more...]
4 Ways To Make Space for Non-Binary People When Discussing Eating Disorders
For the past many years, I have struggled with an eating disorder. Searching for a therapist, I have called several locations. Each time, they assumed that because of my voice I was a man and would want to be a part of their men’s services. When I corrected and explained that I'm not a man, they assumed I was a woman and would want treatment with other women. My options always … [Read more...]
How I Realized I’m Demisexual in a Sexual World
I’m demisexual. What does that mean? While asexual means that someone doesn’t feel sexual attraction at all, being demisexual means that I do not feel sexual attraction to a person unless there is a strong emotional connection. The inevitable response to this statement is generally, “But I don't think that anyone has sex unless they’re emotionally connected to the other … [Read more...]
Mixed Doesn’t Always Mean Part White: Uplifting Non-White Mixed Race Identities
Growing up queer, mixed race, and Asian in the American South, my identity often felt like an absence of any identity at all. For a long time I existed in a kind of limbo state, not having a language to describe myself. Until my early twenties, I was unaware the word “mixed race” existed, much less as a term I had the option to identify with. Because I neither knew nor saw any … [Read more...]
7 Pieces of Advice for Dating While You Are Non-Binary
Let's be real: the vast majority of dating advice is aggressively cisheteronormative. From popular magazines and dating advice books to talk shows and Bachelor Nation, we have a plethora of suggestions on how cishet, white, able-bodied, upper-middle-class folks can date each other within cishet, patriarchal structures. Fighting over the bill only to "let" the man pay, dressing … [Read more...]
Why I Refuse To Believe Being Femme Invalidates My Queerness
My femme identity is rooted in conjuring up as much softness and pleasure as I can. This world can be incredibly hard and harmful, especially for marginalized folx. Femme-embodiment is my magic of choice to help me navigate through it all. As magic as it is, my gender expression also prompts people to approach me with the “… but you look straight” comment upon "discovering" … [Read more...]
You’re Worth Loving: My Letter for Those Still in the Closet
Dear you, This letter is for you. Your In The Closet But Still Worth Loving quiet, powerful, gentle celebration. Let me tell you a story. In middle school, I was the opposite of cool. I wore colorful striped leggings. My hair was always frizzy and in a ponytail with one strand hanging down, because I thought that was neat. There was a gap between my front teeth. I didn’t hate … [Read more...]
