I’m demisexual. What does that mean? While asexual means that someone doesn’t feel sexual attraction at all, being demisexual means that I do not feel sexual attraction to a person unless there is a strong emotional connection. The inevitable response to this statement is generally, “But I don't think that anyone has sex unless they’re emotionally connected to the other … [Read more...]
Mixed Doesn’t Always Mean Part White: Uplifting Non-White Mixed Race Identities
Growing up queer, mixed race, and Asian in the American South, my identity often felt like an absence of any identity at all. For a long time I existed in a kind of limbo state, not having a language to describe myself. Until my early twenties, I was unaware the word “mixed race” existed, much less as a term I had the option to identify with. Because I neither knew nor saw any … [Read more...]
7 Pieces of Advice for Dating While You Are Non-Binary
Let's be real: the vast majority of dating advice is aggressively cisheteronormative. From popular magazines and dating advice books to talk shows and Bachelor Nation, we have a plethora of suggestions on how cishet, white, able-bodied, upper-middle-class folks can date each other within cishet, patriarchal structures. Fighting over the bill only to "let" the man pay, dressing … [Read more...]
Why I Refuse to Believe Being Femme Invalidates My Queerness
My femme identity is rooted in conjuring up as much softness and pleasure as I can. This world can be incredibly hard and harmful, especially for marginalized folx. Femme-embodiment is my magic of choice to help me navigate through it all. As magic as it is, my gender expression also prompts people to approach me with the “… but you look straight” comment upon "discovering" … [Read more...]
You’re Worth Loving: My Letter For Those Still in the Closet
Dear you, This letter is for you. Your In The Closet But Still Worth Loving quiet, powerful, gentle celebration. Let me tell you a story. In middle school, I was the opposite of cool. I wore colorful striped leggings. My hair was always frizzy and in a ponytail with one strand hanging down, because I thought that was neat. There was a gap between my front teeth. I didn’t hate … [Read more...]
Resisting Fear: What Being Jewish Means in an Age of Rising Anti-Semitism
When I was growing up, being Jewish meant to me that we ate challah on Friday nights, put on a Purim play once a year (in which I always got to play Queen Esther), and lit Hanukkah candles while the Christmas tree gleamed in the other room. I loved learning about Jewish history, reading the stories, and celebrating the holidays with all their delicious food. Synagogue was a … [Read more...]
Afro-Latino: 6 Women Open Up About Being Black And Latina
This article was originally published by Vibe.com and is republished with permission. “We got a little bit of black in us!” is what the Puerto Ricans that I grew up around in the South Bronx used to joke. The idea that blackness was something beyond skin color never made much sense back then. But the older I got, the more I realized how prevalent those African roots were in my … [Read more...]
Why I Took Off My Hijab
This article first appeared in Magdalene.co, an Indonesia-based feminist web magazine, and is reposted with permission. An increasing number of women have approached me to talk about their hijab-wearing decision lately. One person told me that she has been having thoughts about taking off her hijab as she felt that she has grown increasingly "naughty" and “bad,” because she … [Read more...]
7 Ways to Support Someone Who is Struggling with Their Gender Identity
Don’t assume you ‘know’ what their authentic gender is. Don’t assume you know what they are going through. Don’t assume anything. Listen. Listen. Listen. Open yourself. Hear. Hear. Hear. Every person’s gender journey is distinctly theirs; there are no cookie-cutter ten steps to success. Who is this person? What matters to them? How do they talk about their gender? … [Read more...]
Creating Community as a Queer, Black Muslim: An Interview with Kaamila Mohamed, Co-founder of Queer Muslims of Boston
A few years after I moved to New England, I decided that I was ready to start searching for queer Muslim community. This wasn’t something that I’d ever done before, but I was at a place in my life where I was feeling a desperate need for a spiritual and religious community where I could (potentially) be my whole self. I wanted to bring all parts of myself into a faith … [Read more...]
