Desire, oooh like fire... come on, baby, light my fire I used to lip sync for my life with these lyrics when I was a boy. I had no idea what En Vogue was referring to when they sang “Desire,” but that never stopped me from getting into the song. You could say En Vogue was my introduction to the concept of desire. I felt desire for the first time years later as a teenager. My … [Read more...]
3 Ways Comparison Detracts From Our Radical Self-Love
At a literary event one year, a student in my program was singled out by one of our professors and, with high praise, invited up to the podium to read her work. The professor in question happens to be a very prominent and much-lauded writer himself and was, in fact, the person everyone had come to hear. My fellow student -- let’s call her Rose -- is also an accomplished writer … [Read more...]
How I Came To Honor My “Too Black” Name as a Black, Queer, Fat Woman
As a Black, queer, fat woman, I’m constantly aware of how I navigate most spaces. I’m constantly determining whether I can talk about my girlfriend. I’m constantly wondering whether I can eat what and how I want. And I’m constantly aware of how I’m speaking, from my tone to the words that I’m saying. Sometimes, these concerns come from a place of determining my safety. One … [Read more...]
“I Can’t Believe She Wore That!”: What Shaming Others Reveals About Our Own Body Shame
One day at the grocery store, I saw three young people walking through the parking lot. One of the girls wore short shorts. Very short shorts. And Ugg boots. I commented -- a lot. My children were with me. I didn’t think at the time about what they processed as I ranted about how short the shorts were. How ridiculous she looked wearing Uggs in July. My own words came back to me … [Read more...]
Why I Started Intervening Early: Raising My Gay Son in a World of Toxic Masculinity
Things I have heard about having a son: “You’re lucky your son is gay. You won’t have to worry about him getting someone pregnant or treating women poorly." “It’s good you have a son because he can watch over your daughters.” “Boys are easier than girls. You don’t have to worry so much about them.” “It’s too hard a world for girls. It’s better to have sons. At least you … [Read more...]
I Don’t Owe You Beauty: On Rooting Out Internalized Oppression and Celebrating Our Radically Non-Conforming Selves
“It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful. I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.” ~Warsan Shire As an aspiring poet, the words of Warsan Shire hold a special sway over me. It’s not only her eloquence that draws me to her writing, but also the depth of her wisdom. I’ve always felt that it’s not enough … [Read more...]
Learning Not To Care What Abled Folks Think: How Internalized Ableism Affects My Body Image
I was talking with some of my disabled friends the other day about body image. One of my friends said they were always worried about looking fit because, as a wheelchair user, they feared that any extra weight would be perceived as the result of laziness and possibly part of the reason they needed the chair. Someone else mentioned that she avoided short haircuts because of the … [Read more...]
Dear Queer Black Activists: An Honest Letter About Desirability Politics Among Our Men
By: Araya Baker, Guest Writer, Co-edited by Darryl Antonio JohnsonDear Queer Black Activists, As of late, the desirability politics among a lot of same-gender-loving (SGL) and queer Black men in my social network, many of whom happen to contribute some of society’s most groundbreaking racial justice work, has felt inescapable, and as a result, my mental health has suffered. I … [Read more...]
