2020 has been a difficult, heartbreaking, and tumultuous year in so many ways. The toll COVID is taking on our communities, especially the most disenfranchised among us (disproportionately poor and working-class people of color), remains heartbreakingly gut-wrenching. Governments across the globe have violated the rights of their people repeatedly, from the ongoing police … [Read more...]
Advice for Able-Bodied People: Not All of Us Can “Take a Walk” To Feel Better
Over the last few years, I don’t think I would have made it without the internet. When I think of my reduced blueprint for living, I know it was the internet that kept me from feeling completely isolated, frustrated, and stagnant. I still did feel plenty isolated, frustrated, and stagnant, just not completely that way. I would sometimes imagine how I’d get through a pain day … [Read more...]
8 Things That Happened When I Stopped Shaving (Spoiler: Most Are Pretty Rad)
I remember growing up, I was a big fan of the TV show “That 70's Show." It had a catchy intro and featured a group of teenagers, one of them even a migrant like me! In one episode, one of the characters went ring shopping for his girlfriend. The store owner tried to help him choose a ring by putting it on and pretending to be her. However, the boyfriend was “thrown off” by the … [Read more...]
Struggling With Sexual Dysfunction in Your Marriage? You’re Not Alone
For some of us, there is no amount of self-love or body-positive work that will inspire passion and sexual chemistry in our partners. For many of us, our partners simply don’t find touching our bodies desirable and aren’t capable of manufacturing that sensation. It’s not about us, though it unquestionably has a huge impact on us. Dressing provocatively, engaging in … [Read more...]
How I Confronted My Internalized Anti-Blackness as a Queer Black Man
Desire, oooh like fire... come on, baby, light my fire I used to lip sync for my life with these lyrics when I was a boy. I had no idea what En Vogue was referring to when they sang “Desire,” but that never stopped me from getting into the song. You could say En Vogue was my introduction to the concept of desire. I felt desire for the first time years later as a teenager. My … [Read more...]
3 Pieces of Advice for Folks Considering Themselves Allies in Social Justice Movements
I have seen a lot of conversations about what the term “ally” means for social justice and radical movements. Is “ally” an identity? What role should allies play in larger discussions of oppression and resistance? Should allies have access to spaces created specifically for those who experience oppression? The goal of many of these discussions is to determine what an ally … [Read more...]
Notes From a Feminist Trans Guy on the Gendered Policing of Body Hair
“I mean, look at you, man. With that mustache you look like a real man. Everybody should want that." So said a guy to me in my bro-far-masculine-of-center gender support group. He said it as a means of establishing camaraderie and admiration. I felt shame. “Girls don’t have hairy backs,” said my nine-year-old peer at the city pool. I was wearing a light blue, shiny … [Read more...]
Why I’m Done Being a “Good” Mentally Ill Person
This article first appeared on The Establishment and is reprinted by permission. Content note: This article contains discussion of psychiatric hospitalization and briefly mentions suicidal ideation. I’m being buckled into a stretcher. Restraints are being placed around my ankles when a nurse walks by. “You don’t really have to use all the restraints,” she says to the … [Read more...]
The Strain of “Model Minority”: Addressing the Mental Health Needs of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders
Just last year, when a person very close to me admitted she was struggling with depression, my initial internal reaction was disbelief. This can’t be true, I thought. My next thought was mortification for feeling this way. Why was it that I, a socially conscious person who believes strongly in mental health advocacy, immediately felt incredulity? I had to be honest with … [Read more...]
Why Centering Disabled Women Is Crucial for Truly Intersectional Feminism
I consider myself a feminist because I believe in the core principle of feminism: for men and women to be equal. However, many of my fellow disabled people do not identify as feminists because the wider women’s rights movement has consistently excluded disabled women. Many of the gains that non-disabled women have made over the years conveniently have not reached disabled … [Read more...]
Black and Brown Solidarity Post-9/11: Why I Refuse To Engage in Respectability Politics
I used to engage in respectability politics. I was taught that, if I proved I was of "good character,” I would be accepted by white society. I learned that it was my job to convince overtly and covertly racist white people that I was okay. I needed to make myself less threatening to shift their conscious and unconscious racist views and thereby make my life better. I was … [Read more...]
Why I’m “Out” as a Person With Mental Illness
Far and away, the most frequently asked question I receive as a writer with bipolar and anxiety is, “How did you get to a place where you could be this open about your struggles?” It’s usually followed with a question like, “Aren’t you scared?” I used to be terrified. Like many folks with a mental illness, one of the first things we’re told is to keep it to ourselves. At … [Read more...]
When Silence Is Shame: Stepping Into the Light of My Abortion
This article was first published at Feministing.com under the title "Silence Equals Shame: Stepping Into the Light of My Abortion." My father called me yesterday, after stumbling upon a Facebook ad that lead him to an interview I did for the 1 in 3 Campaign. In the interview I talked for the first time very publicly about my abortion, an abortion my father never knew I … [Read more...]
9 Strategies for Everyday Radical Activism When You’re Feeling Helpless
When conscious, caring people learn about injustices in the world, one of the most commonly asked questions is, “What can I do?” I know the feeling well: the despair and helplessness that come with the yearning to fix an inequity, along with the awareness of a lack of means. The if-onlys chip away at my heart. If only I were a real activist. If only I had a platform. If only I … [Read more...]
