This is a follow-up to my previous piece entitled Ten Counterproductive Behaviors of Social Justice Educators. The latter was written for folks who consider equity work as their core life purpose. I wrote Ten Counterproductive Behaviors of Well-Intentioned People for the folks who consider themselves good people invested in social justice and conversations around equity, but … [Read more...]
An Act of Knowing: Moving Towards a Black Femme Politic
When I was a child. What age, I can’t remember. But when I was a child tends to suffice for stories like this. When I was a child, I would play dress-up with my little sister. I’m the oldest of four. Theoretically, I should have been playing with my older, decidedly more butch cousin. Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on who you ask – I was always just a tad bit too … [Read more...]
4 Things Cis Folk Are Clueless About When It Comes To Understanding Trans Folks
I appreciate all the cis people in my life who have worked hard to learn about trans issues and become better allies to me and people like me. Despite their sincerity and hard work, there are a few habits that are so deeply engrained into our culture that I notice cis people have trouble remembering to step out of them. So I put together a list of a few things I notice my cis … [Read more...]
Getting Honest About My Disordered Eating
“Disordered eating.” I think of it as something that I’ve weathered, like a storm that has pummeled my life on more than one occasion, or a wound that I’ve attempted, with varying degrees of success, to stitch on my own. I’m not the right authority to tell you what exactly disordered eating means clinically, but I can tell you what it looks like. A high school locker … [Read more...]
9 Common Mistakes Parents Make About Their Kid’s Weight
When I see someone teaching kids to hate their bodies, I’m mad. I’ve spent the bulk of my career as a therapist helping adults to let go of body shame, and I know that the roots of this dissatisfaction often starts during childhood. A recent study of 111 girls revealed that by age 5, 50% of these kids had internalized the thin ideal. Many of my clients have spent … [Read more...]
Recognizing When We Get It Wrong and Forgiving Ourselves Afterward
If you are reading this article on a site like The Body is Not An Apology, I cannot conclude anything about you with any certainty — beyond the fact that, in this moment, you have the ability to access my work. I don’t pretend to know you personally or to speak with confidence about your background or, indeed, regarding anything else about you. A major tenet of the radical … [Read more...]
Undoing the Dozens: Fighting Back Against Body Shame
“The Dozens” is a game most Black folks probably remember playing when they were younger, though some of us may have referred to it by a different name. The rules are pretty simple and straightforward. Participants take turns insulting one another, usually surrounded by a crowd to egg them on, until one or the other gives up. Jokes can touch on, and usually do, how smart you … [Read more...]
“But They Were Nice… So Why Did I Hate Dance Class?” On Being Fat and Feeling Safe
Ever since I was in senior high school, I wanted to learn how to dance. I’d done a bit of dancing as a kid, but it was not until I was about eighteen that I got truly bitten by the dancing bug. And while many of the other things I was obsessed with back then have failed to keep my interest, my enthusiasm for dancing has never wavered. I think that, more than anything, … [Read more...]
Abusing the Uncle in the Backroom: Disability in the Black Community
In my family of origin, there was no uncle and there wasn’t a backroom. However, as my grandfather aged and moved from being able bodied to disabled, he became that uncle and the backroom became a very real and horrible place. Being a caretaker to a family member who is aging or disabled can be a difficult task in the healthiest of families, but it can be done well. When the … [Read more...]
Why My Broken Body Is Worthy of Delighting In
This article first appeared on Postmodern Woman and is reprinted with permission Content Warning: For Discussion of Sexual Assault This past year has been so exhausting. Not because I was working hard (though I have been), not because I'm still in mourning (which I am), and not because I desperately miss my family and friends (which I do). No, the reason is much more insidious … [Read more...]
A Lot To Be Mad About: Unapologetic Black Anger Can Change the World for the Better
This article first appeared on AlterNet and is reprinted by permission. In it's republishing we hope to empower and discuss many valid emotions in the aftermath regarding the latest news on the "mistrial" of the police murder of Walter Scott. While Scott's specific case is not discussed, the anger, upset and processing is a place we find ourselves. At the Socialism 2015 … [Read more...]
Let’s Stop Comparing Ourselves: 6 Ways Jealousy Is Stealing Your Self-Love and How To Stop It
Comparison is corrosive. It eats away at my ability to be content and confident. It is a poison that kills the love I have for myself. Comparison is a thief of joy, and jealousy is often its partner in crime. Whether I’m comparing my body, abilities, or bank account to someone else’s, I do harm to myself if I allow that comparison to rob me of my self-satisfaction and … [Read more...]
5 Ways To Help Your Friend if They Have Been Triggered
Trigger Warning: This article discusses triggering in detail and mentions common topics of triggering (sexual assault, anxiety, health anxiety, depression, death, non-specific fears and phobias). I have been susceptible to triggering for about two and a half years. I developed health anxiety and, whenever I am exposed to things relating to death and certain … [Read more...]
The Good, the Bad, and the Weird of Being Queer and Muslim
Both of my parents converted to Islam in the early 1970s, so I was born and raised as an African-American Muslim in the US. When I was younger, my connection to Islam, spirituality, and Allah was tenuous at times. I wouldn’t understand faith and spirituality in a deep way until I left home for college. This is the way for many people who were raised in religious … [Read more...]
This Cartoon Shows Us How Ridiculous Our Ideas About Consent Really Are
This article first appeared on Everyday Feminism and is reprinted by permission. Our friends at Everyday Feminism used this awesome cartoon to illustrate the core issues with how we treat sexual consent in our society. What if we treated all consent this way? This cartoon shows us how absurd it would be. Understanding sexual consent is an essential part of radical self … [Read more...]
In Solidarity: How Non-Black Women of Color Stand Upon the Shoulders of Black Women
I am a woman of color, and I am an intersectional feminist. These terms of identity were both coined by black women. “Intersectionality theory” is a concept named by scholar and professor Kimberlé Crenshaw, first discussed in her 1989 treatise “Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex: A Black Feminist Critique of Antidiscrimination Doctrine, Feminist Theory and … [Read more...]
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