As a longtime sex coach in my mid-50s, I find myself in a constant state of speaking truth to power when it comes to sex and aging. How is hot sex after 50 different from hot sex after 40? Or 20? How is it different from hot sex in the aftermath of divorce? Or during the hottest love affair of our lives? The point is: hot sex matters. It generates and releases energy. It … [Read more...]
Thwarted Belonging and Reasons for Hope: Queer Black Trans Pain Matters
Content note: This article includes (non-graphic) discussion of a completed suicide. One of my closest friends died by suicide. The days after their death were jarring and bewildering. I carefully tried to drink water, only to involuntarily spit it up while sobbing. I tried to eat, only able to eat soup and beans. (To my horror, the hot Funyuns a friend offered made me … [Read more...]
7 Things Not to Say to a Child Wrestling With Their Sexuality
As a young person, I didn’t have any queer adult mentors to teach me about the positivity of exploring my sexual orientation, not to mention my gender identity. Most of what I learned about being LGBTIQ came from '90s mainstream media and my Gay Straight Alliance in high school. After high school, a couple of my friends eventually came out as gay. I listened and learned from … [Read more...]
3 Reasons We Need to Be Critical of Compulsory Sex Positivity in Queer Spaces
Sex positivity often acts as an implicit — or sometimes explicit — foundation of leftist, feminist, and LGBTQ+ spaces for completely valid reasons. As women and queers, sex has been the driving force behind both our oppression and the spaces we create to separate, heal, and liberate us from our oppression. Sexualized spaces for socializing predate our modern understanding of … [Read more...]
Why I Refuse to Believe Being Femme Invalidates My Queerness
My femme identity is rooted in conjuring up as much softness and pleasure as I can. This world can be incredibly hard and harmful, especially for marginalized folx. Femme-embodiment is my magic of choice to help me navigate through it all. As magic as it is, my gender expression also prompts people to approach me with the “… but you look straight” comment upon "discovering" … [Read more...]
5 Ways Mexican Queerness Is a Radical Act Against Colonialism and Machismo
I am a queer non-binary person. The labels I use to describe this queerness are always changing and hardly ever stay static, but I am undoubtedly queer. I also come from a Mexican household. Both of my parents were born in the state of Jalisco and migrated to the United States when they were a young newlywed couple. I exist in the intersection of these identities as a queer … [Read more...]
Why I’m “Out” as a Person with Mental Illness
Far and away, the most frequently asked question I receive as a writer with bipolar and anxiety is, “How did you get to a place where you could be this open about your struggles?” It’s usually followed with a question like, “Aren’t you scared?” I used to be terrified. Like many folks with a mental illness, one of the first things we’re told is to keep it to ourselves. At … [Read more...]
Why I Refuse To Leave the South as a Queer Black Person
I was born and raised in the Southeast -- rural Georgia, to be precise. I like my teas to be sweet, biscuits with cane syrup, hearts to be blessed, and summers that are hot. Not a day goes by that I don’t say "y’all." I spent many days as a child walking around barefoot in the grass. It’s a regular practice for me to smile at strangers and ask them “how you doing?” All of these … [Read more...]
Religious Freedom: Are You Actually Propagating Prejudice With Your “Beliefs”?
I am a Christian. Simply put, I believe in God, Jesus, and the veracity of the Bible. I also love science. I do not think those two things are mutually exclusive. You may disagree. That’s fine with me. I am deeply troubled by what certain Christians are saying. I hereby declare that they don’t communicate for me. I do not presume to speak for anyone other than myself, but I … [Read more...]
4 Ways to Fight the Whitewashing of Pride
It’s Pride season! For us queer folks it can be a fun time to be extra gay and loud about it and go to parades. However, we can’t forget that the first Pride was a riot and this holiday would not have happened without Marsha P. Johnson, a Black bisexual disabled trans sex worker. Even with the history being well known at this point, many communities’ Prides are incredibly … [Read more...]
You’re Worth Loving: My Letter For Those Still in the Closet
Dear you, This letter is for you. Your In The Closet But Still Worth Loving quiet, powerful, gentle celebration. Let me tell you a story. In middle school, I was the opposite of cool. I wore colorful striped leggings. My hair was always frizzy and in a ponytail with one strand hanging down, because I thought that was neat. There was a gap between my front teeth. I didn’t hate … [Read more...]
7 Cosas Ridículas que no hay que decir a gente Bisexual
A lo largo de los años he sido objeto de muchas observaciones bifóbicas. La bifobia no es solo una expresión específica de homofobia para las personas que son “parcialmente” gays. La bifobia viene de la comunidad queer y heterosexual, y en mi experiencia, es una expresión del pensamiento y/o binario que puede ser muy destructivo para nuestro mundo en muchas maneras. Las que … [Read more...]
Cuando Se Trata A Los Amigos Como Amantes: La Politica Del Deseo
A menudo cuando el deseo aparece en las conversaciones, esta queda reducida a una experiencia personal o se refiere a la frecuencia con las que se tiene sexo, o con cuantas parejas sexuales, lo que es, desde luego, parte de la conversación pero no “la conversación”. Esto provoca un modo sencillo de clausurar el tema y de evitar que puedan aparecer otros aspectos no tan … [Read more...]
Let’s Stop Acting as if Queers Need to Look a Certain Way to be Queer
In my city, there’s a monthly queer-women-and-company dance event called Flannel Takeover. It’s supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek reference to the visuals of being a queer woman: someone who wears lots of flannel. Line up, ladies and trans gents and non-binary folks! Grab a beer, don your snapback, aaand let’s perpetuate the lazy stereotype that queer woman equals masculine. A … [Read more...]
