The day after the Pulse Nightclub Massacre, I got married. The timing was random coincidence. A mess of circumstances had surprised us just the week prior, and we realized that Monday, June 13th was the only day that our ideal wedding would be possible. So in five short days, we planned our wedding. No one knew we were about to get married. When we broke the news late on … [Read more...]
The Urge to Hide: Is it Shame or Self-Preservation?
There are many things about me that are not obvious simply from looking. I am queer. I am asexual. I am polyamorous. I am non-binary. I am mentally ill/neurodivergent. What do all these things have in common? They are things that people tend to assume I am not, until I tell them otherwise. The fact that these parts of me are invisible gives me the ability to move through … [Read more...]
Ally Etiquette 101: Never Feel Entitled to Anything
I have seen a lot of conversations recently about what the term “ally” means to social justice and radical movements. Is “ally” an identity? What role should allies play in larger discussions of oppression and resistance? Should allies have access to spaces created specifically for those who experience oppression? The goal of many of these discussions is to determine what an … [Read more...]
All That I Did Not Know: Supporting My Transgender Kid
In 2012, my kid West came out as genderqueer and now identifies as non-binary. Although assigned a gender of female at birth, West does not fit inside binary gender categories and uses the pronouns they, their, and them. For West, gender is fluid; sometimes, they move between male and female, and at other times, they are outside the binary altogether. My reactions to West … [Read more...]
Why I’m “Out” as a Person with Mental Illness
Far and away, the most frequently asked question I receive as a writer with bipolar and anxiety is, “How did you get to a place where you could be this open about your struggles?” It’s usually followed with a question like, “Aren’t you scared?” I used to be terrified. Like many folks with a mental illness, one of the first things we’re told is to keep it to ourselves. At … [Read more...]
An Act of Knowing: Moving Towards a Black Femme Politic
When I was a child. What age, I can’t remember. But when I was a child tends to suffice for stories like this. When I was a child, I would play dress-up with my little sister. I’m the oldest of four. Theoretically, I should have been playing with my older, decidedly more butch cousin. Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on who you ask – I was always just a tad bit too … [Read more...]
Transicionar como persona no binaria
[Descripción de imagen: dos fotos, una al lado de la otra, de le autore de cintura para abajo. Elle está de pie. Es una persona joven, delgada y blanca. En la foto de la izquierda está vistiendo camisa de cuadros con rayas azules, moradas y grises, un reloj verde, vaqueros negros, y zapatos con formas azules, moradas y grises. En la foto de la derecha lleva un vestido rosa con … [Read more...]
Esta es la justicia de la discapacidad
Poco después de mudarme a San Francisco hace ocho años, me presentaron a los artistas/activistas radicales, Leroy Moore y Patty Berne, y el proyecto que fundaron, Pecados Nulos. Recientemente me habían concedido beneficios federales por discapacidad, y aunque tenía una discapacidad de toda la vida y había sido activista desde que era adolescente —e incluso aunque me … [Read more...]
These 25 Examples of Male Privilege from a Trans Guy’s Perspective Really Prove the Point
This article originally appeared on Everyday Feminism and is reprinted by permission. Quite a bit changed for me over the first couple of years I started testosterone. My health and mental wellbeing improved, my happy button grew over an inch in length, my natural musk became so fragrant that now I gross even myself out if I don’t shower pretty much every day … [Read more...]
Girlfriend versus Girl Friend: How Queer Identity Changes the Impact of Words
As I continue to settle into a queer identity, certain words and their meanings seem to do the exact opposite of settling in. They don't sit still. Words I've never been comfortable using have become part of my regular vocabulary, and words that have never really affected me before suddenly have an unpleasant edge. Like other people, my relationship with words is very much a … [Read more...]
Sex At Every Size!
In my Sexuality Studies Master’s program at San Francisco State University, I struggled for a while trying to come up with a way to connect my interest in the Fat Acceptance movement and in the field of Fat Studies to the realm of sexuality. While trying to solidify my thesis topic at the intersection of Sex and Fat, I decided to play around with a popular Fat Studies concept … [Read more...]
What You’re Really Saying When You Misgender
“This is Miss Joli, and he'll be substituting for Miss Alison today,” says an elementary school teacher to her class, as I stand in the back of the room in a solid color blouse, patterned skirt, black leggings, and ankle boots. “Excuse me, sir, I'd like to order now,” says a customer to my girlfriend as she works her barista job, wearing a floral print dress, striped knee … [Read more...]
Transitioning While Nonbinary
Many people have asked the question, how can you transition if you’re not male or female? What are you transitioning to? The answer is different for every non-binary person. I know some people who have started hormones or had different surgeries. I know some people who started dressing differently. I know some people for whom the only transition they needed was to … [Read more...]
Invisibility is Violence: 4 Things Everyone Should Know About Eating Disorders and Marginalized Communities
We believe that there must be space to tell the story of EVERY body and we are grateful to those who have shared their stories with us, so that we might share them with you. If you are struggling with an eating disorder, there is help. Toll free, confidential Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. You are not alone. I was 20 years old when I decided to tell my mom that I had … [Read more...]
