Every day, I have to make the decision about whether or not to come out as transgender. There's a good reason why so much of my friend group is composed of trans people. I don't have to explain myself to them, I don't have to worry whether they are seeing me as I truly am, and I don't have to worry about any unintended microaggressions they might say relating to my gender. … [Read more...]
Who is the Body Positivity Movement Leaving Behind?
Over the past few weeks, Ashley Graham and Tess Holliday have been featured in many headlines. Ashley Graham is the first plus-sized model to be featured in an ad in Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Edition. Tess Holliday, who is known for her viral #effyourbeautystandards campaign, is the first plus-sized model of her size to be signed to a major modeling agency. While both … [Read more...]
Ain’t We Femme?
This post is dedicated to all of the femmes! When I was a child, Easter was my favorite time of year. Every year, my mom always got me an Easter basket full of goodies. At church, we got to recite our Easter speeches in front of the whole congregation. And after the sermon, they would host an Easter egg hunt for the young folks. They even had a golden egg with money … [Read more...]
Ten Counterproductive Behaviors of Well-Intentioned People
This is a follow-up to my previous piece entitled Ten Counterproductive Behaviors of Social Justice Educators. The latter was written for folks who consider equity work as their core life purpose. I wrote Ten Counterproductive Behaviors of Well-Intentioned People for the folks who consider themselves good people invested in social justice and conversations around … [Read more...]
Transitioning While Nonbinary
Many people have asked the question, how can you transition if you’re not male or female? What are you transitioning to? The answer is different for every non-binary person. I know some people who have started hormones or had different surgeries. I know some people who started dressing differently. I know some people for whom the only transition they needed was to … [Read more...]
An Act of Knowing: Moving Towards a Black Femme Politic
When I was a child. What age, I can’t remember. But when I was a child tends to suffice for stories like this. When I was a child, I would play dress-up with my little sister. I’m the oldest of four. Theoretically, I should have been playing with my older, decidedly more butch cousin. Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on who you ask – I was always just a tad bit too … [Read more...]
The 2018 Midterm Elections Showed: The Future is Women of Color
The recent US congressional midterm elections were a resounding success when it came to electing candidates better representing the country’s remarkable diversity based on gender, race, class, sexuality, and religion. Despite the very real problems of gerrymandering, voter suppression, and outright lying by the Republican party (part of their reactionary strategy to respond to … [Read more...]
All That I Did Not Know: Supporting My Transgender Kid
In 2012, my kid West came out as genderqueer and now identifies as non-binary. Although assigned a gender of female at birth, West does not fit inside binary gender categories and uses the pronouns they, their, and them. For West, gender is fluid; sometimes, they move between male and female, and at other times, they are outside the binary altogether. My reactions to West … [Read more...]
Everything My Loved Ones Got RIGHT When I Came Out
I didn't have the perfect experience coming out as transgender and non-binary. Many friends and acquaintances weren't able to change their perception of me and didn't understand the new terms I was using to describe myself. As I meet new people and make new friends, I still struggle daily with coming out. But I was lucky that there were a lot of things my loved ones did right … [Read more...]
Dating While Trans: From Victim to Partner
[Content warning: Sexually explicit language] I’ve written quite extensively about my experience of dating cis people while trans — specifically, while being a female-assigned-at-birth boy, with a vulva, who is sexually and romantically attracted to men. I’ve tried on and tolerated several labels for who I am: gay trans man, trans fag, and during my more desperate, crude … [Read more...]
An Updated Birth Announcement, 22 Years Later For My Transgender Kid
In August of 1992, when I was five months pregnant, I went in for my sonogram and asked to be told the gender of my baby. The technician looked at the image and said, "It's a girl!" [Image description: The photograph shows a sonogram image of a baby at five months' gestation. The image is blurry, in black and white, and in a triangular shape against a black background … [Read more...]
Visibility and Vulnerability as a Trans Woman
On March 31, throughout the world and across the Internet, people observed the Transgender Day of Visibility (TDoV). I found myself, as I have in previous years, feeling ambivalent about this event. Because honestly? For many trans women, visibility is exactly the problem: It is involuntary, and it leaves us vulnerable to both physical and social violence. We get mocked, … [Read more...]
These 25 Examples of Male Privilege from a Trans Guy’s Perspective Really Prove the Point
This article originally appeared on Everyday Feminism and is reprinted by permission. Quite a bit changed for me over the first couple of years I started testosterone. My health and mental wellbeing improved, my happy button grew over an inch in length, my natural musk became so fragrant that now I gross even myself out if I don’t shower pretty much every day … [Read more...]
Girlfriend versus Girl Friend: How Queer Identity Changes the Impact of Words
As I continue to settle into a queer identity, certain words and their meanings seem to do the exact opposite of settling in. They don't sit still. Words I've never been comfortable using have become part of my regular vocabulary, and words that have never really affected me before suddenly have an unpleasant edge. Like other people, my relationship with words is very much a … [Read more...]
