About a month ago, one of my sisters tagged me in a video she recorded of Family Feud, a game show where two families compete for a cash prize by trying to find the most popular answers to a variety of questions. On the episode she recorded, host and comedian Steve Harvey asks the contestants to answer a rather loaded statement: “Name a reason a woman might decide to be with a … [Read more...]
Fellow White Women: We Learned To Be Complicit With Oppression — Now We Must Become Brave
This article was originally published on louisaleontiades.com as "The Cowardice of White Women: Learning to Resist" and is republished with permission. Some questions you don’t expect to have to ask in your lifetime, let alone answer. But with the rise of Trumpian fascism, a question has consistently rattled around my white woman’s brain: At what point would I put my own life … [Read more...]
3 Ways My Parents Unintentionally Taught Me My Consent Didn’t Matter
I’m writing this piece anonymously because my mother frequently Googles me – types my name into a search bar to find all I’ve been up to splashed across her screen. I think she does this just so she can send my articles to her coworkers to show them how proud of me she is. I’m writing this anonymously because sometimes, in an article, I’ll reference something she said to me, … [Read more...]
Stop Hurting Women: We Belong to Ourselves Despite Violent Male Entitlement
[Content note: descriptions of violence, gendered violence, rape, physical assault, sexual assault, death] Mary “Unique” Spears, a mother of three, was shot on the streets for rejecting a man’s advances. April Sams was thrown over a six-story parking structure by a male co-worker whose unwanted advances she had refused. Maren Sanchez was stabbed in her high school hallway … [Read more...]
50 Ways People Expect Constant Emotional Labor From Women and Femmes
This article was originally published by EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. The work of women and femmes is traditionally undervalued – we get paid less in nearly all professions. But there’s another type of work we’re often expected to do for no pay at all: emotional labor. Emotional labor is the exertion of energy for the purpose of addressing people’s … [Read more...]
Calling Fellow Cis Men: Why We Can’t Stay Silent About Reproductive Justice
I have never made it a secret that for a lengthy period of time in my life, I identified as pro-life. For a time, it was a decision related to the Catholic faith I was raised in. Later, even after leaving Catholicism behind, I maintained my position on something resembling a well-meaning but simplistic ethical basis. I say this with no hint of pride or irony: when I was … [Read more...]
4 Ways Men Can Take On More Emotional Labor in Relationships (And Why We Should)
Relationships, by definition, require two or more parties to put forth some amount of emotional effort in order to keep the relationship afloat. Oftentimes one person takes on the brunt of the emotions—especially the negative or stressful emotions—that are produced in their relationships. This collective emotional give-and-take is called emotional labor; it’s the work and … [Read more...]
25 Ways I Was Granted White Male Privilege After I Transitioned – And Why ALL Men Must Speak Up Against Sexism
This article originally appeared on Everyday Feminism under the title "These 25 Examples of Male Privilege from a Trans Guy's Perspective Really Prove the Point" and is reprinted by permission. Quite a bit changed for me over the first couple of years I started testosterone. My health and mental well-being improved, my "happy button" grew over an inch in length, my natural musk … [Read more...]
Carving Out My Own Masculinity as a Disabled Trans Man
When I was in the Job Corps and had to choose a trade to learn, I chose the one that most of the male students and the masculine-identified AFAB (assigned female at birth) ones did: construction. It was, to the sensibilities of a bunch of working-class 16-to-24-year-olds, the only trade offered that was macho enough. And I sucked at it. I was clumsy. Motor coordination and … [Read more...]
5 Common Behaviors Cis Men May Not Realize Are Abusive (And How To Stop Them)
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminsim.com and is republished with permission. I recently attended a presentation by Tony Porter, founder of A Call to Men. After watching his TED Talk, I was incredibly excited to see him speak because of how he demands of men that we consider the ways that all of us can act in abusive and violent ways. Seeing him in person, … [Read more...]
Women Don’t Need To Say “I’m Sorry” Less — Men Need To Say It More
Many purportedly feminist articles, memes, and other “self-help” that tells people what to do have been urging women to “Apologize Less!” or “Stop Saying Sorry”. The advice comes from the idea that women should not apologize for things that are not their fault and should be more like men and take up space without worrying about what other people think. Fuck that. Women Don’t … [Read more...]
8 Ways Men Can Get More Honest About Body Shame
No matter what gender or size you are, everyone has the potential to feel the effects of body shame. Although men, especially cis men, are typically less likely to admit that they feel ashamed of their bodies, that doesn’t mean such feelings don’t occur. It may not be displayed in very explicit ways, such as in the form of mental illness or eating disorders, but there is no … [Read more...]
What Went Wrong With Men That 12 Million Women Said #MeToo?
This article originally appeared in yes! magazine and is reprinted by permission from the writer. The massive outpouring of women saying #MeToo is both heartbreaking in its scope and encouraging in the bravery and solidarity it shows—12 million uses of #MeToo on social media in the first 24 hours, according to various reports. Commentators are rightly saying we need to … [Read more...]
Beware These 10 Types of Feminist Men
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. Never is a man so potentially dangerous to a female-read person as when he claims to be a feminist. But this is not an opinion that will endear you to many feminists, even other women. “How can you alienate your own allies?” they say. “How perfect do you really expect them to … [Read more...]
