Mi hermano es trabajador de la industria de servicios. Trabaja en un restaurante de comida rápida y hace todo tipo de tareas, desde recibir pedidos de clientes testarudos que piden cosas que no están en el menú hasta limpiar los enchastres que la gente deja en sus mesas al retirarse, limpiar baños y sacar la basura con un enjambre de moscas zumbándole en la cara. Todo por diez … [Read more...]
Advice for Able-Bodied People: Not All of Us Can “Take a Walk” To Feel Better
Over the last few years, I don’t think I would have made it without the internet. When I think of my reduced blueprint for living, I know it was the internet that kept me from feeling completely isolated, frustrated, and stagnant. I still did feel plenty isolated, frustrated, and stagnant, just not completely that way. I would sometimes imagine how I’d get through a pain day … [Read more...]
7 Ways Non-Black People of Color Perpetuate Anti-Blackness
It's well-known that the common enemy among communities of color is white supremacy. Due to the wide-reaching impacts of institutionalized white supremacy, many communities of color fail to examine their own problematic behavior towards each other, especially towards the Black community. With that in mind, it's important to better understand how anti-Blackness functions even … [Read more...]
Fantasy or Disrespect?: 7 Halloween Costume Pitfalls to Avoid
Halloween is eagerly anticipated by many. It's an opportunity to eat candy, dress up, and revel in nerdy pastimes or scary movies. Yet all too often, enjoying Halloween is a privilege experienced by people who don't have their identity infringed on by well-meaning, ignorant, or outright hateful celebrants. This is not only a problem with individuals, but with industry; with … [Read more...]
“This Isn’t Working”: How I Learned To Find the Best Therapist for Me
Content note: This article contains references to incest, childhood sexual abuse, and suicidal ideation. Admitting you need therapy can be hard. Finding a therapist can be very tough. Finding a good culturally competent therapist can be downright daunting. I was first put into therapy when I was ten years old. My mother, who has borderline personality disorder, was able to … [Read more...]
Rethinking Beauty, Ableism, and My Own Self-Loathing: What Raising My Disabled Daughter Teaches Me
“Mama, a little girl said Jude has an ugly face,” my six-year-old told me tearfully. Tears stung my own eyes as I lead us through the lobby to the van. Looking down at my youngest daughter, Jude, who has Down syndrome, I felt my chest contract. You know these things are coming, but still, when they arrive? It feels like it’s with the force of a trailer truck. And I knew that … [Read more...]
How I Came To Honor My “Too Black” Name as a Black, Queer, Fat Woman
As a Black, queer, fat woman, I’m constantly aware of how I navigate most spaces. I’m constantly determining whether I can talk about my girlfriend. I’m constantly wondering whether I can eat what and how I want. And I’m constantly aware of how I’m speaking, from my tone to the words that I’m saying. Sometimes, these concerns come from a place of determining my safety. One … [Read more...]
7 Microaggressions Trans People Face in Health and Mental Healthcare Settings
Note: This piece first appeared on the website Lighthouse and is reprinted here by permission. Lighthouse is a startup that matches LGBTQ people with nearby LGBTQ-affirming therapists and doctors. We asked a gender-nonconforming therapist how healthcare providers can become trans-competent and avoid unintentionally harming patients. Whether in an emergency room, a therapy … [Read more...]
Mixed-Race, Non-Binary, Queer Fat Femme: How I Fail and Succeed in Finding Liberation
I am a Black, mixed-race, fat, queer, non-binary person. Most saliently, I am femme. I have come to understand radical femmeness, femme magic, femme community, femme love, and femme power through my relationships with other womxn and femmes of color. While femme communities evoke safeness and security for me, they also often exist on the basis of trauma. Femininity leaves us … [Read more...]
10 Defensive Reactions to White Privilege That Make No Damn Sense – But Are Super Common
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism and is reprinted by permission. I know it probably makes me a weirdo to want to talk about white privilege so much, but I actually enjoy conversations on this topic – even with people who disagree with me. Sure, these conversations can get heated, uncomfortable, and downright aggravating. But they’re also necessary in order … [Read more...]
How I Navigate Talking to Kids About My Gender as a Trans Parent and Educator
Children are a distinct, purposeful focus in my life. I'm the parent of a brilliant six-year-old and have many close friends with delightful kids as well. I work as a substitute para-educator, a job that sends me to a plethora of classrooms, K-12, throughout my city. I'm also a transgender woman. People often connect children with trans issues, but outside the occasional … [Read more...]
6 Comments That Gaslight People in Conversations About Social Justice
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism and is republished with permission. It can take courage to talk about how social injustice has affected you – and that makes it all the worse when you open up about it and people try to shut you down. Most people who have spoken out about sexism, racism, or other societal problems will be familiar with at least one of … [Read more...]
Talking to My Asian Immigrant Family About Anti-Asian Racism
It took twenty-three years and living a continent away before I was finally able to talk to my parents directly about anti-Asian racism in the United States. It wasn’t that we had never spoken about discrimination or microaggressions before. It was just that it was mostly about non-Asian people of color — and often, the Asian community was the perpetrator. My siblings and I … [Read more...]
Black and Brown Solidarity Post-9/11: Why I Refuse To Engage in Respectability Politics
I used to engage in respectability politics. I was taught that, if I proved I was of "good character,” I would be accepted by white society. I learned that it was my job to convince overtly and covertly racist white people that I was okay. I needed to make myself less threatening to shift their conscious and unconscious racist views and thereby make my life better. I was … [Read more...]
