Content note: This article contains discussions of rape and physical, childhood, and sexual abuse. In 2016, on a radical feminist Facebook page for survivors of abuse, someone posted the question, “Do you identity as a victim or survivor?” As the thread progressed over the following weeks, people provided very heartfelt and nuanced responses. The discussion came up at a time … [Read more...]
6 Ways My Parents Unintentionally Taught Me Disordered Eating
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. Content Note: This article contains discussion of eating disorders, including descriptions of restriction practices and family diets. There’s only one time in my life I ever remember seeing my dad cry. It wasn’t at his mother’s funeral or his father’s, though I knew he was sad … [Read more...]
When You Call Me Skinny (Hint: It’s Not a Compliment)
Content note: This article contains extended discussion of familial fat-shaming, attempted weight loss, dieting, and eating disorders. In a radical self-love webinar I took with TBINAA founder Sonya Renee Taylor, she asked participants to recall their first memory of body shame. Everyone had one. I went blank. I had none. The truth was, I had far too many. My entire life … [Read more...]
You’re Not Responsible: How To Unlearn the Guilt Inflicted By Parental Abuse
Content note: This article discusses sexual, physical, and emotional abuse at length. Victims of childhood abuse, rape survivors, and victims of domestic abuse are really good at one thing: feeling guilty. We can feel guilty about everything, particularly things that aren’t our responsibility. Survivors are taught to feel responsible for the actions of perpetrators and, as a … [Read more...]
4 Tools I Use To Replace Self-Harm with Radical Self-Love
Content note: This article contains in-depth descriptions of self-harm and discussions of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. The first time I saw the film American Beauty, one scene stood out to me. Annette Bening stood in the living room of a home she was trying to sell. She assertively closed the vertical blinds, turned around, and started to cry. She then slapped her … [Read more...]
“This Isn’t Working”: How I Learned To Find the Best Therapist for Me
Content note: This article contains references to incest, childhood sexual abuse, and suicidal ideation. Admitting you need therapy can be hard. Finding a therapist can be very tough. Finding a good culturally competent therapist can be downright daunting. I was first put into therapy when I was ten years old. My mother, who has borderline personality disorder, was able to … [Read more...]
7 Things My Unruly, Curly Hair Taught Me About Being Unapologetically Latinx
Growing up, people would always asked me about my hair, about my skin, about my eyes, about my mother, about my grandmother. Anti-blackness would prompt these questions to become inquiries, attempting to trace back lineage beyond dialogue, and into imaginary stories that may have been true or may have not. In their eyes, my hair symbolized something foreign, something … [Read more...]
Desentramar las capas: Sobrevivir al abuso emocional infantil
Advertencia de contenido: Este artículo utiliza el termino incesto emocional, discute el abuso emocional infantil y las relaciones parentales nocivas. La primera vez que mi terapeuta mencionó el termino incesto emocional me agarró desprevenida. El termino en si genera una reacción de rechazo inmenso. Me anotó la información de un libro para que lo buscara cuando estuviese … [Read more...]
From My Abusive Mother to White Supremacy’s Violence: There Is Danger in Premature Forgiveness
(Content note: This article contains descriptions of anti-Black white terrorism, including a racist slur.) When my mother was stalking me, she had a man assisting her in her efforts. Prior to me getting a restraining order against her, he called several times saying, “You need to forgive your mother.” My mother has never admitted any brutality or abuse against me. She has … [Read more...]
How My Mother Taught Me the Magic of Loving My Little Person Reflection
Dear Mom, On November 17, 2005 you passed away. You were the only little person in your family, one of nine children eight of which had the Cecil trademark of red hair, green eyes and freckles. You had me at 24, and I came out the same way. I must admit, I never thought about what a miracle that was until 35 years later, I had my own daughter, Kaya Rose. No red hair, no green … [Read more...]
Surviving Crisis: How To Make It Through When Everything Falls Apart
As 2012 rolled into 2013, the following three things happened in the span of one and a half months: The girl I thought I’d one day marry very suddenly told me she didn’t want to be with me anymore. I went on anti-anxiety meds, which made me feel like I had the flu, and when I tried to go off them, I ended up in the emergency room. My mother’s breast cancer came back … [Read more...]
