I was 11 when I learnt all about stretch marks. That they mean you are fat, and these marks will be there for everyone to know you are a fat person. My mum was looking at the marks on my arms, quite worried about some sort of strange rash I might have. At school I showed my "strange" marks to a friend. She calmly told me that they're just stretch marks, something you get if … [Read more...]
How I Survived a Spanking Household
Content note: This article contains descriptions of domestic violence and traumatic assault. When my ex-spouse and I were dating, we had the the usual getting-to-know-each-other talks — with a deeper dimension, since we had known each other as kids and had reconnected as adults. As we delved deeply into our personal histories, each providing individual perspectives on our … [Read more...]
Desentramar las capas: Sobrevivir al abuso emocional infantil
Advertencia de contenido: Este artículo utiliza el termino incesto emocional, discute el abuso emocional infantil y las relaciones parentales nocivas. La primera vez que mi terapeuta mencionó el termino incesto emocional me agarró desprevenida. El termino en si genera una reacción de rechazo inmenso. Me anotó la información de un libro para que lo buscara cuando estuviese … [Read more...]
First and Foremost a Person: Finding Yourself Again as a Single Mother
Loving myself as a single parent has been a topic that has been on my mind for some time. I’m quite sure that there are many other single mothers who feel as I do, but who don’t feel comfortable articulating how they feel for fear they will be judged. How dare a single mother, who is supposed to be self-sacrificing, feel that at some point in her life she should come first? … [Read more...]
6 Lessons To Learn From Fathers of Color This Fathers’ Day
As I reflect on my father this Fathers' Day, I'm reminded of how I used to teach writing for freshmen at a community college. One of my regular reader-response assignments included an essay by San Francisco journalist Rose del Castillo Guilbault about how the word “macho” carries different interpretations depending on culture. She argues that to Americans, "macho" is a negative … [Read more...]
Healing the Wounds of Growing Up in a Fat-Shaming Family
In the immortal words of Brianna in the classic film Bring It On: All or Nothing, "I've always had a big ass. It runs in my family. We're a big-assed family." My family never used to do “thin” well. My father hovered between “normal” and “more to love,” my mother had a substantially emphasised hourglass shape, and both of my younger brothers were noticeably chubby. As for me? … [Read more...]
How My Mother Taught Me the Magic of Loving My Little Person Reflection
Dear Mom, On November 17, 2005 you passed away. You were the only little person in your family, one of nine children eight of which had the Cecil trademark of red hair, green eyes and freckles. You had me at 24, and I came out the same way. I must admit, I never thought about what a miracle that was until 35 years later, I had my own daughter, Kaya Rose. No red hair, no green … [Read more...]
Intergenerational Trauma: Indigenous Resilience in the Face of Abuse
This article was originally published on Residential School Magazine under its original title "Let Me Tell You About Inter-Generational Trauma" and is republished with permission. **Content note: this article contains discussions of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse and violence as well as suicide.** My grandmother was placed in residential school at the age of 6. For … [Read more...]
Why We Need To Stop Shaming Teen Parents
In recent years, teen pregnancy in the US has been at an all -time low. From 2012 to 2013, teen birth rates decreased among 15–19 year olds by 9% for non-Hispanic whites and 11% for non-Hispanic blacks. If there are fewer teenage pregnancies, why is it that so many people still make it such a shameful thing to be pregnant as a teenager? I’ve heard people say that teenagers back … [Read more...]
Por favor, no sexualices a mi hija: Aprendiendo el equilibrio entre libertad y ser “buenos” padres
Cuando mi hija, P, empezó a ir a una pequeña “unschool” (*no existe este término en español, adjunto link para saber más de este movimiento), no solo descubrió una educación alegre, sino también la alegría de un pelo pintado. Los unschoolers creen que los niños aprenden mejor cuando escogen lo que aprenden y cómo aprenden dichas lecciones. No fue una sorpresa encontrar niños a … [Read more...]
6 Ways To Talk to Your Kid About Suicide
1. Say something. Say anything. It becomes a question of tactics and we arrive at, “Just say something.” Because something is better than nothing when nothing may stretch to infinity. I ask my child, “How are you doing?” “Meh.” At least they are still here. Anger is better than death. Sadness is better than death. Fighting is better than death. Crying is … [Read more...]
The Greatest Gift My Parents Ever Gave Me: Allow Yourself To Be Selfish
When my brother and I were growing up, we developed a lie that we sustained until adulthood. We pretended to not want things. When we went to Wal-Mart or Fred Meyer’s, we averted our eyes from the aisles of toys and books and electronics. When we were caught staring too long, too longingly, at anything, our father would immediately grab it and eagerly ask, “Do you want … [Read more...]
7 Reasons Why You Should Never Force Your Child To Hug Anyone
This article originally appeared on Everyday Feminism and is reprinted by permission. (Content Warnings: incest, rape, and sexual violence) Two of my good friends had their first baby late this past year. From the get-go, Baby was a cuddly little girl. (Or, as her two moms say, “We assume she’s a girl, but we won’t know for sure until she tells us herself.”) She was all … [Read more...]
Hugs Not Required: Respecting Children’s Bodies and Boundaries
The Body is Not an Apology promotes radical self love and body empowerment. If we are to truly advocate for these values, then we need to not only do this work for ourselves as adults, but do it for children as well. We adults struggle with these issues mainly because of the culture we were raised in and how the adults in our childhood treated us. Knowing this, I believe we … [Read more...]
