As parents, there are so many things that we need to help our kids learn. I think every parent or guardian has had a similar experience of the first time their toddler saw someone with a visible disability. Maybe the child saw a person in a wheelchair, or someone with dwarfism, and they pointed and stared. Perhaps the child said loudly, “Look! What is wrong with that person?” … [Read more...]
Becoming a Woman On My Own Terms
I am not sure when my ideas about womanhood wrote themselves on my being. Likely it began when I was young, born in the sermons of the Pentecostal church my family attended: “Make up is not a sin,” one pastor told us, “But you want to paint the barn not decorate it.” In those moments, I learned that women were not only objects to these men but objects meant to look pretty but … [Read more...]
How Do We Create Consent Culture With Our Children?
As many cis het white women know right now, it is a time for us to learn everything we have been doing wrong and make amends. But whilst many claim to love learning, discussions of race are hampered because it means confronting our own failings and actively choosing to be vulnerable to the rage of those we have unwittingly oppressed or abused, even if our crime has 'simply' … [Read more...]
Lovingkindness: How To Deal With Parenting Mistakes
In the ten years of raising my son, I have made a lot of parenting mistakes. These missteps range from small things, such as not knowing my son’s school schedule and missing school events, to bigger things, like being so depressed that I cannot even get him to school some days. I could write about any number of my parenting mistakes, but by far, the biggest mistake I make is … [Read more...]
6 Ways NOT To Nurture Neurodivergent Kids
Neurodivergence is something we all are learning and understanding more about all the time – both those of us who are neurodivergent ourselves, and the parents, teachers, caregivers, and advocates who (hopefully) are working to support and help us. Because the terminology and the understanding of how we tick (and in my case, tic) are always changing, I get that it can be hard … [Read more...]
7 Self-Care Tips for Parents of Young Kids
This article was originally published on Ravishly.com and is republished with permission. Feeling guilty won’t help your kids, but it sure will fuck you up. It started when my wife saw an old Facebook post of hers, one which equated sleeping in with self-care, saying something to the effect of, “wow sleeping 12 hours was exactly what I needed!” It was 5 … [Read more...]
7 Things You Learn Raising Kids in an Open Relationship
"Have you thought about how a polyamorous relationship works with kids?" my colleague asked as I suppressed a smile. I've written a book about it, I was tempted to say. Do they sense any instability? I've spent hours at a time analysing their actions and reactions. Are they at more risk from bullying due to the unconventional nature of their parents' relationship? We've … [Read more...]
An Updated Birth Announcement, 22 Years Later for My Transgender Kid
In August of 1992, when I was five months pregnant, I went in for my sonogram and asked to be told the gender of my baby. The technician looked at the image and said, "It's a girl!" [Image description: The photograph shows a sonogram image of a baby at five months' gestation. The image is blurry, in black and white, and in a triangular shape against a black background … [Read more...]
Please Don’t Sexualize My Daughter: Balancing “Good” Parenting With My Child’s Freedom
When my daughter, P, started to attended a small “unschool”, she discovered not only a joyous education but also the joy of colored hair. Unschoolers believe that children learn better when they pick what they learn and how to learn said subjects. It wasn’t surprising, then, to find kids who also chose how they wished to present themselves to the world. The girls at the school … [Read more...]
What Is Emotional Incest?: Surviving Emotional Abuse in Childhood
Content Warning: This article uses the term emotional incest and discusses childhood emotional abuse and harmful parental relationships. The first time my therapist mentioned the term emotional incest, I was taken aback. The term alone elicits a gut-level reaction. She wrote down the book information for me to look up when I was ready. I wasn’t ready for quite some … [Read more...]
To My LGBTQ Latino Son After Pulse: The Only Grief I feel Is For the World
To My Son, When you came out to me last year, it was kind of an awkward forced situation. We found some things on your social media device and we wanted to make sure you were safe. I told you then “You don’t have to tell us anything you’re not ready to but we just want to make sure you’re not trolling anyone.” You flushed furiously not so much, I think, at us asking about … [Read more...]
#MeToo: Will My Son Grow up to be a Rapist?
After the flurry of #MeToo’s had died down in my social media feed, it was not fears for my daughter which kept me awake that night. Not because I know she won't be violated at some point in her life. She will, unless she's exceedingly lucky, because living in our abusive culture means it is practically inevitable. My job is to love and educate her as hard as I can, which also … [Read more...]
Fat Parenting 101: 7 Things to Know as a Fat Parent
Parents of all sizes have to navigate how to teach their kids about bodies. But for us fat parents it can be even more challenging because we have to deal with internalized fatphobia as well as the fatphobia directed at us from the world (and sometimes our kids). These thoughts are things that have worked for me as I have navigated being a fat parent raising (hopefully) … [Read more...]
Protect Your Children, Watch Your Mouth: How Parents Can (and Must) Foster Positive Body Image
To the Father of the Little Girl, Whom He Teased Publicly About Being 'Fat' Dear Sir, I’m guessing you didn’t mean intentional harm when you laughed loudly and instructed your young daughter to get on the scale at the Publix supermarket so you could see how “fat” she was. I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by your thoughtless remark. In fact, you acted quite tickled with … [Read more...]
