When my therapist first told me that my value wasn’t linked to how productive or accomplished I was, I actually laughed out loud. Not a little giggle either, but a full-on belly laugh like she had just told me the funniest joke I had ever heard. She repeated it again, with a straight face and I quieted down. We spent many months on this concept, and it is still … [Read more...]
It’s Okay If The Only Thing You Did Today Was Breathe
At the beginning of my depressive episode, I had this distinct memory right of surrender. Of feeling this tug that drew me down into my bed and of feeling this mental shift of, disaster, defeat and general disappointment. A sort of hopelessness slipped in. An illusion of control broke down and any confidence I felt in my ability to control my body, my mind and the ways of which … [Read more...]
How to Dig a Ditch When All You Have is a Spoon: Finding a Path to Productivity After Falling Apart
I have always lived one step away from suicide. Or more specifically, the way I manage my suicidal thoughts is through imagery. Suicide sits in a cage in my brain. The cage is locked. I have the key but I won’t use it because of my son. I made that decision after my first and only suicide attempt. I thought I had a handle on things until three years ago when I fell into one … [Read more...]
