Dear you, This letter is for you. Your In The Closet But Still Worth Loving quiet, powerful, gentle celebration. Let me tell you a story. In middle school, I was the opposite of cool. I wore colorful striped leggings. My hair was always frizzy and in a ponytail with one strand hanging down, because I thought that was neat. There was a gap between my front teeth. I didn’t hate … [Read more...]
How It Impacts Me as a Queer Woman When Friends Call Each Other “Girl Friends”
As I continue to settle into a queer identity, certain words and their meanings seem to do the exact opposite of settling in. They don't sit still. Words I've never been comfortable using have become part of my regular vocabulary, and words that have never really affected me before suddenly have an unpleasant edge. Like other people, my relationship with words is very much a … [Read more...]
Cuando Se Trata A Los Amigos Como Amantes: La Politica Del Deseo
A menudo cuando el deseo aparece en las conversaciones, esta queda reducida a una experiencia personal o se refiere a la frecuencia con las que se tiene sexo, o con cuantas parejas sexuales, lo que es, desde luego, parte de la conversación pero no “la conversación”. Esto provoca un modo sencillo de clausurar el tema y de evitar que puedan aparecer otros aspectos no tan … [Read more...]
My Queer Sex-Positive Life: Unlearning the Gendered Sexual Shame That Kept Me Disempowered
This article was originally published by Jamila Reddy under its original title "Sex-Positivity Means Unlearning Shame" and is republished with permission. When I was five years old, my parents gave my sister and me a book called Where Did I Come From. Published in 1973, the book featured illustrations and explanations of how babies are made. On the front and back covers … [Read more...]
Sharing Our Whole Selves in Community: 3 Self-Love Practices I’m Embracing This Ramadan as a Queer Black American Muslim
Ramadan began two weeks ago, and across the world, Muslims who are observing the month abstain from food and drink from sunrise to sunset for thirty days. For those of us who fast, readiness is a layered concept. For some of us, it’s the physical component that is difficult to prepare ourselves for. Denying yourself food and drink during the daytime hours is difficult. It’s … [Read more...]
10 Mujeres Queer y Personas No-Binarias de Color que usan los Medios de Comunicación y el Arte para liberarse
El arte, en cualquiera de sus géneros y variaciones, ha sido usado como herramienta no sólo de autoexpresión, sino también de activismo. Estamos observando la evolución del arte en espacios políticos: la poesía de la palabra hablada se abre paso desde los agujeros oscuros en la pared a los grandes medios de comunicación con poetas que son exhibidos en series de televisión y … [Read more...]
Let’s Stop Acting as if Queers Need to Look a Certain Way to be Queer
In my city, there’s a monthly queer-women-and-company dance event called Flannel Takeover. It’s supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek reference to the visuals of being a queer woman: someone who wears lots of flannel. Line up, ladies and trans gents and non-binary folks! Grab a beer, don your snapback, aaand let’s perpetuate the lazy stereotype that queer woman equals masculine. A … [Read more...]
How White LGBT Spaces Erase Queer People of Colour
This article has been republished from Xtra, and is reprinted here by permission. For as long as I could remember, I had always known I was queer in some way. In the way that my feelings for girls and women around me seemed to be more intense than they were supposed to, or the way that I would feel very strange if I happened to see a sexy scene of a woman in a … [Read more...]
Am I Queer Enough to Claim Queerness?”
If I remember correctly, I was eight. I walked into the kitchen looking for a fork, and thought to myself, “hmm I am attracted to a girl in my class, so I guess that makes me bisexual. Hmmm,” grabbed my fork and went back to my room. I don’t remember learning the word, but I knew what it meant and how to use it. That is the earliest memory I have of me understanding what my … [Read more...]
Cultivating Interdependence: 3 Ways to Center Friendships While Being in a Committed Romantic Relationship
I’ll admit it: I’m guilty of codependency in my romantic relationships. The why has many answers, from battling debilitating anxiety and depression for the past two years that have made it hard to leave my house, to the fact that most of my friends have moved away from the city I live in. As I shifted careers and began solely working from home, my isolation increased, as did my … [Read more...]
5 Ways to Maintain Your Queer Identity in a Relationship People Read as Straight
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. In a way, there is a safety that comes with being out in public holding a boy’s hand. I’m seen as straight, feminine, the “right” sort of woman. Nobody harasses me, leering and telling me to kiss him so they can watch. Nobody calls me the d-word or threatens to “turn” me straight. As far … [Read more...]
Gender Has Got Me F*cked Up: Navigating the Pressure to Alter My Boi Body
writer's note: i write in lower case, it's my small rebellion. i’m mad. i’m mad that gender rules that dictate what is “appropriate dress” for female and male bodies have me thinking about surgically altering my body. i love my body. i love how it’s feminine and masculine at the same time. i love the curve of my belly and the muscle line when i flex my triceps. i love … [Read more...]
Learning to Love Without Filter: The Many Contortions In The World of Bisexuality
This article was originally published on Postmodern Woman and is republished with permission. “I want you to myself,” She whispered to me as her soft fingers curled through the baby hair growing on my neck. She twirled a few strands around her fingers and tugged, hard, as if to pluck them from my head. The actions mirrored her internal struggle. “I want you too … [Read more...]
Queer Versus Bi?: Why I’m Coming Back Around to “Bisexual”
This article originally appeared in Foglifter April 2016 and is reprinted by permission. There’s a box where my anxiety lives. This box is on OK Cupid. To check, or not to check: “I do not want to see or be seen by straight people.” A friend of mine quipped that it is the most satisfying box to check on the internet. Maybe for them. For me it is fraught with tension … [Read more...]
