It was after three years of struggling with my mental health when I came to terms with needing to see a therapist. I was coping with regular anxiety attacks, situational depression, and untreated trauma. My reluctance to seek out professional help was due to a number of reasons that could be narrowed down to one thing: the stigma that comes with admitting to mental … [Read more...]
4 Reasons Centering Whiteness Can Derail Racial Justice Conversations — And How To Do Better
This article was originally published by EverydayFeminism.com under the title "Conversations on Racial Injustice & Whiteness: 4 Ways Not to Police People of Color & Be a Better Ally" and is republished with permission. To be completely honest, talking about race and racial injustice makes me very uncomfortable. Whenever someone brings up topics like police brutality, … [Read more...]
6 Questions To Ask Your Partner When You Have More Privilege Than Them
This piece was originally published by EverydayFeminism.com under the title "6 Questions to Ask If You Have More Privilege Than Your Partner" and is republished with permission. Content note: This article briefly alludes to suicidal ideation and eating disorders. I learned to be a girlfriend through ’90s American rom-coms. 90% of the time, I learned, I had to be … [Read more...]
Listen to Our Foremothers: Why Black Women Deserve To Balance Our Rage With Our Joy
It is a sad time for Black women in this country. I would love to say that this time is unique and unlike that which our foremothers faced after being stolen and brought to this country, holding onto their souls and the shreds of their dignity they were determined never to give up. But we know this is not true. Today, as we carry our rage and sadness, feeling an … [Read more...]
Fantasy or Disrespect?: 7 Halloween Costume Pitfalls to Avoid
Halloween is eagerly anticipated by many. It's an opportunity to eat candy, dress up, and revel in nerdy pastimes or scary movies. Yet all too often, enjoying Halloween is a privilege experienced by people who don't have their identity infringed on by well-meaning, ignorant, or outright hateful celebrants. This is not only a problem with individuals, but with industry; with … [Read more...]
“This Isn’t Working”: How I Learned To Find the Best Therapist for Me
Content note: This article contains references to incest, childhood sexual abuse, and suicidal ideation. Admitting you need therapy can be hard. Finding a therapist can be very tough. Finding a good culturally competent therapist can be downright daunting. I was first put into therapy when I was ten years old. My mother, who has borderline personality disorder, was able to … [Read more...]
Not Your “Geisha Doll”: Why We Need To Stop Skirting Around Racist Sexual Violence
Content note: This article discusses acts of sexual violence. The fact that sexual violence is often experienced alongside racism for many people of color is almost always glossed over in discussions about sexual assault and rape. When it's mentioned at all, it's mentioned quickly, and everyone nods their head in agreement. During these conversations, most white people … [Read more...]
How I Came To Honor My “Too Black” Name as a Black, Queer, Fat Woman
As a Black, queer, fat woman, I’m constantly aware of how I navigate most spaces. I’m constantly determining whether I can talk about my girlfriend. I’m constantly wondering whether I can eat what and how I want. And I’m constantly aware of how I’m speaking, from my tone to the words that I’m saying. Sometimes, these concerns come from a place of determining my safety. One … [Read more...]
3 Ways to Honor 9/11 Without Being Islamophobic
The anniversary of the September 11th attacks is always a precarious time. Because this tragedy is wrapped up in nationalist sentiments, the memorializing of our national grief easily gets caught up in anti-Islamic sentiments. Grief and pain and nationalism all seem to get conflated and simplified during this time. This anniversary is often a time of heightened vigilance for … [Read more...]
Thwarted Belonging and Reasons for Hope: Queer Black Trans Pain Matters
Content note: This article includes (non-graphic) discussion of a completed suicide. One of my closest friends died by suicide. The days after their death were jarring and bewildering. I carefully tried to drink water, only to involuntarily spit it up while sobbing. I tried to eat, only able to eat soup and beans. (To my horror, the hot Funyuns a friend offered made me … [Read more...]
The Crisis of State-Enabled Violence: 4 Ways Homelessness Is Body Terrorism
“The idea of freedom is inspiring. But what does it mean? If you are free in a political sense but have no food, what's that? The freedom to starve?” -- Angela Davis Where I live, in the Bay Area, we are in the thick of a homelessness crisis affecting thousands of people. In San Francisco in 2015, close to one in every hundred residents was homeless. It's similar in … [Read more...]
10 Ways the Beauty Industry Tells You Being Beautiful Means Being White
Note: This article originally appeared on EverydayFeminism and is reprinted by permission. I have to cringe when I think about my early days of putting on makeup. First, my mom wouldn’t let me touch the stuff until high school -- which I can understand, knowing what I know now about how girls can be pressured to grow up too fast. But I was lagging behind other girls who … [Read more...]
How I as a White Woman Am Unlearning Dangerous Sexual Stereotypes About Black and Brown Men
Content note: This article contains references to rape. When I pick my son up at the library, he is standing in front of a blonde girl. As I move closer, I hear them talking, laughing, flirting in that awkward early-teen way. I stop, catch my son’s eye, and give them their space. She clearly likes my son, and I can see him basking in the attention. I admit to some motherly … [Read more...]
Mixed-Race, Non-Binary, Queer Fat Femme: How I Fail and Succeed in Finding Liberation
I am a Black, mixed-race, fat, queer, non-binary person. Most saliently, I am femme. I have come to understand radical femmeness, femme magic, femme community, femme love, and femme power through my relationships with other womxn and femmes of color. While femme communities evoke safeness and security for me, they also often exist on the basis of trauma. Femininity leaves us … [Read more...]
